stlplace

Category: Life

  • Happy Thanksgiving – Minjie’s 2025 thanksgiving letter to family and friends

    Reading Time: 7 minutes

    It’s that time of the year again. The holiday season usually starts with Thanksgiving holiday here in the USA (the 4th Thursday in November, I just did a google search on that btw). And ends in the New Year. Many years ago, to be precise it’s when our older daughter attended the Hope Montessori Academy in Creve Coeur between 2013 and 2014, the directress (the boss) there Susie Shelton-Dodge always liked to say this during holiday season: hug your kids more, because it’s also usually the most stressful time of the year for everyone. This is because of the extra work related to holidays for the grownups: holiday decorations, buying gifts for everybody and so on. And I agree.

    I also looked at my blog recently and found I have written a few short ones between 2006 and 2009. I decided to go back to this old habit and also, I am doing this after seeing the great Warren Buffett wrote at least 3 thanksgiving letters in recent years (2025, 2024 and 2023). Btw, I talked a bit more about his letters here. Back to the topic.

    Thanking my family

    Keep in mind in September 2006, I was very fortunate to meet “my future better half” in Shanghai, and my life has forever changed since then – for better obviously. Anyone wants to know how I met my wife – let me save that for next year’s letter, or you can ask her now 🙂

    Hint: I highly recommend the girls from Zhejiang province, especially the girls from Jinhua 金华 (in the middle of Zhejiang Province, more about Jinhua wikipedia, britannica here 🙂 I will talk a bit more my impression on the girls and guys from Jinhua . Yes, guys from that area too – in case you are a girl and are looking for a guy 🙂

    My wife

    On that note, I want to publicly express my thanks and gratitude to my wife. Similar to Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger used to say from time to time: one wants to marry up in terms of one’s moral standards. I believe they both publicly said their wives have higher moral standards than themselves. And I am 100% sure my wife has much higher moral standards than me too. Or if I could use an example, she is a person who likes to help others but doesn’t want any public attention or acknowledgement. Some of our friends can attest to that. Or in other words she is a very generous person. Reflecting back I think that’s the first quality I noticed back in 2006 and 2007 and decided she is someone I want to 漂洋过海去看她。

    More about the song here – note the password is all lower case “tomorrow” 漂洋过海来看你, and I mentioned one of the adventurous trip I had in March 2007, STL to PVG to see my then GF/now my wife.

    My parents and extended families

    I know I probably put the order a bit backwards in the traditional Chinese terms. Because the traditional Chinese society is family oriented and they go by 辈份，I know I know. I definitely want to thank my extended family for everything I have today: they including my maternal grandma and my paternal grandma, my parents and my brothers, my uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces and all of my wife’s family especially my father-in-law. Sometimes I wish he is my dad, please don’t tell this to my dad 🙂 I was joking. I love my dad a lot too – I remember my dad and I walked on the hot Shanghai streets in summer 1989, on my way from Ningbo to Wuhan for my college HUST. Those are “my dad and I” moments.

    And I am both grateful and thankful to my wife’s mom who I never met: she passed away before I met my wife. I think from my wife, I can see how generous a person my mother-in-law was. And also the special bonding moments my two daughters and their grandma may have missed because she passed away so early. But that’s life. We win some and lose some. Sometimes the loss or the pain from the loss seems impossible for us to bear or overcome. While I am not a very religious or spiritual person, I think as long as we remember the loved ones we lost, they are in heaven now without all the suffering on the earth, and they also live in our heart. Now I recall learning about the passing of my wife’s mom is probably one of the first few questions I asked her, during our 1st blind date in September 2006. Please note this is not unusual in first dates, if people are serious. Family demography is a quite common conversation topic. Another thing I noticed is she (my wife) never looked at phone when we talked.

