And recently I gave more thoughts on activities that is not work related. And my conclusion is I need to take care of myself 1st. And it’s okay to have 2nd thoughts or change mind. For example, I think it was probably 9 days ago, I realized I have 3 things to do in about one hour or so. So, what did I do: I changed my mind and only did the 2nd thing, the most important thing, which is to drop off S8 our old daughter to the pep band (for the HS football game). I skipped the 10th grades (sophomores) parents’ happy hour, and the Ladue Education Foundation celebration of 20 years, both activities I signed up earlier, but I am not VIP at both activities, and I don’t need to be there. I dropped off S8, I took a peek at the LEF thing and went home. Later on, that evening, I came to school and pick up her – because the following morning she needs to go to a Cross-Country Race/Meet.
It’s okay to say NO. I used to think “saying NO” will hurt people’s feelings, but at the same time I just realized “saying too many Yeses” will hurt my feeling. I learned the lesson the hard way recently too – and after I realized it, I started saying NO to a friend who thinks I have nothing to do during the day for my WFH job.
(Update 01-01-2026) Yesterday evening Mr. R called and asked for a favor when I was at Pan Asia grocery store. I said I was not at home. She said she needs a ride at about 6:30 to 7 to go to the bar. I said okay. At about 6:15 pm I was home, Mr. R called again, and she said if she could drop off something before going to the bar (her daughter’s ask). The place is 13037 Old Farm Dr., I was not nervous about it as I drove for Uber this past year, and this is at a middle class neighborhood. But after dropping off the thing (she said clothes) I had some uneasiness – as I don’t know what it exactly is. Maybe her daughter was doing some delivery job? I hope it’s the case. I think from now on I really need to politely decline those kind of asks because it made me not comfortable.
I talked about my recent exercise trend here. But I think I need to focus on my sleep a bit more, as in recent years, due to various reasons, I didn’t get the necessary sleep and that is taking a toll on my health.
Fortunately both my last job and my current job are less demanding, and less stressful. But I am getting older too 🙁
Recently I started to listen to music during sleep. That alone may not be the best solution for “not being able to fall into asleep”. But I am fine tune it, as well as adjusting so that I don’t listen to my iPod Nano (I talked about it here and here), or a new MP3 player I bought the whole time.
Also, back to exercise, I think in addition to swim or walking, I am going to focus a bit more on meditation, such as breath on Apple Watch or Yoga via YT (see my YT Yoga playlist).
PS:
I got to see my uncle (my mom’s little big brother, who is 89 years old) this summer. He commented on the sleep problem we have. He said, not exact words, but why we are worrying about things in the night? His point was we probably had too much stress from our day job (which is probably true). Back to the time when he was young, he probably doesn’t have the material things we have now, but he is much happier. Probably one reason he lives to 89 🙂
(Update 10-17-2025) I just came across this at FB “What is Success? Success is being able to go to bed each night with your Mind at Peace.”
PS 2:
To my fellow HS students’ parents especially parents of student athletes: now we have this AI thing – let AI do the work and let our kids and all of us have some more sleep 😴 (not my words, coach and my uncle’s words – they are wiser than me. Okay I added this AI thing for dramatic effect [捂脸]). Btw, tonight is the blue and white night at #LHWHS and if you have time (no impacting on your or your kids sleep schedule): the girls powder puff flag football game is fun to watch. #homecoming #powderPuff
I did one thing similar: something I mostly figured out my own, with some inputs from friend(s). I listened to Cantonese music (slow music, more like lullabies). Do you want to guess which musicians (singers) I listened to most often? Btw, I mostly use my 13-year-old iPod Nano (as shown here). Because it doesn’t have the fancy stuff on my iPhone and won’t pull me into the blackhole of “doom scrolling”.
I think in theory at least, a podcast or a book would do the similar trick. I mostly just listened to one song non-stop (loop) – a side benefit is it saves the battery of iPod Nano.
I have a friend who is by no means rich, but I saw the friend orders food delivery often. For me personally I usually order the store app and pick up food myself, and occasionally I order via Uber Eats or Grub Hub (also self-pickup). My Amex Gold card has some benefits for both apps: $10 cash back for each app each month, note the card has an annual fee that kind pays itself. For Uber Eats I bought discounted gift card at Costco. I just noticed today that Grub Hub price is slightly cheaper than Uber Eats, which the article also confirmed.
