I happened to see this on twitter/X, and I would say the Middle Westeners have both (kind and nice 🙂
I am in HK right now with my family, and my 14 year old commented STL is not as famous for tourism compared to Hong Kong. True. We are on the way from the US to mainland China to see our families (here is my post on the air ticket shortly after we bought it).
Also I commented if she doesn’t do the online PE, I would not have the opportunity to hangout with her, such as walking on the Hong Kong street.
This also somewhat reminds me when I went to Wuhan for college in year 1989, my dad took me to Shanghai, before I onboard the boat from SH to Wuhan.
PS: I posted the above content (similar content) on FB and they flagged and deleted my post right away. I think from now on I will limiting my posting there. All major social media platforms have a lot of power. One thing I noticed is YouTube deletes any comments with a link to another website.
My 14 year old chose to do both Health and PE from Launch, an online program from Springfield MO school district. And she was doing camp or camp counselor duty as well, with Before Care responsibility for the counselor job. It seems this is more like regular school in steroids or turbo-charged.
I think I failed as a parent that I didn’t do the due diligence on those two online courses. Earlier I thought me sweating over the USPS shipping (potentially losing) the Garmin heart rate monitor was a bit stressful. Now I think about it – my 14 year old trying to make the heart rate monitor happy is much harder. She needs 7 or 7.5 hours per week of physical exercises, with heart rate needs to be above a certain threshold. Hope she can get some more sleep over the weekend and after the camp counselor duty soon.
Dealing with my 14 y old: the new retainer got lost in a week. See: I was smart that I bought the “retainer insurance” 🙂 If the opportunity arises, I would buy the “iPhone insurance” too (remember why I bought iPhone 15 : long story short, she accidentally broke her iPhone XR (which was passed on from me), and I decided to buy iPhone 15 so that I can give my iPhone 12 to her.
And before that, she lost her wallet at the J (due to theft).
So we have 2 accidents and one theft (in which she is victim, but still as my wife says, you don’t want to be careless so that the thief would notice you 🙂
Why, why, why is her so sloppy in terms of keep track of her things?
I can think of one reason, which is coming back right to us – we babied her too much, reminded her consistently (sometimes a bit excessive), which made her rely on our reminders to some extent. This is definitely not healthy. Here is one article on the topic – How to get your kid to do stuff without having to constantly remind them
Another reason is probably because there is no real consequences for her on those kinds of things. Imagine if I “broke something like iPhone”, there is no iPhone then, let’s just say that I lost a radio, or a cassette player (a Walkman). It won’t be trivial let me guarantee that. Even if my parents didn’t say anything: I would feel bad. In college now I recall I did have a few accidents: including once someone broke my drawer and stole my money there – remember the loss from theft story I talked above. Even today I still suspected someone in my dorm room or someone has the connection stole my money (they probably knew I received money shortly before that). Once in a bus in Wu’chang, I realized my wallet got stolen by a pocket picker.
I guess that’s one hard part of parenting. But I think I would still trade “being my daughters’ Uber driver” any day (see the paragraph below), over true retirement which means I probably need to find something productive to do if I am still healthy.
昨天基本上就是半退的状态-我告诉我老大我大概为她的事跑了两个半小时-为她的retainer开车到new and cool St. Peter’s orthodontist 🦷 office 两次（2 round trips, drop off mold 1st, then pick up when the new retainer is ready); 放学到学校接她(got “dad, can you pick me up” text when I was taking a walk to Warson park). Yes sure 🙂
PS: I talked about “soldier on” mentality to my 14 year old and she thinks it’s too much. She basically her generation doesn’t care. My sense is she felt that is “out of date” concept. After all, until fairly recently she never ate anything from White Castle (they have very cheap food). I guess many of her friends are privileged like her too. I heard some people spending tons of money on Bar and bat mitzvah: one of my Jewish friend told me some rich people spent wedding like money on the adulthood ceremony. She was invited to one last year and it seems pretty good too. This is quite different from my middle school days. Too bad she still has to work on similar math homework I do in my days 🙂
关于Soldier On, 我的理解很大程度上是“坚持”：我记得高中一年级，有一次运动会，跑四百米，我知道我有可能拿道第三名，最后一百米使出吃奶的力气，紧紧跟住第三名，后来我是第四。我的一个同学后来跟我说：其实他（第三名）也是害怕你一直跟着他。我觉得现在美国的很多问题其实也是因为缺少坚持，努力和毅力。
And if/when I tried to tell her or remind her to be more careful (maybe once to 3 times at the most), she would say: dad, basically you are telling me things I already know. So, here am I, the middle age guy who tends to repeat himself 啰嗦或是爱唠叨的老头。
I think she may be more talented or intelligent than me, but without that grit I am not 100% sure that she will be successful. A related phenomena is I saw very few Americans want/like to do physical labor nowadays: by that I mean things such as construction work, mining etc. For example, we saw all the contruction workers in the Baltimore Bridge accident are immigrants – An international tragedy: A father of 3 and a budding entrepreneur are among 6 victims of the Baltimore bridge collapse. The irony part is those workers were trying to fix the potholes in the highway (on the bridge) that many commuters and 18 wheelers use daily – assume mostly are the wear and tear.
