Sara Blakely intentionally embarrass self: this reminds me of I may want to do this to my kids occasionally. Both my kids are quite shy now.
an image of Sara Blakely LinkedIn Post
Public Appearance on Internet, and social media in general
Something related to this, partially due to pandemic, we are seeing the booming of live broadcasting on social media, such as TikTok, Douyin or Youtube.
Something interesting, or obervations from Jamie Zhong, she said on DY, people usually come to listen to her songs, while at WeChat, some people come to listen to her talk. I guess it goes both ways, for people who are freelancers, or no longer go to office, there are very little real human to human interactions nowadays, and broadcasting gives a meaningful way for people to interact, or talk.
Also 在M记等一个不会来的人 and I am quoting the album description below (it’s written by Ayen何璟昕, btw）。
I did Toast Master in 1998. I led Math Fact Scholars between 2019 and 2023 (including a break during pandemic), Spode Passport Night (twice), taught at Webster University for a year, St. Louis high schools catalyst program (once). Presented at work including when work as graduate research assistant (since 1998 ).
Fraternity (1998 to 1999): main goal was to learn English
Most recently I drove for Uber (288 trips total in about a year).
And recently I gave more thoughts on activities that is not work related. And my conclusion is I need to take care of myself 1st. And it’s okay to have 2nd thoughts or change mind. For example, I think it was probably 9 days ago, I realized I have 3 things to do in about one hour or so. So, what did I do: I changed my mind and only did the 2nd thing, the most important thing, which is to drop off S8 our old daughter to the pep band (for the HS football game). I skipped the 10th grades (sophomores) parents’ happy hour, and the Ladue Education Foundation celebration of 20 years, both activities I signed up earlier, but I am not VIP at both activities, and I don’t need to be there. I dropped off S8, I took a peek at the LEF thing and went home. Later on, that evening, I came to school and pick up her – because the following morning she needs to go to a Cross-Country Race/Meet.
It’s okay to say NO. I used to think “saying NO” will hurt people’s feelings, but at the same time I just realized “saying too many Yeses” will hurt my feeling. I learned the lesson the hard way recently too – and after I realized it, I started saying NO to a friend who thinks I have nothing to do during the day for my WFH job.
(Update 01-01-2026) Yesterday evening Mr. R called and asked for a favor when I was at Pan Asia grocery store. I said I was not at home. She said she needs a ride at about 6:30 to 7 to go to the bar. I said okay. At about 6:15 pm I was home, Mr. R called again, and she said if she could drop off something before going to the bar (her daughter’s ask). The place is 13037 Old Farm Dr., I was not nervous about it as I drove for Uber this past year, and this is at a middle class neighborhood. But after dropping off the thing (she said clothes) I had some uneasiness – as I don’t know what it exactly is. Maybe her daughter was doing some delivery job? I hope it’s the case. I think from now on I really need to politely decline those kind of asks because it made me not comfortable.
I talked about my recent exercise trend here. But I think I need to focus on my sleep a bit more, as in recent years, due to various reasons, I didn’t get the necessary sleep and that is taking a toll on my health.
Fortunately both my last job and my current job are less demanding, and less stressful. But I am getting older too 🙁
Recently I started to listen to music during sleep. That alone may not be the best solution for “not being able to fall into asleep”. But I am fine tune it, as well as adjusting so that I don’t listen to my iPod Nano (I talked about it here and here), or a new MP3 player I bought the whole time.
Also, back to exercise, I think in addition to swim or walking, I am going to focus a bit more on meditation, such as breath on Apple Watch or Yoga via YT (see my YT Yoga playlist).
PS:
I got to see my uncle (my mom’s little big brother, who is 89 years old) this summer. He commented on the sleep problem we have. He said, not exact words, but why we are worrying about things in the night? His point was we probably had too much stress from our day job (which is probably true). Back to the time when he was young, he probably doesn’t have the material things we have now, but he is much happier. Probably one reason he lives to 89 🙂
(Update 10-17-2025) I just came across this at FB “What is Success? Success is being able to go to bed each night with your Mind at Peace.”