    You can see the old picture (1975?) of my paternal grandma, my dad, my bothers and yours truly here. And that article has a 1961 photo for my big uncle (my mom’s big brother) too. I will find a picture of my mom when she is young in my next CHN trip hopefully. Both my parents are alive and in early 80s, but their health is not great now. Btw, if you want to the article that have my family photos, you will find a funny story happened during my 1989 Gao’kao.

    My daughters

    Last but not my least, my daughters, 也就是我的两个前世情人– I didn’t realize this has some controversy per google and a movie, I can see the downside of using this term. So from now on I will just say my daughters. I talked about my daughters quite a bit here in my blog but I masked their names in quite a few (not all, due to my laziness) places to protect their privacy.

    I am exhausted, but I will soldier on

    It’s a pleasure to be your cool dad

    How to communicate with adolescent or teenagers

    Dad daughter moments

    Yes they definitely made me a better person as I learn from them everyday. Just like I learn something from my wife everyday.

    One of my life’s highlights so far, is not going to Panera Bread, or Starbucks or library and read books there with my daughters, as I imagined before I married and when I was single. They quickly outgrew that. Hanging out with dad is no longer fashionable. But I still enjoy taking them to the Target store, or other crafts or grocery stores, when they are shopping for something in the brick and mortar store. I guess I can still hang out with my wife at least 🙂 Recently I also realized the praises their school teachers put on them are usually genuine, not just 客套话，during the parent teacher conferences. Some of the comments made me very very proud. That’s why I go to those conferences. Another reason is my wife is too either shy or too busy to go. I know my daughters are very sweet, very much down to earth, and quite intelligent and hardworking kids. Again most of those attributes are inherited from their mom. And some are cultivated or shaped by their school teachers over many years.

    I know I am a bit blunt from time to time, and I talked too much sometimes, a few other times I looked at my phone too much instead of listening 🙂

    Dad Jokes

    Sometimes I joked with them. And they would truly be embarrassed if I joked with them before their friends or friends’ parents. And they would warn me: dad, you joked (talked) too much and your jokes are not even funny. I know I know. But that’s the whole purpose of dad jokes: they are not funny and they are intended to embarrass their daughters 🙂

    Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

    Wikipedia

    Recently I received a friendly reminder on this topic from a relatively new friend who is 12 years younger than me, and he is also from Jinhua area. He said: guys and girls sometimes have different perspective, guys may be more logical, girls may be more emotional or intuitive (good intuition 良好的直觉)。I guess this is similar to the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex 🙂

    Thanking my friends

    Both old and new. I will likely miss some friends here. But I hope you won’t mind.

    And one friend I only got to meet (or see) once – she is the girl I met in the train from Ningbo to Wuhan when I was in college. I talked about the story here and here and let me quote a bit: 有一次在南昌转车，好像是南昌到北京的车（经过武汉）。不光没位置，而且连站的地方都没有。火车还在株洲还是武昌附近弄了很长时间的临时停车。记得当时一个武大还是华工科英的88级的女生给削了一个苹果，印象很深。在火车上基本上不想吃东西，也不怎么喝水。Yes this girl is from Jinhua.

    And another friend who already passed away a while ago 😭: she is a friend in my SHUFE days, technically she is my 师姐，but l later learned she is actually a classmate of my wife’s sister in high school. She paid the $30 application fee for me in 1997 when I came to Rolla (now Missouri S&T).

    My old high school 高中 friends who picked me up and greeted/treated me in my June CHN trip. Later we had tea together in Beilun. We haven’t seen each other since 1989, but we 想见如故。For me it felt just like yesterday. We may have more gray hair but we are still the friends 36 years ago. We can argue about things but we won’t get into a fight 🙂

    My old middle school 初中 friends I met in Ningbo in this June.

    I am glad to meet my HUST friend in Ningbo, who I haven’t seen since 2016.

    My old friends I met in Shanghai this June: yes, including my SHUFE friends and the couple who helped connected me with my better half back in 2006. And my old alma mater HUST friends who I haven’t seen since 1993 or 1997 or 2016. I understand I cannot see all my friends in one trip. But I do fondly remember my Beijing trip 20 years ago and I met my old HUST friends. And the HUST friends I met in Shanghai in 2016. I am happy to meet all of you.

