It’s that time of the year again. The holiday season usually starts with Thanksgiving holiday here in the USA (the 4th Thursday in November, I just did a google search on that btw). And ends in the New Year. Many years ago, to be precise it’s when our older daughter attended the Hope Montessori Academy in Creve Coeur between 2013 and 2014, the directress (the boss) there Susie Shelton-Dodge always liked to say this during holiday season: hug your kids more, because it’s also usually the most stressful time of the year for everyone. This is because of the extra work related to holidays for the grownups: holiday decorations, buying gifts for everybody and so on. And I agree.
I also looked at my blog recently and found I have written a few short ones between 2006 and 2009. I decided to go back to this old habit and also, I am doing this after seeing the great Warren Buffett wrote at least 3 thanksgiving letters in recent years (2025, 2024 and 2023). Btw, I talked a bit more about his letters here. Back to the topic.
Thanking my family
Keep in mind in September 2006, I was very fortunate to meet “my future better half” in Shanghai, and my life has forever changed since then – for better obviously. Anyone wants to know how I met my wife – let me save that for next year’s letter, or you can ask her now 🙂
Hint: I highly recommend the girls from Zhejiang province, especially the girls from Jinhua 金华 (in the middle of Zhejiang Province, more about Jinhua wikipedia, britannica here 🙂 I will talk a bit more my impression on the girls and guys from Jinhua . Yes, guys from that area too – in case you are a girl and are looking for a guy 🙂
My wife
On that note, I want to publicly express my thanks and gratitude to my wife. Similar to Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger used to say from time to time: one wants to marry up in terms of one’s moral standards. I believe they both publicly said their wives have higher moral standards than themselves. And I am 100% sure my wife has much higher moral standards than me too. Or if I could use an example, she is a person who likes to help others but doesn’t want any public attention or acknowledgement. Some of our friends can attest to that. Or in other words she is a very generous person. Reflecting back I think that’s the first quality I noticed back in 2006 and 2007 and decided she is someone I want to 漂洋过海去看她。
More about the song here – note the password is all lower case “tomorrow” 漂洋过海来看你, and I mentioned one of the adventurous trip I had in March 2007, STL to PVG to see my then GF/now my wife.
My parents and extended families
I know I probably put the order a bit backwards in the traditional Chinese terms. Because the traditional Chinese society is family oriented and they go by 辈份，I know I know. I definitely want to thank my extended family for everything I have today: they including my maternal grandma and my paternal grandma, my parents and my brothers, my uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces and all of my wife’s family especially my father-in-law. Sometimes I wish he is my dad, please don’t tell this to my dad 🙂 I was joking. I love my dad a lot too – I remember my dad and I walked on the hot Shanghai streets in summer 1989, on my way from Ningbo to Wuhan for my college HUST. Those are “my dad and I” moments.
And I am both grateful and thankful to my wife’s mom who I never met: she passed away before I met my wife. I think from my wife, I can see how generous a person my mother-in-law was. And also the special bonding moments my two daughters and their grandma may have missed because she passed away so early. But that’s life. We win some and lose some. Sometimes the loss or the pain from the loss seems impossible for us to bear or overcome. While I am not a very religious or spiritual person, I think as long as we remember the loved ones we lost, they are in heaven now without all the suffering on the earth, and they also live in our heart. Now I recall learning about the passing of my wife’s mom is probably one of the first few questions I asked her, during our 1st blind date in September 2006. Please note this is not unusual in first dates, if people are serious. Family demography is a quite common conversation topic. Another thing I noticed is she (my wife) never looked at phone when we talked.
You can see the old picture (1975?) of my paternal grandma, my dad, my bothers and yours truly here. And that article has a 1961 photo for my big uncle (my mom’s big brother) too. I will find a picture of my mom when she is young in my next CHN trip hopefully. Both my parents are alive and in early 80s, but their health is not great now. Btw, if you want to the article that have my family photos, you will find a funny story happened during my 1989 Gao’kao.
My daughters
Last but not my least, my daughters, 也就是我的两个前世情人– I didn’t realize this has some controversy per google and a movie, I can see the downside of using this term. So from now on I will just say my daughters. I talked about my daughters quite a bit here in my blog but I masked their names in quite a few (not all, due to my laziness) places to protect their privacy.
I am exhausted, but I will soldier on
It’s a pleasure to be your cool dad
How to communicate with adolescent or teenagers
Yes they definitely made me a better person as I learn from them everyday. Just like I learn something from my wife everyday.
One of my life’s highlights so far, is not going to Panera Bread, or Starbucks or library and read books there with my daughters, as I imagined before I married and when I was single. They quickly outgrew that. Hanging out with dad is no longer fashionable. But I still enjoy taking them to the Target store, or other crafts or grocery stores, when they are shopping for something in the brick and mortar store. I guess I can still hang out with my wife at least 🙂 Recently I also realized the praises their school teachers put on them are usually genuine, not just 客套话，during the parent teacher conferences. Some of the comments made me very very proud. That’s why I go to those conferences. Another reason is my wife is too either shy or too busy to go. I know my daughters are very sweet, very much down to earth, and quite intelligent and hardworking kids. Again most of those attributes are inherited from their mom. And some are cultivated or shaped by their school teachers over many years.
