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Life Life Tips

If I know I could possibly die there

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I won’t go there. By that I mean a statistically meaningful possibility: I am not a statistician but personally I think 0.1% and above is meaningful for me.

Basically, the great Charlie Munger mentioned these many times. Here is one: Charlie Munger: Invert, always invert. He mentioned when he was meteorologist. He quickly realized in order to NOT get pilots killed; he needs to forecast snow or ice conditions accurately.

Translated in plain English, if I know I could possibly die there, I am not going there.

Quite simple logic, isn’t it? But it’s easily said than done.

And this morning, I am very sad to learn one of my wife’s cousins in China died – she was riding e-bike which is very common among Chinese people nowadays. But very unfortunately, she (her bike) was hit by a big truck in a cross section (a traffic light).

Know your risk

Riding bike or motorcycle is always dangerous, both in China or in the US. I heard from my brother that his high school classmate died from motorcycle (many years ago), his friend was probably still in his 20s. It happened in early 1990s in China, so it was more than 30 years ago. Over the years I heard a few neighbors of my childhood home died from car accidents too: in various ways, and one was riding motorcycle (e-bike) and hit by a vehicle. The other two are also vehicle related: one uncle (he is probably only 10 or 15 older than me), got off bus, and hit by another vehicle. I heard Chinese runner in Dallas, who trains for Marathon and he was hit/killed by vehicle too.

I vaguely recall pedestrian or biker got killed at the Olive/Lindbergh intersection many years ago. Once in Chicago field museum, we happened to see an exhibit related to “death”, and I recall seeing the bikers memorial project, the ghost bikes. Now I also recall from time to time I saw the mentioned bike on the roadside. Another similar memorial is the roadside flower/cross: usually for the people killed during a car accident.

我承认我是胆小鬼

Also, everyone has different perceptions of risks, and I think that’s legit too. Personally, I think I am a Dan Xiao Gui in general, the riskiest thing I did so far in my adult life is I climbed the precipice at Acadia National Park. That was year 2004, I think.

About 3 years ago, we went to the Cocoa Beach in FL and a few kids did surf class. I was quite nervous as our then 12-year-old was there, and the instructor was mainly focusing his efforts on a slightly younger friend. One instructor for 3 kids, if my memory is correct.

Car Accidents 车祸

其实在美丽国生活,因为基本上都需要开车(纽约除外),防止车祸,或减轻车祸的影响是很重要的。从这个意义上来讲,在家上班,减少开车,也减少了出车祸的机会。关于开车我以前写过一个博文也可供参考。

Safety precautions during walking and jogging in the USA

I used to walk outside quite a bit, and when possible, I will wear a yellow reflective vest during my walk. Because I know there is a lot of chances a driver who may be look at the phone or not paying attention to the road and pedestrians.

Also refer to My 1st “near death” experience – kids being kids

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advice and tips Life Tips

Food, sleep and health

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Below is mostly for my own reference

NPR: 5 eating habits that can help you sleep better at night

Reduce caffeine during the day. I found out one way to do that is to get the daily coffee from a place such as Panera bread, so that I don’t brew my own coffee (and I tend to brew more).

Reduce or stay away from alcohol. No hard liquors (e.g., whiskey).

Reduce red meat (dinner): for that matter, control the portion for dinner. More on the timing below.

Reduce snacks (unhealthy ones) during the day. Main task for me is to buy less snacks when doing grocery shopping.

Reduce sugar.

Reducing eating leftover food: there are many ways I end up eating leftover foods. Cooked way too much. Usually it’s my wife who cooked too much 🙂 Because I don’t cook much, and when I cook, I don’t cook a lot or I usually just cook some egg, fish or shrimps and they are usually manageable. Another scenario: my wife usually put certain amount of food on my daughters’ plate, and she expected the girls to finish them. It’s not usually the case they finish them. And sometimes (maybe too many times) I came from the background of “not wasting food”, I end up eating my girls’s leftover. Similarly for other small leftover on the tables.

Don’t eat anything substantial after 8 pm, per Dr. Bonacorsi. It seems he already retired and he lives in my old neck of the woods 🙂 I also think for me, probably stop eating anything substantial after 7 pm is the goal.

