Last Updated on October 24, 2025 by stlplace
Disclaimer: 抛砖引玉。There is no one-size-fit-all solutions. If you have multiple kids, you probably already know. Or just for a minute treat your better half as your other kid. I know there is a saying 男人永远是小孩，guys are always like kids, so there you have it.
初衷 Original intent or Intension
Always remember your 初衷 (original intent or intension): for me personally I want my kid growing up to be a good human being most importantly, followed by an independent woman, and as an added bonus: have a meaningful relationship with her as she grows up and tries to figure out herself and the world. That’s the big picture. Always keep the big picture: not the other morning she didn’t take your advice on her apparel/wear, not the one time she was annoyed by your nagging on things and shut her bedroom door. Without that in mind, you may read on.
Shall we talk?
Something I learned recently, and I wrote it in another recent blog, but if you could allow me to paste the content below.
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More on the Beauty of Cantonese language 粤语之美 古汉语之美
您真的聽懂《Shall We Talk》嗎？解讀林夕愛的哲學，聽歌學閱讀理解，現場鋼琴彈奏，20200302（中文字幕）(YT)
Quote a bit of the lyrics of Shall We Talk below.
明月光為何又照地堂?
寧願在公園躲藏 不想喝湯
任由目光留在漫畫一角
為何望母親一眼就如罰留堂?
As explained in the video above, this has a lot of culture stuff behind it. Keep in mind the lyricist: 林夕 is one of the best Cantonese lyricists in HK and in the world. Also, I first listened/watched this song here – Eason 陳奕迅 – Shall we talk 女生版 Acoustic cover (YT video). Btw, recently I started my journey of learning Cantonese – so wish me luck 🙂
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My own teenage years
When I was a teen (12 to 18 to be precise), I was living in the school dormitory (I attended 6 years of boarding school in China, back in 1980s). I guess in a way the 班主任 Ban Zhu Ren (student counselor for the class, maybe I would create an English page for Ban Zhu Ren) acted like father, mother, big brother or sister figure, for many of the kids lived in the school dormitory. I do recall once my counselor had to take me to the hospital because I had high fever. I do see my parents once a month and spend most of my summer and winter breaks with my family (parents, siblings, and my grandmas – here it’s an s because one of my favorite times of the summer is going to my uncle/grandma’s home, and they spoil me 🙂 I would write a piece on my maternal grandma sometime soon – Mothers’ Day is coming up, she probably has a lot influence on my uncles (my mom’s elder brothers) and my mom.
I should add my parents did talk to me when we saw each other. I recall my mom would usually ask “how did you do in the mid term/final?”. I don’t recall my dad ever asked similar question but I think he cares about this sort of thing too. In fact before sending me off to the Zhenhai Middle School, they seek the counsel of my big uncle (I mentioned him below too). Mainly because they were not sure: I was 12 a bit young to go off to the boarding school; the plus side is my big brother is in the same boarding school. But for practical purpose he didn’t help me much. Back to my monthly trip home, I recall at that time we only get Sunday off. So we left the school on Saturday afternoon and leave home on Sunday afternoon. Now I think about it: the separation was hard to my parents especially my mom too. I recall she acknowledged it when her friends asked about it.
Last but not least, I also recall our vice provost Mr. Zheng 副教导主任郑修老师 would tell us kids not to listen to 邓丽君 Teresa Teng‘s 靡靡之音 🙂 Note I was there between Fall 1983 and Summer 1989. Actually my big uncle (my mom’s big brother, who used to be the 1st principal / headmaster of Baifeng Middle School many years ago) would likely say the same thing. I recall he used to say similar things to his son (who is a grown up then, my cousin is 12 years older than me), when my cousin showed up at his home with the bootcut jeans or the jeans with flare. They lived in different cities at the time because my aunt has her job in SH, while my uncle works at NB. Imagine if you are 25 years old guy, see your dad twice a year. And he is going after your colored shirt and bootcut jeans 🥲
Friends and Friends Group
One more point if I may add: I do recall at that age, friends or friends group plays an important if not more role as well. This is true at today age too. To parents: please let your kids try to find their own friends, our main job is Uber driver and so on.
Another thing keep in mind is the friends and friends group tend to change over the years. This is normal and as long as kids are friendly (meaning they don’t hate each other), we are good. The only thing parents may want to take a look is: if your kid doesn’t have any friends. It’s probably a good idea to ask why.
What to wear for girl nowdays???
This seems to be one of the hot buttons (pun intended) issue in our family: I am not going to elaborate in the interest of the privacy. I googled and found this Wiki page: culture views on the midriff and navel
And I talked to people outside home too, once I talked a gentleman who is my Uber passenger, I believe he is probably in his 60s or 70s, and he was a former military person, married a Korean woman. He pointed out the different generations and people from different background have different views on “modesty” (I think it means dress conservatively).
Once a teacher at FGC told me some fifth graders are already showing belly or belly buttons. Personally, I felt they can do it when they are 18 or 21. My wife has somewhat different view or opposite view from me: she thinks it’s okay for younger kids (say 4th or 5th graders) to show the belly or belly buttons. She thinks they are cute. I guess her implied meaning is if high school kids dress like that, she doesn’t approve because she thinks it’s overly revealing. But this is not the fight I am interested. I think I have more important things to worry about. This could be used as an ice breaker or a conversation starter (lighthearted way, no judgement here). For an example, I saw one girl in the band dress like that, while all the other girls covered their midriff and navel. And, you guessed right: the girl shows the belly didn’t perform well in the concert…
(Update 10-24-2025) On past Sunday, I talked to a mom whose view is probably more liberal than mine, and I liked her comments. Here is her comment, not exact word, but I am trying to grasp her meaning – show the belly buttons (or midriff) at your best age. Because one day they may not be as pretty as (15, 25, or 30 – note I make up some random age number here).
That comment hit the nail on my head (meaning, exactly right, link goes to google search).
Carpool
Also, I pick up S8 during afternoon carpool even though technically she can ride the bus home too. My wife thinks S8 is wasting my time this way. I don’t think it totally from efficiency point of view. I think it gives me bond time with my daughter because on rare occasions she would open up and tells me her day. I know I cannot get those kind of moments if she takes bus home. I think more like 30 minutes of my day to bond with her. And honestly if we look forward, she will learn to drive soon, and she passes the driving test, she will likely get a parking permit at HS and start driving to her school.
Last but not least, you may be interested in “It’s a pleasure to be your cool dad” and 你曾是少年。
Next, I may write something on health, for middle aged guy like me: my recent experience is cutting down alcohol and caffeine as much as possible and walk outside a lot during the day. Potentially: change from 3 meals a day to 2 meals a day.