I know I am a bit blunt from time to time, and I talked too much sometimes, a few other times I looked at my phone too much instead of listening 🙂
Dad Jokes
Sometimes I joked with them. And they would truly be embarrassed if I joked with them before their friends or friends’ parents. And they would warn me: dad, you joked (talked) too much and your jokes are not even funny. I know I know. But that’s the whole purpose of dad jokes: they are not funny and they are intended to embarrass their daughters 🙂
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Recently I received a friendly reminder on this topic from a relatively new friend who is 12 years younger than me, and he is also from Jinhua area. He said: guys and girls sometimes have different perspective, guys may be more logical, girls may be more emotional or intuitive (good intuition 良好的直觉)。I guess this is similar to the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex 🙂
Thanking my friends
Both old and new. I will likely miss some friends here. But I hope you won’t mind.
And one friend I only got to meet (or see) once – she is the girl I met in the train from Ningbo to Wuhan when I was in college. I talked about the story here and here and let me quote a bit: 有一次在南昌转车，好像是南昌到北京的车（经过武汉）。不光没位置，而且连站的地方都没有。火车还在株洲还是武昌附近弄了很长时间的临时停车。记得当时一个武大还是华工科英的88级的女生给削了一个苹果，印象很深。在火车上基本上不想吃东西，也不怎么喝水。Yes this girl is from Jinhua.
And another friend who already passed away a while ago 😭: she is a friend in my SHUFE days, technically she is my 师姐，but l later learned she is actually a classmate of my wife’s sister in high school. She paid the $30 application fee for me in 1997 when I came to Rolla (now Missouri S&T).
My old high school 高中 friends who picked me up and greeted/treated me in my June CHN trip. Later we had tea together in Beilun. We haven’t seen each other since 1989, but we 想见如故。For me it felt just like yesterday. We may have more gray hair but we are still the friends 36 years ago. We can argue about things but we won’t get into a fight 🙂
My old middle school 初中 friends I met in Ningbo in this June.
I am glad to meet my HUST friend in Ningbo, who I haven’t seen since 2016.
My old friends I met in Shanghai this June: yes, including my SHUFE friends and the couple who helped connected me with my better half back in 2006. And my old alma mater HUST friends who I haven’t seen since 1993 or 1997 or 2016. I understand I cannot see all my friends in one trip. But I do fondly remember my Beijing trip 20 years ago and I met my old HUST friends. And the HUST friends I met in Shanghai in 2016. I am happy to meet all of you.
My music teachers. I want to live a life with music. There are also couple other reasons too: to be able to play in public and show off, and also to counter or slow down the aging of my brain and hands.
Besides that my two daughters are doing music too: percussion and violin respectively. They are better musicians than me right now. My wife also has more music talent than me too, so far at least – I am trying to catch up though. She is likely the source where my girls got their music gene from.
My friends I only met on social media (WeChat, XHS etc.) but we do talk in good terms. Someday our roads will cross each other and we will see each other in person 🙂
And all my teachers, classmates, colleagues and friends over the years!
Last but not least, want to share a song with you all:
YT 油管:【纯享】叶蒨文深情演绎金曲《祝福》感动全场！Sally姐高音太稳了！《声生不息》 Infinity and Beyond EP1丨MangoTV
国内的朋友，可以看看 – 哔哩哔哩：美女粤语歌手何璟昕，央视现场倾情演绎吉他弹唱《祝福》。
当然你也可以在国内各大平台上找叶倩文在湖南芒果台“声生不息”第一季或她早期的演唱 – 祝福。因为最近开始学粤语，我也很钟意（喜欢）这首歌的歌词（kkbox)。我把歌词贴在下面：
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作詞：潘偉源 作曲：梁弘志
祝福
徘徊叢林迎著雨 染濕風中的發端
低訴細雨路遙若睏倦 靜靠灣灣小草倚清泉
悠悠流泉隨路轉 偶於山中轉數圈
一片軟軟漸黃落葉 蕩向清溪之中早飄遠
啊～～過去 過去多少次心亂
今天 今天隨著雲煙漸遠
聽聽鳥語 靜望雨絲飄斷 悄悄的風贈我衷心祝福一串
徘徊叢林迎著雨 染濕風中的發端
低訴細雨路遙若睏倦 靜靠灣灣小草倚清泉
悠悠流泉隨路轉 偶於山中轉數圈
一片軟軟漸黃落葉 蕩向清溪之中早飄遠
啊～～送你 送你祝福永不斷
輕輕地飄 尋覓無邊路遠 借那鳥語路上細添溫暖
拜託清風 奉上衷心 祝福千串
啊～～送你 送你祝福永不斷
輕輕地飄 尋覓無邊路遠 借那鳥語路上細添溫暖
叮囑清風 奉上衷心 祝福千串
拜託清風 奉上衷心 祝福千串
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欣赏到中文（粤语）的美了没？我猜测其他语言包括英文是有可能写出类似的意静的歌词的：但是我现在是肯定写不出来的。英语和总体文学水平都有待提高。