PS 2:
To my fellow HS students’ parents especially parents of student athletes: now we have this AI thing – let AI do the work and let our kids and all of us have some more sleep 😴 (not my words, coach and my uncle’s words – they are wiser than me. Okay I added this AI thing for dramatic effect [捂脸]). Btw, tonight is the blue and white night at #LHWHS and if you have time (no impacting on your or your kids sleep schedule): the girls powder puff flag football game is fun to watch. #homecoming #powderPuff
I did one thing similar: something I mostly figured out my own, with some inputs from friend(s). I listened to Cantonese music (slow music, more like lullabies). Do you want to guess which musicians (singers) I listened to most often? Btw, I mostly use my 13-year-old iPod Nano (as shown here). Because it doesn’t have the fancy stuff on my iPhone and won’t pull me into the blackhole of “doom scrolling”.
I think in theory at least, a podcast or a book would do the similar trick. I mostly just listened to one song non-stop (loop) – a side benefit is it saves the battery of iPod Nano.
I have a friend who is by no means rich, but I saw the friend orders food delivery often. For me personally I usually order the store app and pick up food myself, and occasionally I order via Uber Eats or Grub Hub (also self-pickup). My Amex Gold card has some benefits for both apps: $10 cash back for each app each month, note the card has an annual fee that kind pays itself. For Uber Eats I bought discounted gift card at Costco. I just noticed today that Grub Hub price is slightly cheaper than Uber Eats, which the article also confirmed.
One thing though: when scrape the Uber Eats physical gift card, always do it via a coin, and do it gently. Don’t make the mistake I made on the bottom card: initially I though I can peel and see the code. I was wrong and almost lost $50 due to my stupid mistake 🙂
My uber gift cards: already redeemed. Make sure you don’t make mistakes that I made on the bottom gift card
I didn’t realized I am privileged
I just realized that when I made comments above, I didn’t realize that I am somewhat “privileged” in terms of I have the flexibility of working from home and can pick up food myself if/when needed. Not every job offers this kind of flexibility. But at the same time though, I still need to make up the lost time in the evenings or weekends when it’s applicable. Also, I actually helped that particular friend quite a bit whenever I was called and when I can.
Re: the “when I can” part, more recently I also realized that I need to make sure that I take care of myself: including my family and my work first. This is a bit touchy topic and I will talk more about it when it’s the time.
I think it’s time. Right now I am only drinking the non-alcoholic beer. I may quit that too. I never tried non-alcoholic wine, but may taste it once later on.
I think my main motivation factor is better sleep, as I talked a bit here. But there are other concerns: mainly around driving as I got my Uber duty for my kids. Also eating, which is related to sleep too.
It looks like I tried quitting about 3 years ago. I have since quit whiskey. Btw, I never drunk whiskey before I watch the Netflix show the Ranch.
Note in last 20 years or so, I don’t recall I ever got drunk once. But I do recall once, more than 20 years ago, I did had too much alcohol at my home, probably my house warming party or something, and I ended up calling up other friends and talked too much… 🙂
Note DUI (driving under influence) is a big problem in the USA. And it’s something one should never do. Because I have Uber duty (mentioned above), I think quitting drinking completely also removes one factor when I am on the duty.
Somewhat related to this: I recall a few years ago, when our older daughter was with the St. Louis Children’s Choirs, the artistic director who is a bit older than me, told the parents of the Concert Choir kids, that we write down her cell phone number and give the number to our kids. The reason is she cares deeply about the kids, and she want the kids to know, they can text or call her anytime, even when the kids are drunk or something. I think I am at this stage of my life too, if any of my family members or friends truly needs urgent help, I can be there.