Or maybe this is so called generation gap 代沟？After all, once she said: I don’t think there is any ethical billionaire. I guess her definition of “ethical” has higher standards than most. Then she added: Taylor Swift included too. That’s my girl: at least she is thinking and has her own opinion.
I don’t know about you, but I was fairly enthusiastic about sports when I was in the middle school and part of the high school. At one time I thought I should join the Chinese youth soccer team (under 16), which looking back I don’t think that’s possible.
A few months ago I also talked about Tennis 网球. Recently (to be precise on Jan 7 Sunday evening) my old daughter injured her ankle during a tennis clinics session. I only saw her injured after the fact, as I didn’t see her fall on the spot, which is a few minutes towards the end of clinics. So we got the ankle wraps and tapes etc. from the Walgreens. But she still jumps on one leg – because she could not use any force on her injured ankle. The second day was Monday (school day), obviously we cannot go to school under this condition. And because “wait and see”, as well as “my wife’s reluctance go to urgent care” that day, I went ahead and bought Crutches from Walgreens (I posted it on CL recently).
Urgent care and specialists
The following Tuesday we still went to the Total Access Urgent care (TAUC) next to Walgreens at Creve Coeur (cost: $175.00 not too bad). Then it’s following up. I chose and went to the Shriner’s Hospital for that: 2 trips, the cost to us is only $102.13, plus they have magicians on site sometimes. This seems very reasonable. This is much cheaper than the X-ray service fee (more than $400) from BJC for scoliosis (false positive, but nonetheless the checkup/x-ray and followup with specialist (not too bad there).
(Update 03-18-2024) It seems the Shriner’s Hospital changed their billing in the month of February. Since last time I paid them inside MyChart, I received 2 more bills and I paid them online (a new bill pay website, not from MyChart). The total is about $250. Btw, BJC sent one more bill from the doctor who reads the X-ray, it’s not a lot – but overall cost seems high to me.
(Update 03-26-2023) Okay, I think now I understand most bills now. There were 5 bills or 5 payments from my side. Two bills for the X ray which although it says the doctor’s name in the insurance company website’s benefit explanation section. Two bills for the nurse practitioner who looked at S. And one therapist who came for the 2nd visit. The total out of pocket for Shriner’s hospital is about $450 for us.
4 Bills from the Shriner’s hospital, I think I turned off the paper bill in MyChart and one of the paper bill didn’t come
Btw, I am selling a few gentenly used items on eBay to recover some of the costs.
Our old daughter back to court after 3 weeks break, at CCRC.
几个礼拜前她的脚踝扭了：现在已恢复。我几个礼拜之前说了买网球鞋的事：大家如打网球，可以参考一下。A side note is our 13 year old got to hang out with her friend in the mall on Saturday. I recall when I was her age: I like to hang out at the bookstore by myself, and also I saved some changes and bought snacks such as 金团 一种糯米做的甜点。美国中西部没有金团，类似的甜点有mochi 应该是从日本来的。Anyway I am quite happy she is back to her normal routine, and also enjoys some “chill time” with her friend.
Adolescence
Our 13 year old is soon going to be 14 year old. And recently she started to pick up her own clothes, and I think some of it (the style) is likely influenced by the TikTok and YT shorts, her friends (again TT and YTS), and some stores such as Aerie (American Eagle).
In contrast, I recall I started to pick my own clothes around similar age.