    My music teachers. I want to live a life with music. There are also couple other reasons too: to be able to play in public and show off, and also to counter or slow down the aging of my brain and hands.

    Besides that my two daughters are doing music too: percussion and violin respectively. They are better musicians than me right now. My wife also has more music talent than me too, so far at least – I am trying to catch up though. She is likely the source where my girls got their music gene from.

    My friends I only met on social media (WeChat, XHS etc.) but we do talk in good terms. Someday our roads will cross each other and we will see each other in person 🙂

    And all my teachers, classmates, colleagues and friends over the years!

    Last but not least, want to share a song with you all:

    YT 油管:【纯享】叶蒨文深情演绎金曲《祝福》感动全场！Sally姐高音太稳了！《声生不息》 Infinity and Beyond EP1丨MangoTV

    国内的朋友，可以看看 – 哔哩哔哩：美女粤语歌手何璟昕，央视现场倾情演绎吉他弹唱《祝福》。

    当然你也可以在国内各大平台上找叶倩文在湖南芒果台“声生不息”第一季或她早期的演唱 – 祝福。因为最近开始学粤语，我也很钟意（喜欢）这首歌的歌词（kkbox)。我把歌词贴在下面：

    ========

    作詞：潘偉源 作曲：梁弘志

    祝福

    徘徊叢林迎著雨 染濕風中的發端
    低訴細雨路遙若睏倦 靜靠灣灣小草倚清泉
    悠悠流泉隨路轉 偶於山中轉數圈
    一片軟軟漸黃落葉 蕩向清溪之中早飄遠
    啊～～過去 過去多少次心亂
    今天 今天隨著雲煙漸遠
    聽聽鳥語 靜望雨絲飄斷 悄悄的風贈我衷心祝福一串

    徘徊叢林迎著雨 染濕風中的發端
    低訴細雨路遙若睏倦 靜靠灣灣小草倚清泉
    悠悠流泉隨路轉 偶於山中轉數圈
    一片軟軟漸黃落葉 蕩向清溪之中早飄遠
    啊～～送你 送你祝福永不斷
    輕輕地飄 尋覓無邊路遠 借那鳥語路上細添溫暖
    拜託清風 奉上衷心 祝福千串
    啊～～送你 送你祝福永不斷
    輕輕地飄 尋覓無邊路遠 借那鳥語路上細添溫暖
    叮囑清風 奉上衷心 祝福千串
    拜託清風 奉上衷心 祝福千串

    ========

    欣赏到中文（粤语）的美了没？我猜测其他语言包括英文是有可能写出类似的意静的歌词的：但是我现在是肯定写不出来的。英语和总体文学水平都有待提高。

  • Let’s all try to be human

    Reading Time: 3 minutes

    (Update 11-14-2025) Warren Buffett Thanksgiving letter 11-10-2025 in PDF. You don’t have to be a BRK shareholder to benefit from it. He was talking about life in general, with his 95 years of life wisdom.

    (Original 11-02-2025) 在美国，如果你对别人比较友好，一般来说我们的用nice 这个词 (google nice definition, note the AI overview): e.g., she has been nice to me. She is nice.

    但是稍微再深入一下，其实我们真正想用的具体的词是considerate (google considerate definition). 或者说has empathy (恻隐之心)。Or try to put in other people’s shoes.

    巴菲特说得更简单。他说：if you are lucky in life, try make other people’s life lucky too. 心理学里这个叫reciprocal, 你对我来说nice, 我也会对你nice。巴菲特说得更广义一些。

    In my 28+ years stay in the USA, I think overall I received much more than what I gave. Simple ones such as people pushed my car during snow. Interviewer at Ingersoll in NJ saw me stuck in the conference room all day, offered to walk with me in the cafeteria so that I can stretch a bit.