One thing though: when scrape the Uber Eats physical gift card, always do it via a coin, and do it gently. Don’t make the mistake I made on the bottom card: initially I though I can peel and see the code. I was wrong and almost lost $50 due to my stupid mistake 🙂
My uber gift cards: already redeemed. Make sure you don’t make mistakes that I made on the bottom gift card
I didn’t realized I am privileged
I just realized that when I made comments above, I didn’t realize that I am somewhat “privileged” in terms of I have the flexibility of working from home and can pick up food myself if/when needed. Not every job offers this kind of flexibility. But at the same time though, I still need to make up the lost time in the evenings or weekends when it’s applicable. Also, I actually helped that particular friend quite a bit whenever I was called and when I can.
Re: the “when I can” part, more recently I also realized that I need to make sure that I take care of myself: including my family and my work first. This is a bit touchy topic and I will talk more about it when it’s the time.
I received my H-1B visa about 25 years ago. I went directly from F-1 student visa to H-1B worker (without the OPT or Optional Practical Training) because I quit from the Ph.D program from my graduate school at the time. I was probably one of the first batch of the international graduate students took that route in my school. Do keep in mind the US job market and economy was in much better shape at the time (1999 and 2000) compared to now. The current job market is the worst job market I’ve seen in last 25 years.
I came across a thread re: H-1B on linkedIn re: this topic. I pasted the content below as not everyone has LinkedIn. You may find the discussion below the post interesting too.
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I’m seeing a lot of takes about the new H1B $100,000 fee. What I rarely see is this issue framed from the perspective of the unemployed senior software engineer with 10–20+ years of experience who has been searching for months; or the recent CS graduate who can’t land their first job.
The reality is that the H1B program has been heavily used for cheap labor. When you count renewals, there are over 600,000 H1Bs in the U.S. Roughly two thirds (400,000) are in technology; and the vast majority of those are software engineers.
Multiple studies by the Center for Immigration Studies; a group that is generally pro immigrant; have found that H1B employees in technology earn about 30% less than domestic engineers. With around 1.2 million employed software engineers in the U.S., that means roughly one third of the field has been replaced by H1Bs over the past decade. This isn’t a case of “we can’t find enough domestic engineers.” This is “we’re going to replace our existing engineers with cheaper labor.”
The most glaring example came recently… Microsoft laid off thousands of employees and then applied for thousands of H1Bs to replace them. So yes, the program is heavily abused. I’m not calling for it to be axed; the original purpose of H1B was to bring in the best and brightest to fill genuine gaps. That’s still important. But the way it’s being used today is a complete distortion of that purpose.
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The US is obviously going through a lot of changes since the new administration took over in January 2025. But I didn’t expect things happened so fast: probably some other friends felt the same way too.
I think it’s time. Right now I am only drinking the non-alcoholic beer. I may quit that too. I never tried non-alcoholic wine, but may taste it once later on.
I think my main motivation factor is better sleep, as I talked a bit here. But there are other concerns: mainly around driving as I got my Uber duty for my kids. Also eating, which is related to sleep too.
It looks like I tried quitting about 3 years ago. I have since quit whiskey. Btw, I never drunk whiskey before I watch the Netflix show the Ranch.
Note in last 20 years or so, I don’t recall I ever got drunk once. But I do recall once, more than 20 years ago, I did had too much alcohol at my home, probably my house warming party or something, and I ended up calling up other friends and talked too much… 🙂
Note DUI (driving under influence) is a big problem in the USA. And it’s something one should never do. Because I have Uber duty (mentioned above), I think quitting drinking completely also removes one factor when I am on the duty.
Somewhat related to this: I recall a few years ago, when our older daughter was with the St. Louis Children’s Choirs, the artistic director who is a bit older than me, told the parents of the Concert Choir kids, that we write down her cell phone number and give the number to our kids. The reason is she cares deeply about the kids, and she want the kids to know, they can text or call her anytime, even when the kids are drunk or something. I think I am at this stage of my life too, if any of my family members or friends truly needs urgent help, I can be there.
When I was much younger, note I grew up in China and there was no legal drinking age. I remember a few incidents such as this one (in Chinese), I drunk some wine trying to help me fall into asleep – the results was not very good, I think. Before I was 10, I recall two incidents in which I drunk too much alcohol, and I just went to bed and slept. The other notable drinking time was around time I graduated from college.
I will update this post as time goes. Action is louder than words.
(Update 09-25-2025) I came across this tweet (a very short video) about addiction, and I found it’s helpful. There is a longer both English and Chinese versions here. The talk is actually a Ted Talk – Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong | Johann Hari | TED (YT link here).
If I can extrapolate a bit, I think a lot of times we put too many “artificial” (self-made) constraints around us and thus limiting us to achieve our full potential. I was thinking I did this to myself many times in my life, and probably many friends suffered from similar syndrome too.
Having worked in the IT/software field for almost 25 years, I think it was beneficial to know a few good recruiters, at least it’s something I felt important in the old days in the IT/software industry. Another reason to have recruiters, is because that’s their livelihood and they have incentive to help or work for you.