Okay to consume in moderation: fruits, vegetables, milk, coffee, yogurt, eggs, tofu, sea food (shrimp and fish), and healthy bread.

Sleep

Put the phone and computer outside the bedroom.

References:

Healthy food

Testosterone is what keeps men alive and dominant. Here are 9 foods proven to boost it naturally:

  1. Avocado
  2. Eggs (with yolk)
  3. Extra virgin olive oil
  4. Brazil nuts
  5. Grass-Fed Beef (in moderation)
  6. Oysters
  7. Pomegranate
  8. Fatty Fish (like tuna, salmon, mackerel)
  9. Ginger

Another tweet thread on food to boost testosterone.

Joint health

Doctors Say This Is How Walking Helps Digestion 饭后百步走

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advice and tips Career finance Life Tips

Don’t work too hard, work smart

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My generation (so called Gen X in the USA, people born between from 1965 to 1980) was usually told to “work hard” when we grew up – I found this is true both in the China and in the USA. I think in addition to parents, quite a few teachers emphasized this too – for me personally my middle school teacher 周国夫老师 emphasized it quite a bit.

But over the years I realized this is not necessarily true or the best way to handle work. I recall my project lead at Unigraphics Solutions (UGS Corp.) said once on this topic:

Don’t just work hard, work smarter too. The latter is probably more important.

By that time, I was already over 30 years old.

About 20 years ago I recall my golf instructor (or should I call him coach? He is a pro btw) said: hold the club about 70% tight, don’t hold it 100% tight.

Maybe we should apply the same logic to school, study and work too? And investing in equities (stocks) and bonds as well?

My Zhenhai middle school exp: with all the craziness going on, we had some fun time such as the ad-hoc co-ed basketball – I remember it was during my math teacher and counselor Zhou Guofu 周国夫 老师 🙂

Btw, I recall my best teacher – Chen Bing (高一数学老师). I think he made me to appreciate the beauty of math 数学之美,and encouraged me to learn as much as practical, and participate the math competition. Again we don’t just work hard on it – because math competitions have problems outside of the normal textbooks. The most important here is be passionate about harder math problems – “working harder” won’t do much about it, btw.

We don’t know if we will die from overworking but why take chance” – probably said by Ronald Reagan (per Charlie Munger or Warren Buffett). Update: it seems Edgar Bergen talked about this first – “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen (source: reddit).

Last but not least, probably one of the hardest working place I worked

It seems that place is quite transactional(people mostly work for money). But I did gain some experience on production support and operation. Also communicate as precisely as possible. Once again: work smarter is more relevant there. In fact I worked pretty hard, and I was still laid off in early 2019 – and I knew the main reason of layoff – the managers didn’t like me 🙁

Btw, I don’t believe in pleasing everyone helps one’s job security, or pleasing every manager one has. At the same time, that place has a tradition of laying off about 5 to 10% people every year (usually at the beginning of a calendar year). And in early 2019 I was somewhat caught off guard, probably because I was getting somewhat complacent. But that’s okay, as I explained in the “layoffs” blog post: one door closes and another door will open. Also it gives me a new opportunity at a new place. So there is that.

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advice and tips Life Tips

Kids or younger folks used apparel shoes resell stores

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Not a complete list

Online

I am aware of eBay, Etsy, PoshMark. But I learned couple new ones.

Curtsy : our 14 year old (when she was still 13, but almost 14), bought a nike puffer jacket

Depop (wikipedia, just realized it’s a subsidiary under Etsy) – our 14 year old tries to sell her Lululemon shorts from Plato’s closet (too big)

Offline, brick-mortar

Plato’s Closet: seems heavily gear toward teen and 20 to 30 years old younger adults

Categories
advice and tips Career Life Tips Software development

Layoff and other forms of rejections in life are not the end of the world

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What doesn’t kill us can only made us stronger — German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche — his original words are: “Out of life’s school of war—what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”

Five years ago today, 01-23-2019, Wednesday, I was laid off from the company I worked for about 3 and half years. I saved the below email in my Gmail account.

Hi Minjie,

You mentioned to me this morning that you had a work computer at your home. I wanted to let you know we’ll be sending you a pre-paid box for you to send it back in.

Please let me know if you have any other questions.