    Similar is applicable in China, I recall in my college days, the travel from college (Wuhan) to home (Ning’bo) then back, during the spring festival season is always rough. I wrote a Chinese blog post on it – I pasted the relevant section below.

    ======

    有一次在南昌转车，好像是南昌到北京的车（经过武汉）。不光没位置，而且连站的地方都没有。火车还在株洲还是武昌附近弄了很长时间的临时停车。记得当时一个武大还是华工科英的88级的女生给削了一个苹果，印象很深。在火车上基本上不想吃东西，也不怎么喝水。当时火车挤到什么程度？不知道80后，90后的同学有否体会？一个厕所里站了7个人，有个女孩想用洗手间，叫里面的男生出来一下，女生背对。结果没人响应，只能再挤一节车厢。

    ======

    Once on the way back to Wuhan, the train was extremely crowded: I could barely find space for standing. And I didn’t want to eat or drink for the fear of using restroom. I recall a girl went to the bathroom, there were 7 people there again because the train is so packed. She asked for guys to turn around, so that she could use the bathroom. I also vaguely recall she went through another carriage for bathroom. For me, my best memory of all this is a girl from Zhejiang province, I believe she was from Dong’yang, and she is a college student at Wuhan University, one year senior than me, and she gave me an apple with skin peeled. She doesn’t have to do this. But she has a lot empathy to say the least. Just recently I had opportunity to help a younger friend from Dong’yang, here in STL. I told the friend this apple story.

    In Chinese, 中文讲解，不完全相同的内容，但是大意差不多，油管视频在这里。About 11 minutes long. 哔哩哔哩的链接在这里。

    How far do we go in term of help others?

    Note it’s more than 举手之劳 (jv shou zhi lao). I think in that case, we should take care of yourself 1st and say NO if applicable. But a lot of times it’s really quite simple, like things I mentioned in the video above. Giving smart. I recall 20 years ago, once I was in Shanghai, a bunch of kids (panhandlers) asked for money, being away from China for a while, I was not aware of the potential downside of giving money to one kid. Because as soon as I gave a coin to one boy, probably 5 or 6 boys also asked for money 🙁

    PS:

    I recall an Uber driving experience I had on 01-23-2025. And let me also copy/paste it here.

    =================

    A bit unusual Uber driving experiences this morning. I picked up the ride during my 1st trip. Just as I was going to pick up the passenger for this particular ride (2nd trip), the Uber platform told me the passenger doesn’t do text, via a medical (care) coordinator. I arrived the apartment, did call, text to the number given by the platform. No response. But just as I cancelled the trip, and ready to leave, I saw the passenger – an old woman with cane. She is going to the Mercy Hospital in Creve Coeur. The parking lot for the apartment is both icy and slippery, and I slipped, and almost fell. She said she was just locking her door. I said: okay I will take you. I drove her to the Mercy Hospital which I briefly worked for 18 months between 2013 and 2015. She said she didn’t eat breakfast – somehow, she reminded me of my grandma and my parents nowadays (as they are aging).

    =================

  • 你是明日意义

    你是明日意义

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    “你是明日意义”这首歌是“漂洋过海来看你”的粤语版。作曲是李宗盛，作词是陈少琪(Wikipedia)。歌词在这里。原唱是香港歌手黎姿（Wikipedia). “漂洋过海来看你”的作词也是李宗盛：下面有一段花絮。如果你只想听歌，scroll all the way to the bottom.