I still recall Michael Banocy: about 20 years ago, it was probably year 2007 or 2008, I recall he said to me “make sure you have some marketable skills, and then you will be okay”. Although I haven’t worked with Michael directly after that, his words left me impressions. I just realized he retired in recent years. He is probably 15 years senior than me.
The first time I worked with recruiter, it was for a contractor position at Unigroup (2010). Note: I have comments for most of my past employers or clients here, if you are interested. Please note they are by no means comprehensive, it’s just my quick notes and hopefully it benefits people in the future.
I worked with another recruiter in 2012 for another contractor position, about 2 years later after the 1st contractor position. Those 2 plus the earlier position at Unidev, which technically is a contractor position for Union Pacific railroad, are all the contractor positions I had. Btw, I talked about contractor vs employee here. I worked with recruiters after 2012 too, but I believe I found all my positions myself the the exception of my current position, and the Mercy Health position. In both cases, I already know the recruiters because I knew them from working with Technology Partners earlier (2010).
I also worked with recruiters a bit in year 2019 and 2020, when I was working for Ascension, as we were hiring quite a few people at the time.
The best time is now; the second-best time is tomorrow. –anonymous
After 25 years career I finally got an office with windows
Career
Per my age and typical stereotype, I think I am expected to wind down my career in the software field now (my LinkedIn profile here). I understand career is more than a LinkedIn profile or a resume, but here in the USA IT IS one of those things that MATTER, in addition to title, experience and compensation history. Useless or but fun fact: I started my LinkedIn profile in 2008, about 17 years ago.
US companies are mostly snobs, in my not too humble opinions. I mean CEOs or the higher ups, not the average Jane and Joe. Doesn’t matter whatever they say publicly – their mission is making money for the owners, not for employees. This is quite obvious from the recent high-profile layoffs such as Amazon laying off 14,000 back-office people/white collar workers last week.
And I have my favorite quote related to that topic too. When questions by reporters why he took $55 million exit package in 2002, when he was forced out, former CEO of EDS, Electronic Data Systems, Dick Brown famously said: I have an expensive wife. I know I know, I don’t have expensive wife. But I also have two daughters who like to buy things. Or should I ass that they have good taste? 🙂
Sorry a bit off topic 🙂 Last month (Oct 2025) I passed 25 years’ work anniversary in the USA. I started working here on Oct 2nd, 2000. A lot has changed since I started working here. I have seen quite a bit of industry underwent paradigm shift. From the Internet bubble (web 1.0) burst to web 2.0 (remember delicious, Flickr and digg.com?). And now we have web 3.0 and more. My career wise, I changed from working in the CAD software to mostly enterprise web applications, with a bit of consulting and iOS dev in between.
I don’t want to be forced out
I have seen coworkers who are about 50 years old, being laid off, at multiple places. Some of them were caught off guard. I was much younger or a bit younger then. Now I am at that age. And I don’t want to be in their shoes. I have literally seen grownups crying when they got laid off.
Also, right now I felt I can still do some meaningful work. If the time comes that I feel I cannot contribute in a meaningful way, I will just quit.
Re: AI, we all know the AI is causing a lot of disruptions and anxiety among IT/software workers nowadays. But I also believe at least for now, my job is not impacted. And if I can learn those AI tools and they can actually help me doing my job.
How much money is enough
One problem is most of us don’t know the answer to “how much money is enough?”. Or my favorite answer is “a little bit more” (it’s both a joke and also has some truth to it).
But seriously I need to think about this question as the date of retirement is approaching, either I want to face it or not. Some of the things I am thinking about regarding this topic.
1. My retirement is probably going to be different from my parents’ retirement. They have a more traditional retirement. My dad has a pension, and I don’t. And they stopped working completely when they retire. I think I will likely do some work (not too strenuous), for example, I will manage my 401k and IRAs, as well as doing other things I like to do (music, walking outside, does that include swimming??? 🙂 And some social life too (not drinking at the bar, I mean probably I am good enough, I can play music at the bar, again just for fun, not for money 🙂
Do I continue to mow my lawns? If I am health enough and feel like it. If not, I can either outsource it or sell the house and move to a townhouse or condo. Note selling the house will be a joint decision not solely mine.