Thanks!

…………

That being said, if you were working for the federal government and recently got laid off because of Elon Musk’s DOGE’s purge, and if you like to talk to someone – I am available.

Potentially I can provide some advice re: how to get back to your feet quick. I can buy you coffee, do mock interview during lunch (I will pay), and pay your Uber ride fee, if you have an onsite interview and need Uber/Lyft.

In my career, I navigated layoff situations a few times, and I was able to find something relatively quick mainly in the area of software development. I understand right now it’s a very tough job market in the USA. But it’s still possible to find something. I am a strong believer of 树挪死人挪活。I believe layoffs are usually blessings disguised in curses. Somewhat like divorce during a truly horrendous marriage.

Reference: I talked about more about layoffs here in my 2023 blog post.

Categories
advice and tips Life Life Tips

Don’t always dwelling on the past 不要总是留恋过去

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对过去的留恋可能是人之常情,尤其是对上了年纪的人(大概过了50岁的人可以说是上了年纪?),还有一些曾经辉煌,现在落魄的人。

有一个例子是鲁迅笔下的祥林嫂。实际生活中其实这种情况不少。我感觉我自己有时候也会说/想:想当年,我年轻的时候,blah blah blah.

最近 formerly executive assistant at square, sorry I could not find her profile on LinkedIn now, as I unfollowed her recently. Due to LinkedIn’s algorithm (or AI), it seems quite hard for me to find her again (refer to my recent blog post re: LinkedIn’s search-ability).

PS (02-09-2025) I gave it more thought: I think self pity (e.g., 祥林嫂) and similarly self victimization are probably traits or characteristics of narcism. I didn’t read the psychology behind it. Pure guess on my part.

(Update 10-28-2025) Self pity is the trait Charlie Munger talked about quite a bit, and he thinks that’s one of the most destructive traits.

Value Trap

This just reminded me of one thing or one phenomenon in the stock market or stock trading: value trap. Sometimes I got into it. The past price of stock just reflects the past. Nothing more. But sometimes, people think it a stock drops suddenly and drops a lot, they will think it’s a deal, and rush to buy it. And I have done that many times too, like today I bought some PayPal stocks. And I quickly realized it could be value trap, just like the Polaris Inc stock that I traded a while ago.

Categories
401k and Personal Finance Life Tips

Goby Toothbrush

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My 14 year old (when she was almost 14) decided to switch to this electric toothbrush given by the Orthodontist office and after a while she wanted to order the replacement toothbrush heads. This is not the most common electric toothbrush and I had to order the replacement heads at the their official website.

But they didn’t ship after taking my money (via Paypal and CC).

Finally I recalled that they did’t ship, but I cannot get money back because it’s past 6 month or 180 days. I did disputed via Paypal. Below is the reply from Paypal:

We have reviewed this transaction(s) and are denying your case(s). Cases must be filed within 180 days from the date of the transaction. The decision to deny was made because the case was submitted after the 180-day deadline. Therefore, we are unable to offer a resolution toward this matter at this time.

It seems for credit card; the protection is only 2 months or 60 days. Here’s how long you have to dispute a credit card charge via CNBC:

Federal law only protects cardholders for a limited time — 60 days to be exact — after a fraudulent or incorrect charge has been made. Thankfully I noticed the billing error within a few days of it posting to my account and started the dispute process right away.

This probably explains why I don’t see a “dispute” option in my CC website.

I haven’t been to situation like this for a while. I don’t see a “contact us” on the merchant website either. I am not too upset about it due to the relatively small amount: $22.50. Thought something to keep in mind if we shop online and didn’t receive the item.

Also, just saw this thread at Reddit. Copied/pasted one comment here:

Related to this thread, it looks like they are going under. I have not received a replacement head since July of last year but I continue to be billed for it. The website features that allow you to cancel or modify your subscription or delete your payment information are disabled. I contacted them and received an auto response that they are not responding to messages “due to unforseen operational issues”. I reported the charges to my credit card and also reported them to the BBB, where you can see a ton of others have reported similar issues.