    漂洋过海来看你

    这首歌我估计我的同龄人绝大多数听过：当年应该是大街小巷都在放的歌。我看了一下KKBox，这首歌是1991发行的。原唱是台湾歌手娃娃 金智娟 (WaWa)。

    下面我从百度百科金智娟摘抄一点：

    ============

    1990年，金智娟与一位北京的舞蹈老师一见钟情，当时台湾到北京还没有直航，因此为了看他，金智娟从台湾辗转飞到香港再到北京，每当朋友问金智娟北京的样貌时她都说不知道，因为她每次去北京都只去她男朋友的卧室。李宗盛在听到金智娟的这段故事后，便决定开始创作这首歌。当时李宗盛在吃牛肉面，桌上垫了张餐巾纸，翻过来便开始创作歌词，花费了15分钟便创作好了歌词部分。

    ============

    百度百科李宗盛 上有类似的故事。我今天才发现同样一首歌，不同的歌手有不同的百度百科网页。

    我的读者们：你有没有“漂洋过海来看你（去看她/他)“的经历呢？😂

    我就有。比如说 – 这里是故事的英文版2007年三月初这一次美联航芝加哥途经北京到上海；中文版在这里。途经北京的原因是因为那天圣村下大雪，飞机航班延误，我到了芝加哥从芝加哥飞上海的航班已经起飞。我就恳求机场和飞北京航班的工作人员让我在北京转一次，芝加哥直飞北京，再坐国航航班到上海虹桥机场。国航和美联航是合作伙伴。我应该告诉她们我是到上海 see my girl friend (who is my wife now). 她们最后开了恩：重新打开机舱，放我进去。

    我刚才还注意到一个比较碰巧的事情（coincident ）：那就是我们的大女儿是这一篇07年3月博客的整三年后出生。

    油管：娃娃(金智娟) WaWa【飄洋過海來看你】Official Music Video；劉明湘 Rose Liu 版本

    苹果音乐 (潘越雲& 彭佳慧)

    Spotify (Rose Liu)

    有点意思的是，我印象中，刘明湘大概是美籍华人里面，唯一有点名气的华语歌手了。最近我突然注意到马拉西亚华人里面有不少好的华语歌手，包括写歌谱曲很厉害的人：比如说戴佩妮，光良，梁静茹，李幸倪。感觉中文的文化传承方面，在美国的华人可以好好学学马拉西亚华人。

    你是明日意义

    我感觉这是一首比较小众的歌，但是同时我个人感觉很好听。我最早是听Ayen何璟昕翻唱的。我在国内淘宝网上让朋友买了她的翻唱U盘: it works on my Toyota Camry 2020, and I can listen to it via my iPod Nano I bought in Nov 2012, and this swimming headset。

    我记得在我读大学的时候黎姿至少是小有名气的。好像是她后来有不少变故，没有继续唱歌。I did notice on her Wikipedia page, she had a rough time growing up.

    黎姿-Wikipedia page-感情生活

    It appears to me 感情生活 section is a bit long? 😭

    This is very unfortunate. Ideally we don’t want overly complicated love life, I am saying it from my personal experience and observations. And as a dad.

    如果是更有名的歌手比如说林忆莲来原唱这一首歌，这首歌会不会更火一些呢？I don’t know.

    我后来又想了一下：一般来说国粤双语的歌会有一首更流行。漂洋过海来看你应该是先发行的，一般来说先发行的话有先入为主，或英文叫first mover advantage. 第二个原因是国语版词作者李宗盛比粤语版词作者陈少琪更有名。一个类似的例子是齐秦的外面的世界和黄凯芹唱的粤语版青葱岁月（我也是今年才听到）。

    但是我知道有粤语版跟国语版都很流行的例子，比如说王菲 – 愛與痛的邊緣 （有多少愛可以重來 粵語版） Acoustic cover｜粵語歌吉他彈唱｜Ayen何璟昕, 王菲 Faye Wong 愛與痛的邊緣, 和迪克牛仔 – 有多少愛可以重來 (Official Video)。(Update 12-9-2025) 洋澜一 ～ 有多少爱可以重来 2023 08 16 (she sang the mandarin version 1st, then followed by the cantonese version)

    Also 人生何处不相逢 + 最真的梦 ｜国粤双语 Acoustic Cover (link is from YT Shorts). A longer version from Ayen via Bilibili is here. 人生何处不相逢原唱是陈慧娴(Bilibili 链接)；最真的梦的原唱是周华健。