Performative Society
Other related topics: how hard should parents push adolescent kids on sports, for that matter anything.
I felt we increasingly live in a performative society, thinking applicable to me (or my work) as well. This is a bigger topic and I will come back to it sometime soon, hopefully.
PS: personally I haven’t had hurt my ankle that bad, when I was a teen. I did get my ankle hurt once during a soccer game, in which my teammate accidentally kicked my left ankle (using his dominant foot, right foot), he and I was trying to kick the same soccer ball.
Look around you will see a friend, a family, we are brothers and sisters too.
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(I forgot the exact grace before dinner at Fraternity. I recall there may be something about brotherhood. If I look carefully enough, it may be in some of the materials I still have)
Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven: Give us this day our daily bread; And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil; For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen.
I came across this prayer on a Sunday at a friend’s friend’s house: baby shower (Nov 2013). I was just told by my recruiter that my contractor position would end in 2 weeks on the Friday evening prior. And I suspect someone at the company I worked at, may have said bad things about me then. I don’t have proof, just suspicion. Now I think it’s more a business decision, change of direction basically. The prayer made a difference on how I feel about the situation, or at least how I wanted to approach the things.
I got a job offer a few days later 🙂
Prayer before bed
Probably not as common as the prayer before the meals. But when our older daughter was younger, I usually say a few prayers before she goes to bed. A few years ago, she would say “love” to everyone before going to sleep. Now our younger one does the same.
Seven years ago, when my 12 year old was 5, and we sent her to a summer camp. One day she came back in the afternoon with wet clothes, and we were upset and I sent angry email to the camp lead counselor (adult who is in charge). At the beginning of last school year (fall 2021), at the middle school, they had similar incident, in which kids wait in the rain for the bus, I recall there was a heated discussion thread on the FB private group (on Ladue Community Connect: more precisely the Aug 26, 2021 post). When I grew up I was taught in a culture to avoid rained on, and more importantly don’t wear the wet clothes for an extended period of time, as it will be bad for one’s health. On the other hand, until recently I started to appreciate that got rained on is not necessary bad. Something like described in this tweet.
Yesterday morning, it rained, and we told our 12 year old to bring umbrella. She was reluctant, and later told me she doesn’t know how to open and close umbrella. I let her practice a few times. She took it.
Dressing warm or put on jacket is more a struggle. Sometimes I was successful, other times I decided it’s not the fight I wanted to pick that day. Like this morning. It was about 40 degrees fahrenheit, and she was the only kid with a T-shirt. She probably put her jacket in the backpack. I waved to her, and did not ask her to put it on. I wish her well today. Hope she doesn’t get cold (I heard getting cold is not necessarily from lack of clothes 🙂
PS: I posted it on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. With a hashtag #preteen (daily struggle etc). And I got warning from the Twitter: “We put a warning on one or more recent Tweets because they might have sensitive content. If you think this warning is a mistake, you can appeal.” || I deleted the tweet.
Ladue School Board Candidate Q&A With Sheri Glantz ” If funding allows, adding the option of Chinese to our foreign language department would be a priority.” (do I hear any volunteer here? Kidding. I mean a part time Chinese instructor to be serious)
for more detailed information on election, refer to County Board of Election (citizen can request)
2019
results (county board of election): Johnson, Kopolow won out of 3 canidates
2020: there was no election on this year and the incumbent ran #unopposed (there was no new comer). The bylaw says that if there is no bond issue, and there is no new comer, there is no need for election.
Masks are much more widely available, and much more widely accepted now, compared to the early days of shutdown, or in February when the US was not directly impacted by COVID. I recall buying masks at Chinese grocery store, also at the Aliexpress.com (a subsidiary of Alibaba that serves customers outside of China). Also friends in China sent in some. All those are one time use “surgical type” or “dusk” masks. The quality was okay but great. Now those are more widely available in large websites or stores as well: Amazon, Costco, Walmart etc. The price came down as well.
But I am not a big fan of one time use masks. I had one cotton mask before the pandemic, and I used it a lot (I do need to wash it more often). Recently I found those Hanes masks are good or decent. They have 50 packs as well. It comes down to $2.50 per piece. I already received it, washed it, and started using it. I think one person can use one mask per day, just like undergarments. Use Code “SAFE20” for Extra 20% Off.