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advice and tips kids Life Life Tips

Stay in the hospital in America – 在美国住院

Reading Time: 7 minutes

中文翻译(主要是谷歌翻译的,我做了一点修改)在这里

This is probably the 3rd time we stayed in a hospital in America – if we count the time we spent in the Mercy for our 2 babies delivery (baby number 1 and number 2). Last week in my blog I talked about our little baby got sick. As she didn’t get better, we end up in the St. Louis Children’s hospital ER on Monday 9/9, and followed by inpatient care between 9/12 and yesterday 9/16. She is better and out of hospital now. The main concern was her fever and pneumonia.

Again it’s not the 1st time I go to hospital in America. I have been to ER once myself in year 2006 when I broke my chin at Stacy park and I drove myself to the Mercy ER shortly after. I recall when I was a teen, after watching some TV or movies, and sometimes I sort of romanticize “staying in hospital” (different TV or movies scene than the ER TV series here in the USA). Also probably I hoped for a break of school because my middle school and high school years are not easy.

In recent years especially last year, during my visit to China, I went to hospital everyday to see my mom (she was in the hospital). Also I saw her in IV infusion this year (note IV infusion is much more common in China than int he USA, even for the kids, separate topic); and I did IV infusion last year and a bunch of tests after falling from the ladder (advice: be careful when climbing ladder, using proper technique and safety cautions). I think my attitude towards hospital stay is more rational now: it’s a necessary evil we have to deal with. I am hoping to be away from hospital as much as practical.

Below is something new I noticed this time around.

Rounds

Doctors, nurses and personal care technicians (tech) kept families in the loop most of the time. Also, there are the morning “rounds” in which all the caregivers including the residents (the doctors in training) will have a discussion on the current status, and ask parents if there are any questions. This is somewhat like the “standup” in the agile world. I think it’s good.

Tablet

In year 2010 I recall the Mercy hospital room has traditional phone.

Fast forward 14 years, at the children’s I do notice the SamSung tablet in the room, and it can be used both for ordering meals as well as watching TVs (we didn’t watch this time). It also has some games similar to what we saw on Boeing 737 Max and 787 – our two kids played a bit together, and our little one played some alone too. I remember in the old days the meal is ordered from phone.

Electronic Medical Records

Another new development is Electronic Medical Records (EMR), and BJC (parent org for the Children’s) implemented Epic/MyChart in recent years. Adding my daughter’s EMR proxy access to my account took a few days: I simply requested for it and wait. I got my own MyChart set up at BJC a few years ago when I went there for the Covid vaccine (the Pfizer version). I received the access in about a week or so (thinking they may have manually looked into my relationship with my daughter).

Personally I like the electronic version of medical records much better than papers. Because I am not the best organized person for paperwork, as you can read from my earlier blog post – I need to better organize things.

I noticed our pediatricians office has a patient portal too. TAUC has a much simpler website but I recall once I downloaded the flu vaccine record for work. I also talked about my personal visit experience here last year – after an unexpected fall. Their wait time is quite long recently – the main reason we didn’t take our baby there this time. But I do have past interactions with doc there and I think he is good. This reminds me another thing: I need to look for a PCP again because the PCP I saw earlier this year moved away.

Customer Service etc.

Concierge (Customer Service Specialist): noticed concierge came to us when we were waiting at the ER waiting area on Monday 9/9, and she offered water, snacks etc. We saw customer service specialist during the hospital stay (inpatient) later as well.

Family Center: it’s at the 3rd floor of children’s hospital. I saw volunteers. They have coffee, drink, snacks and laundry services.

Ronald McDonald House

Education (missing school): the education specialist came on Monday 9/16 asked if we need anything school related.

Therapy Dog: this is probably one of the highlights during our little baby’s stay.

Appointment Helper for PCP (Primary Care Physician, or Pediatrician in this case).

Overall they are trying to make the place nice, welcoming etc. More like a hotel, vs a traditional hospital.

Parking, Meals, and Odds and Ends

Parking is free for the parents. One thing: don’t use the parent badge directly if you go in the 1st time using your car, which is more likely in the case of St. Louis metro area parents. The reason is if you come in using parent badge, you won’t have entry ticket – which is handy when you leave the hospital. Another reason is we need to turn in the parent badge when we leave. Today I had to use #lostTicket feature because I gave my entry ticket to my wife. It’s not a big deal, $16 is the cost of the parking fee. I noticed quite a few people (hospital workers?) parked along the Kingshighway Blvd across the street. Probably to save some parking fees.