    还有，在今年之前总的来说我粤语歌听的比较少，因为粤语对我来说基本上是外语。大概半年多前我开始在多邻果上学粤语，我估计我现在粤语可以听懂25%左右。一个有点好玩的事：最近我听陈慧娴原唱的跳舞街，旋律有点耳熟，但是我听不出歌词和歌名。我问了Shazam(这边可以猜歌名的App), Shazam也不行，但是谷歌(Google) app 帮我认出来了。

    我在苹果音乐没有找到黎姿唱的“你是明日意义“的版本。我只看到一个叫粤语小林哥男生版：我个人还是比较喜欢女生版。Sorry 小林哥，no offense 😂

    但是油管上有黎姿唱的版本，哔哩哔哩上有据说是从油管搬运过来的视频。

    我刚才突然想到，这歌如果学会了可以唱给我的孩子们听（this is a BIG IF though)。我知道一是我不会唱，她们现在听粤语应该是不可能的。但是语言这东西，越小的时候学，就越容易。前几天跟我读高二的大女儿在车上聊，她说读写方面，她的西班牙语已强于汉语。现在她的汉语听说比西班牙语还是好一点。有时候在商店里她会故意跟我讲汉语而不是英语，这样一般人就听不懂我们的话😂

  • Step out of comfort zone

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    Sara Blakely intentionally embarrass self: this reminds me of I may want to do this to my kids occasionally. Both my kids are quite shy now.

    an image of Sara Blakely LinkedIn Post

    Public Appearance on Internet, and social media in general

    Something related to this, partially due to pandemic, we are seeing the booming of live broadcasting on social media, such as TikTok, Douyin or Youtube.

    Something interesting, or obervations from Jamie Zhong, she said on DY, people usually come to listen to her songs, while at WeChat, some people come to listen to her talk. I guess it goes both ways, for people who are freelancers, or no longer go to office, there are very little real human to human interactions nowadays, and broadcasting gives a meaningful way for people to interact, or talk.

    Also 在M记等一个不会来的人 and I am quoting the album description below (it’s written by Ayen何璟昕, btw）。


    深夜的M记霓虹灯管下，漂浮着无数个都市失踪者的剪影。我们恍然惊觉，在这个24小时营业的现代驿站里，等待早已成为一场集体无意识的自我放逐。

    那些被手机蓝光反复切割的夜晚，充电线维持着岌岌可危的情感电量，续杯咖啡在玻璃窗上拓印出无数个昨日倒影。歌词中”失踪的人”是极具现代性的精神切片——当约克郡的雾气被替换成快餐店冷气，当承诺像汽水泡沫般迅速消散，在第七次擦拭手机屏幕时突然顿悟：原来被等待的幽灵正是自己出走的那部分灵魂。这份荒诞的清醒，让”辞职信在口袋里融化”的意象成为当代人精神困局的绝佳隐喻。

    不断坍缩的”No one’s coming”像反复撕开的伤口。”咬住吸管练习不颤抖的呼吸”的细节，暴露出当代情感关系中荒诞的仪式感——我们甚至在练习如何得体地吞咽孤独。当晨光擦亮沾着番茄酱的餐盘，结账的不仅是某个具体的失落夜晚，更是整个速食时代的情感困境：在即时满足的消费主义幻境里，我们终究无法购买到隽永的慰藉。

    这首歌以M记的塑料座椅为解剖台，剖开了现代人最隐秘的生存状态：在永远明亮的快餐店里，我们都是被自己遗弃在自动点餐机前的失踪人口，对抗着整个世界的恍惚。

    Last but not least, step out my own comfort zone

    I did Toast Master in 1998. I led Math Fact Scholars between 2019 and 2023 (including a break during pandemic), Spode Passport Night (twice), taught at Webster University for a year, St. Louis high schools catalyst program (once). Presented at work including when work as graduate research assistant (since 1998 ).