Also, some kids (and their families) in Ladue school, started this stl mask project: the money raised will be donated to operation food search.
I noticed some special purpose masks such as masks for running as well. Those cost a bit more than normal ones (see below), as cotton ones could easily cause sweat.
Last but not least, I think custom made or the name on mask can have some values, especially for teachers or healthcare workers. I found Etsy have some (adult personalized mask, adult custom name mask, and reusable kids mask).
(Update 07-20-2020) Found this deal on surgical masks at ebay. I ordered 300 🙂 Note I am still not big fan of one time use masks, but I plan to donate some and save some. Recently I found out I could misplace masks at home or in the car, so that’s the main use of one use masks.
Today I had a small scare at the CC lake. I was chatting with friends while keep an eye on Sophia the 5 year old. Serenity the 10 year old went paddle boarding with friend with their moms permission. I found out after the fact, and when I asked the moms (my wife and Serenity friend’s mom), who were watching them, they said “we don’t know where they are on the lake”. This made me start to worry. Our quick response is, we rent a kayak to search on the lake. We asked around, not seeing them, increasingly worried, and even thought about calling 911. At this time I asked if we can use “find my iPhone” to find the girl, because the other girl’s mom hanged the phone on Serenity’s neck. It eventually worked, and we found them not too far from where they started, and it’s near the bank too. We were relieved, and did a bit more kayak afterwards.
My lesson here is make sure Serenity has her own iPhone, and help her learn how to use. Basically the friend’s mom called the girls twice, and the girls did not pick up the phone properly (accidentally pressed the “declined” button, thus the ensuing panic). Because this time she had friend’s mom’s iPhone on her neck while she was paddling / using the roar to push forward. And we had to call her friend’s dad to run this “find my iPhone” to pinpoint the particular device. I also want to make sure we have better network: maybe Verizon or AT&T for my whole family down the road. Right now both my wife and myself have mint mobile which uses t-mobile network, and it’s considered not as good as the VZ and T.
Serenity’s mom’s thinking is we should keep an eye on them all the time, unfortunately due to the size of this lake, it’s a bit impractical.
Family photos of my grandma, my father, me, and my 2 older brothers. This was taken by my father’s friend in middle 1970s (1976?). It appears both my 2nd brother and myself did not start school yet, as we did not have the red collars on our necks: a bit like boy scouts and girl scouts here. It was in the courtyard of our family home in Xiaomeng, Ningbo, Zhejiang province. I stayed and studied in the village elementary school until the very beginning of grade 5. My grandma passed away when I was in the senior year of high school (late 1988). My mom was not in the picture because she was working. Photography was a luxury at the time as China was an impoverished nation at that time. Bicycle, sewing machine and watch were the 3 luxury items young couple like to have when they getting married at that time. Now it’s the house (apartment, which is unaffordable in Shanghai, Beijing and other major cities). I am guessing I was 5 at that time, my brothers were 7 and 9 years old. Now I am probably more than 15 years older than my father on the picture.
I think the first picture is 1976 (they are one picture, I snapped the original picture using my iPhone a few years ago when I visited my childhood home). I added another picture which is June 1961: I saw my uncle there (mom’s big brother, he passed away 2 years ago, he was 87 years old). I found that picture online (https://www.sohu.com/a/243472385_467312) when I searched for my uncle’s name and the school he was the head (Baifeng middle schoo. He was 30 years old in that picture).
My uncle / my mom’s big brother, Hu Jinyu 胡金雨, is shown in the second row (counting from left, the fourth person, I can see some resemblance with my mom / maternal grandma). He is the first head of Baifeng Middle School.
Let me tell you this story: The night before the college entrance examination, I couldn’t sleep. I might wake up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. I knew that my eldest uncle 🈶 drank wine🍷, so I opened his wine and drank a lot of it, thinking it would help me sleep, but it actually didn’t work. My grandmother knew about this because she came over to provide logistical support (cooking) for my college entrance examination, and she usually lives with my younger uncle. Later, of course, my eldest uncle found out. It’s not that he felt sorry for his wine: now I think he should be a little scared – because what if I failed the college entrance examination because of drinking? Because I have a rural household registration, my two brothers have already passed the examination to become farmers. Later, every time I went to my eldest uncle’s house, as long as other relatives were there, he would talk about my “secret drinking”.