Meal is included for the patients and two caregivers: it seems breakfast and dinner at the cafeteria, with some limitations; and lunch is available via a phone call. We didn’t order lunch btw. Our baby ordered her meals via the SamSung tablet.

There are some outdoor areas on the rooftop (8th floor) for kids/families to walk around.

The window view from the 10th floor room is also pretty good: we are facing kings highway blvd and can see forest park and nearby buildings in the area. I will attach couple pictures of the window view shortly. I also walked at the forest park once; and went to the shake shack at Euclid road once (I went there often when I was working at Cortex in year 2019 and 2020 before pandemic).

Bills

I just paid all the urgent care and pediatricians’ bills on myuhc.com via the HSA account (and SSO). Personally, I like this electronic version of dashboard/payments better than the good old paper-based approach. Guess how much I paid so far (note this is before the ER/Inpatient bills from the children’s hospital, which I estimate to be in thousands)? I paid about $900 so far.

Lessons learned

One thing I learned from all this, I think, is that choose urgent care place wisely, or try to see pediatrician 1st. On two occasions, Monday Labor Day 9/2 and Sunday 9/8 I took our little one to two urgent care places, and they cost about $300 per trip, and the 1st trip (9/2) didn’t diagnose the pneumonia (or maybe she didn’t have it at the time, but we didn’t do X-ray on 9/2, and she was diagnosed on 9/5 Thursday at Pediatrician office).

Also not all urgent care places are the same. In my old and current neighborhood, I recommend going to the Total Access Urgent Care (TAUC) at Creve Coeur (next to the Noodles co and Walgreens), and the St. Lukes Urgent Care (next to the CVS). The reason I didn’t go to TAUC 1st this time is mainly the wait time: 1st time it suggested about 7 hours wait time, the second time about 2 hours. But again sometimes, maybe a lot of times good things (and good doctors) are worth to wait.

How much will be overall bill cost? I am making a wild guess: between ER and the inpatient at Children’s Hospital, I am guessing I likely need to pay $5000 to $10,000, after the insurance discount. Over the years the US healthcare cost skyrocketed as well as the insurance premium. I recall back probably in year 2001, more than 20 years ago, I only paid about $10 or $15 for the tonsil removal surgery (for my then significant other). The hospital bills for our two babies are about $1,500 for normal delivery and hospital stay (2 nights, if my memory is correct) at Mercy St. Louis. Regarding ER, I mentioned I went to Mercy ER in year 2006, and the bill was about $800 then. The insurance company initially didn’t want to pay: I called them and they paid eventually.

Last but not least, if you like to read more, I talked about American Healthcare systems and hospitals in the past (here are post one, two, and three in a series, also this one).

(Update 09-19-2024) It appears that I got a scammer call yesterday (luckily, I didn’t give you much information). The number is 763 656 5847 (I just did a google search). Anyone the caller claims to be UnitedHealthCare (that’s also from the Caller ID on my iPhone). And the topic is around nurse line or nurse manager (the caller knows my kid’s name and my employer’s name; this leads to me think they are not total 100% scammers). I did some google around this topic too, and here is some of the reddit thread I found (one and two). I just blocked the phone number. Better to err on the cautious side 🙂

(Update 09-25-2024) The 1st batch of bills arrived at myuhc.com, and I paid them all – 9 bills total, and the total is under $1,000 from my side, the insurance company also paid some (after discount).

(Update 10-01-2024) The total for the hospital stay is $1,228.40 so far, per myChart – I paid all via myuhc.com

(Update 10-02-2024) Got the hospital bill, I paid $175.50 via myuhc while the uhc paid more than $1,579.50.

(Update 10-03-2024) I paid hospital $34.06. I think this is likely the tail end of the bills.

(Update 10-05-2024) I summarized my out of pocket expense for the hospital bills: $2,017.16 and the subtotal of pediatrician (3 visits total) and 2 urgent care visits: $959.49. Total is $2,976.65 so far. I believe most bills are created and paid. Again the most important thing is make sure we are healthy.