When I was much younger, note I grew up in China and there was no legal drinking age. I remember a few incidents such as this one (in Chinese), I drunk some wine trying to help me fall into asleep – the results was not very good, I think. Before I was 10, I recall two incidents in which I drunk too much alcohol, and I just went to bed and slept. The other notable drinking time was around time I graduated from college.
I will update this post as time goes. Action is louder than words.
(Update 09-25-2025) I came across this tweet (a very short video) about addiction, and I found it’s helpful. There is a longer both English and Chinese versions here. The talk is actually a Ted Talk – Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong | Johann Hari | TED (YT link here).
If I can extrapolate a bit, I think a lot of times we put too many “artificial” (self-made) constraints around us and thus limiting us to achieve our full potential. I was thinking I did this to myself many times in my life, and probably many friends suffered from similar syndrome too.
The best time is now; the second-best time is tomorrow. –anonymous
After 25 years career I finally got an office with windows
Career
Per my age and typical stereotype, I think I am expected to wind down my career in the software field now (my LinkedIn profile here). I understand career is more than a LinkedIn profile or a resume, but here in the USA IT IS one of those things that MATTER, in addition to title, experience and compensation history. Useless or but fun fact: I started my LinkedIn profile in 2008, about 17 years ago.
US companies are mostly snobs, in my not too humble opinions. I mean CEOs or the higher ups, not the average Jane and Joe. Doesn’t matter whatever they say publicly – their mission is making money for the owners, not for employees. This is quite obvious from the recent high-profile layoffs such as Amazon laying off 14,000 back-office people/white collar workers last week.
And I have my favorite quote related to that topic too. When questions by reporters why he took $55 million exit package in 2002, when he was forced out, former CEO of EDS, Electronic Data Systems, Dick Brown famously said: I have an expensive wife. I know I know, I don’t have expensive wife. But I also have two daughters who like to buy things. Or should I ass that they have good taste? 🙂
Sorry a bit off topic 🙂 Last month (Oct 2025) I passed 25 years’ work anniversary in the USA. I started working here on Oct 2nd, 2000. A lot has changed since I started working here. I have seen quite a bit of industry underwent paradigm shift. From the Internet bubble (web 1.0) burst to web 2.0 (remember delicious, Flickr and digg.com?). And now we have web 3.0 and more. My career wise, I changed from working in the CAD software to mostly enterprise web applications, with a bit of consulting and iOS dev in between.
I don’t want to be forced out
I have seen coworkers who are about 50 years old, being laid off, at multiple places. Some of them were caught off guard. I was much younger or a bit younger then. Now I am at that age. And I don’t want to be in their shoes. I have literally seen grownups crying when they got laid off.
Also, right now I felt I can still do some meaningful work. If the time comes that I feel I cannot contribute in a meaningful way, I will just quit.
Re: AI, we all know the AI is causing a lot of disruptions and anxiety among IT/software workers nowadays. But I also believe at least for now, my job is not impacted. And if I can learn those AI tools and they can actually help me doing my job.
How much money is enough
One problem is most of us don’t know the answer to “how much money is enough?”. Or my favorite answer is “a little bit more” (it’s both a joke and also has some truth to it).
But seriously I need to think about this question as the date of retirement is approaching, either I want to face it or not. Some of the things I am thinking about regarding this topic.
1. My retirement is probably going to be different from my parents’ retirement. They have a more traditional retirement. My dad has a pension, and I don’t. And they stopped working completely when they retire. I think I will likely do some work (not too strenuous), for example, I will manage my 401k and IRAs, as well as doing other things I like to do (music, walking outside, does that include swimming??? 🙂 And some social life too (not drinking at the bar, I mean probably I am good enough, I can play music at the bar, again just for fun, not for money 🙂
Do I continue to mow my lawns? If I am health enough and feel like it. If not, I can either outsource it or sell the house and move to a townhouse or condo. Note selling the house will be a joint decision not solely mine.