2. I will probably have some hobbies and some travel. But probably equally important, I need to manage my 401k and IRAs, making sure they have decent return and will last. This is also something my parents don’t do. Sorry I am getting repetitive here – signs of my age and the need to retire 🙂
Still TBD as of 11-03-2025 (JIRA board doesn’t look good in terms of velocity 🙂
I need to calculate how much my 401k and IRAs were earning in last 35 or 10 years or so. If the total earnings (capital gain + dividend) are approaching my take home pay of my day job, that will be a good sign. Obviously, I need to fact into my financial obligations: the big-ticket item will be my kid’s college costs, and it will also be a big unknown because the US higher education industry is very similar to the US healthcare industry in terms of price transparency 🙂 You may read more about the college cost here as I learned last year. Note that’s applicable for the American students only (I assume US citizens and permanent residents, not sure about the children of visa holders), and not for the international students. Consult an expert on this topic, if applicable.
3. When applicable, I am thinking some side hustles including but not limiting to Uber or eBay to make some money and have something to do.
Cannot counting on that for meaningful amount of money though – ideally main income stream should come from investments, as said in this old saying “if you don’t make money when you sleep, you will work until you die.” I for one definitely don’t want to work until I die.
Yesterday (9/14 Sunday, I started writing this blog on 9/15 Monday) was the last day for the outdoor pool at the J Creve Coeur, for this year.
This summer is likely the most I swam in a summer in an outdoor setting.
Growing up I didn’t know how to swim. The main reason is my parents were very much scared that we would drown in the water reservoir which is one or two miles away. The story was two young guys who are probably in their early 20s, went to swimming after a hot working day in the summer, and both of them drowned and died. I am guessing they were probably my dad’s age or slightly younger. I have 2 elder brothers, we played in the water sometimes, but not at the big water reservoir. We played at the brooks in front of our house, and also a small pond in which we can stand without swimming. Only one of my brothers, my little big brother (who is 2 years older than me), learned or taught himself how to swim.
I first learned to swim myself after college, mostly at swimming pools, when I was working in Shanghai. I did learned a few things from other people, here and there. But the most important part is I practice myself, either in the swimming pool, or when I get a chance, in the water park. But my swimming skills were not that great, and my stamina for swimming is not that great either. That lasted for long time, until this summer, as I decided to swim more or longer distances. I think in the past, I usually swim probably 6 laps or 300 yards at the J indoor lap pool. This year, I set my goal higher, and I usually swim 600 yards. I also swam more at the outdoor pool when possible. Keep in mind I talked about the J or JCC here and there, and as you may be able to tell I am a fan of the J.
Also, note I paused swimming for quite a while before this summer. But now I am back.
This summer, at the J outdoor pool, once a boy asked me how to swim. He probably thought that I am a good or a decent swimmer because I was doing lap swimming. I never expected that but it’s definitely made my day as I like to share my knowledge with other people, especially younger folks. I think the boy is 11 years old, just like my younger daughter. Both my girls know how to swim, but they are not big fans of swimming as their dad 🙂
Now I am back to the indoor swimming, and I hope to stick to it until next summer.
I talked about “learning Cantonese” a while ago, in my earlier blog post. There is probably another reason that led me to learn Cantonese and I am not going to disclose for now. But I promise it’s a good reason or motivation factor for me. Hint: this is along the lines of the point 2 I laid out in my earlier blog post 🙂
Back to the learning resources.
First, Duolingo, which I have used for about 180 days now. Duolingo itself is free but you can pay for advanced features. It’s a good way to get feet wet.
Recently I bought a course (mini-program, or 小程序）on WeChat, I learned a tiny bit of Pin’yin so far. I am attaching the screen shots below.
识某文微信小程序
Then I came across this one 粵語網路課堂. This is a self paced online learning course created by 香港中文大學自學中心 the Chinese University at Hong Kong (website, Wikipedia). I haven’t started on this one yet: my expectation is the content here will be good, but in terms of delivery or interactions, the mini-program, or 小程序 above may work better for many people (a bit like Duolingo, mini-program will be more engaging).
Last but not least, this one from Qing’ting FM 📻 app, my old friend.
Note you don’t have to pay to become a member if you don’t need to go back and listen to old podcasts.
In my opinion it’s stupid for me to persuade people to change their political or religious views, or world view for that matter, especially for people over 50 years old.
Also, recently I found out one of my friends in middle school, doesn’t appear to understand a simple thing (the point I was trying to make) I said in the WeChat group. Honestly, I am not surprised.
Last but not least, my latest rant on FB (here is what I said on FB regarding that article/that situation: People are doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different outcomes. What I am saying is, even for the lottery, 99.999999% of the time, one would not win the million dollar jack pot. || That’s the main reason I am retiring from the politics and lottery business. That’s the only way I keep myself sane. || Honestly whenever I saw someone who appears doesn’t have a million dollars in the bank* is buying lottery tickets in stash of cash (not just a $5 bill), I am saying a prayer for the state of the Missouri (the are the lottery authority) and this person’s math teacher. || * I could be wrong estimating people’s wealth – I should not judge people just by their look.)