(Update 10-07-2024) One more bill from the children’s: Plan Paid $28,460.68; You (I) Paid $481.77 => this makes total hospital bill to $2,498.93; also this makes the total out of pocket pay (adding $959.49) to be $3,458.42. I think we may hit a limit or something like that for out of pocket expense for this year.

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kids Life Life Tips

The 3rd week was tough

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Our 10 year old got sick on the 1st day of Labor Day weekend – 8/31 Saturday. She has violin private lesson and we had to do it over the Zoom. Initially we didn’t think too much of it, but on Monday 9/2, as we didn’t see her getting any better we decided to go to urgent care. And now I look back I think I may have chosen the wrong urgent care. The Total Access Urgent Care Creve Coeur has a long wait time, 1st estimate is 6:17 pm when I looked at it at about 11:30 am. Went to the St. Luke’s UC down the road and was told at least one hour wait. So I decided try the new Mercy Go Health at the Dierbergs plaza. The doctor said it’s some sort of viral respiratory infection but didn’t prescribe any medication, we did ruled out Covid and Streps via the tests. The doctor did listen to her lung as well.

Coming home and she wasn’t doing better. On Thursday 9/5 my wife decided taking her to see her normal pediatrician. It turns out to be pneumonia (google: long does child pneumonia last) and antibiotics were prescribed. My wife thought she may get well very quickly. I was not that confident though.

Thursday was also our 14-year-old first cross country meet and I decided to go and provide some support. Friday evening was 14-year-old first pep band performance for the high school’s 1st home football game. We came home exhausted after the game – we had fun.

Today 14 year old decided get some sleep in the morning instead of go to the 8:30 am cross country practice – which I agree. And 10 year old continues her violin lesson via Zoom once more.

Playing Time

Recently 10 year old and I got into a habit of doing some thing together, mainly around board game or something in the evening. On some of the nights I came back home a bit late: mainly because I was picking up my 14 year old. We still try to play something as simple as “spot it” (the game little kids play). Btw, it’s harder to beat the kids on the “Set game” nowadays – for me it’s almost impossible to beat 14 year old. Nowadays I started to appreciate the time spent with my daughters, as I realized my time with them is getting less as they grow up. This is especially true with 14 year old.

I know nowadays we usually want our kids get well soon when they are sick – but sometimes the virus has its own mind, and we just have to be patient 🙂

Reference

Fever or Chills, Age 11 and Younger 

Pneumonia in Children: Care Instructions (alberta.ca)

Categories
advice and tips kids Life Life Tips math-and-edu

We survived two weeks of High School, so far :-)

Reading Time: 2 minutes

This probably should be the series 2 of Ladue high school, we are coming, series I is here and I wrote it about 9 months ago.

Now it’s real – which means, every morning, I have to be patient about the traffic on Warson road. And I am very proud to announce: so far I didn’t lose my cool ha ha 🙂 Though in one morning, I told my 14 year old it’s probably for her to ride bike when we were stuck near the stop sign at Warson and Conway.

Sports and schedule

This whole actually started in the summer, because my 14 year old took two online classes (health and PE), via Launch. Both are fairly intense courses, and more than once in our China and Hong Kong trip, including in Hong Kong, I had to walk with my 14 year old to make sure she gets enough steps or make the Garmin heart rate monitor happy. We actually started from St. Louis in late June 🙂

We encouraged her to sign up varsity sports. And I quickly realized the Cross Country program is more demanding than I thought. Btw, a little fun during the training (instagram :-).

At the same time, she decided (we ok’ed) her not doing the auditioning for YPOP (YPCO and YPSO) this school year at Webster University Community Music School. We don’t want to or try to hit at every pitch, as the old baseball saying goes (and Warren Buffett likes to say it many times).

What’s next

I can see she definitely has more homework. Also due to the Cross Country practice after school, she would feel tired and tended to do “doom scrolling” (I assume it’s TikTok and YT Shorts) instead of working on the homework right away. That would push her bed time to a time that her mom cannot tolerate.

Odds and Ends

There are a lot more of those in High School. One thing is about the volunteering and tracking hours – because it may help the college application/admission down the road. Also clubs and other extra-curriculum activities – I guess there may be implications to college application too, among other things. It basically create more work and put some more pressure on the kids/family.