2. I will probably have some hobbies and some travel. But probably equally important, I need to manage my 401k and IRAs, making sure they have decent return and will last. This is also something my parents don’t do. Sorry I am getting repetitive here – signs of my age and the need to retire 🙂
Still TBD as of 11-03-2025 (JIRA board doesn’t look good in terms of velocity 🙂
I need to calculate how much my 401k and IRAs were earning in last 35 or 10 years or so. If the total earnings (capital gain + dividend) are approaching my take home pay of my day job, that will be a good sign. Obviously, I need to fact into my financial obligations: the big-ticket item will be my kid’s college costs, and it will also be a big unknown because the US higher education industry is very similar to the US healthcare industry in terms of price transparency 🙂 You may read more about the college cost here as I learned last year. Note that’s applicable for the American students only (I assume US citizens and permanent residents, not sure about the children of visa holders), and not for the international students. Consult an expert on this topic, if applicable.
3. When applicable, I am thinking some side hustles including but not limiting to Uber or eBay to make some money and have something to do.
Cannot counting on that for meaningful amount of money though – ideally main income stream should come from investments, as said in this old saying “if you don’t make money when you sleep, you will work until you die.” I for one definitely don’t want to work until I die.
Update 09-26-2025: she is back safe and sound and we asked her this boring question: did you miss us? …… based on the feedback, we think she is ready for some sleep away summer camp next summer 🙂
(Original 09-10-2025) 再过一个礼拜，下礼拜三我们家小宝（潇宝）就要第一次离开爸爸妈妈，和她的六年级小朋友们，老师们，以及Ladue 高中的大哥哥大姐姐counselor 们去大概80公里以外的 Camp Mihaska 宿营两个晚上。The 6th graders camp has been a Ladue Middle School tradition since year 1977 – when I was 6 years old. I believe not many this school year’s LMS 6th graders parents were born yet, my wife included 🙂
我又想到老爸我自己18岁高中毕业去武汉上大学：一个人背着行李从上海的十六铺码头走上长江轮，跟我的爸爸和姑父挥手告别。后来又在大学毕业四年以后从上海独自来美留学。我记得来美之前的那个晚上没睡着：因为我不确定美国到底是个怎么样的地方？|| 从父母的角度我常听说”儿（女）行千里母担忧”。我想做父亲也一样：只是我们中国的传统文化里还有”男儿有泪不轻弹”。那父亲也就最好不要表现会外露自己的真实感情了。我自己的经验和观察是有不少父亲也是担忧的或弹眼泪的（或者把眼泪留在眼眶里？）。可怜天下父母心：虽然我现在已年过半百，在我的老母亲那里，我可能还是那个12岁就去镇海中学读书的小孩。比如说她会担心我下午两三点到上海，有地方吃饭吗？找的到旅馆吗？等等。昨天我小女儿就跟我说接送她去学校的事，我跟她开玩笑说：I want to hold you (我要把你抱起来）。她说No, but we can hug. Best of the luck in the road ahead, my baby girl. Dad always loves you.
I have a Mac Mini, and I owned it for quite a few years now. I bought it at Costco St. Peters store, at around Christmas 2021. I used to use it to get to Citrix via Citrix Workspace, the remote desktop software that I used for work. The main reason I prefer this over the company provided IGEL product is I like the keyboard and touchPad for my Mac Mini better than the IGEL’s. I no longer uses Citrix as my employer switched to another software for remote work, also they provided a company laptop for work.
But I still have the Mac Mini, and sometimes I like to see my kids use the Mac Mini, instead of the laptop. Because the Mac Mini (the desktop) is in a public location, and I know what they are doing there. My older daughter (15) has the MacBook Air too: and not surprisingly she would goof around much more – aka doing TikTok etc. compared to do real things at the desktop.
Other benefits of a desktop computer is a larger display or screen, and family members can work on something together, if/when applicable. This is similar to the good old days, when we work in office, we have desktop or large screen, we can do pair programming or debugging together.
If you have limited budget, and don’t have extra money for Mac Mini or something similar, I fully understand. And if you have an extra display, you can still connect the laptop to the external display, to take advantage of the real estate. In fact, I think I have one or two extra external displays, if you are in STL area and are interested, shoot me an email at minjie dot xu at gmail dot com, and you can pick it up at my home at Olivette (aka 橄榄村)。
Separately, I just bought a new iPad for myself. I hope to use iPad more often (instead of iPhone). This has been my goal, but previous effort (a Samsung Android tablet) has been fallen short.
We cannot always be more talented than others – assume the nature born talent is “born”.
But we can always be more kind than others.
Example 1:
A rival tennis club owner trash talks about CCRC (Creve Coeur Racquet Club), ironically this owner is a fellow parent of kid in my younger daughter’s grade. Initially I thought about moving my daughter from CCRC (now Lifetime Fitness Creve Coeur) to that rival tennis club. Now I have some doubts whether I should move her. I do understand quite a few people moved before of the CCRC to Lifetime Fitness CC transition, including the coaches (the pros in the tennis world).
Example 2:
An internet singer I recently wrote, trash talks Coco Lee 李玟 ‘s perceived lack of mainland culture awareness in her mandarin education: 说她中文不正宗. This is totally unnecessary as Coco grew up mostly in the west. Quote a bit from her Wikipedia pagebelow:
Ferren Lee was born on 17 January 1975[19][20] in Hong Kong[6][16] or Wuhan.[21][22] She was a posthumous child, as her father had died earlier of an illness. She had physical defects in her left leg, which affected her throughout her life and contributed to her later challenges.[23] After her father’s death, Lee’s mother moved the family to Hong Kong to seek support from relatives. They faced difficult times there before emigrating to the US when Lee was nine years old.[24][25] She had two elder sisters, Carol and Nancy, the latter of whom would become Lee’s manager early in her career.[26] Growing up in San Francisco, Lee attended Redding Elementary School, Presidio Middle School, and Raoul Wallenberg Traditional High School.[27] She won the title of Miss Teen Chinatown San Francisco in 1991 at age 16.
Buffett and Munger
Now I recall Warren Buffett famously said “critique by category, not by name”. Charlie Munger may be a bit more critical on people in certain industry, e.g., cryptos.
In many ways we can out-work or work harder than others too. That’s topic for another day. But work smarter is equally important if not more.
Lap pool (warm water, temperature is probably at 80F): 25 yards
Outdoor
They have two kinds of setups for the lap swimming
Shorter: about 25 yards
Longer: about 25 meters (about 27.43 yards)
Those numbers are a bit trickier because they are not standard. And I got it from my own try and error, via my Apple watch. I assume Apple watch is measuring the pool length correctly.
Need some confirmation as I haven’t been there for a long time.
(Update 06-24-2025)
Today (this evening) it was a bit usual because a boy approached me and asked whether I speak English. I said yes, and he asked if I could teach him to swim. It looks like he can swim to some extent. I showed him and his friend how to breeze via mouth above the water. Also, the very basics of breaststroke. The boy is 11, his friend is 9 and the boy’s big sister is 12. They all know some swimming or can swim some: but they seem have not taken formal swimming lessons at the J or somewhere equivalent.
I never in my life would think I would teach kids swimming. I never taught my own kids. I did teach my wife a bit re: breathing or blow the water (suck in air and leave the water out via mouth). I don’t mind teaching kids one a while, but if every time I go to lap swimming, and I could not find an empty or semi-empty lap, I may have 2nd thoughts on this.
(Update 06-25-2025)
I am continuing adjusting the length of the pool on my Apple Watch. Today I set it to 31 yards. This thing puzzles me a bit: if the Apple watch can measure my swimming distance, why it needs the pool length. It seems it’s using the pool length to do some kind of calibration, so that it could come up a nice round number for the total swimming distance.