    Fraternity (1998 to 1999): main goal was to learn English

    Most recently I drove for Uber (288 trips total in about a year).

  • Happiness or sadness in life

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    (Always working in progress…)

    (Update 11-04-2025) What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness | Robert Waldinger | TED

    (Original) 人生不如意十之八久下一句 (可与人言无二三): it seems to me it’s overly pessimistic? I don’t know.

    Also, self-pity 自怜（自恋）is not good (Charlie Munger)

    但开心和不开心都是人生常态[萌萌哒R] (Quoting a friend, do you want to know who is that friend 🙂

    1. 是的。但是我想我们很多时候还是希望有亲人朋友可以倾述自己心里真实的感受：I understand it’s a luxury a lot of times.

    2. 我觉得你说的很对/ spot on (or hit the nail on the head). For me I still work on it: setting realistic or low expectations for other people; hang out with my tribe (friends who can tolerate me 🙂

    Harvard happiness professor Arthur Brooks

    人生真正的快樂是什麼？大多數人都理解錯了… ► 聽聽哈佛教授怎麼說 – Dr. Arthur Brooks 阿瑟·布魯克斯（中英字幕）

    哈佛教授：這才是人生真正快樂的3大要素 ► 少了其中一項，你這輩子就不會真正的快樂 – Dr. Arthur Brooks 亞瑟．布魯克斯（中英字幕）

    Harvard Professor reveals the Science of Happiness in 15 minutes | Arthur Brooks [ARC 2025] (btw, what is faith according to Google; also, is Arthur Brooks conservative, scroll down a bit and you will see Google AI overview 🙂

    Btw, I also googled “how creditable is arthur brooks on happiness”. I pasted the Google AI Overview below.

    ======

    Arthur Brooks is highly credible on happiness, drawing on his background as a Harvard professor, bestselling author, and columnist for The Atlantic, combining scientific understanding with practical advice to offer a widely-read framework for a more meaningful and joyful life. His work, which defines happiness as enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning, is backed by his position at the Harvard Kennedy School and his extensive writing on the topic. Why He’s Credible

    • Academic Authority: He teaches a course on “Leadership and Happiness” at Harvard Business School and is a faculty member at the Harvard Kennedy School.
    • Bestselling Author: His book, From Strength to Strength, was a New York Times bestseller, demonstrating broad appeal and resonance.
    • Influential Communicator: He reaches over a million readers weekly with his column “How to Build a Life” in The Atlantic.
    • Science-Based Approach: He integrates scientific understanding of happiness, exploring how the brain processes emotions and how to build a meaningful life. 

    Key Aspects of His Work

    • Happiness Equation: Brooks posits that happiness is built on three components: enjoyment, meaning, and satisfaction.
    • Beyond Pleasure: He emphasizes that enjoyment is not the same as pleasure; the relentless pursuit of pleasure can be detrimental to a fulfilling life.
    • Practical Frameworks: He provides actionable advice, such as managing emotional states, changing perspectives, and finding meaning in struggle.
    • Meaning in Life: Brooks stresses the importance of finding a clear purpose to avoid distractions and frittering away time. 

    In Summary
    Brooks’s credibility stems from his significant academic roles, successful publications, and commitment to presenting happiness as a skill that can be developed through understanding science and applying actionable strategies. 

    ======

    My own happiness index over the years?

  • Another way to look at the blogging and social media

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    My initial intention is (初衷是) write for self. In rare cases, my kids or my wife may read them, listen to them or watch them some day.

    But I think a lot of times I was pursuing views or potentially monetizations.

    Similar to the thing I mentioned in the earlier blog post 你曾是少年。

    Lesson for myself: always ask myself, what’s my initial intention? For example: do I really want to be an influencer?

    Also: 为什么没人真想听你说话？亚当·斯密揭开人际关系里最残酷的真相

  • Chicken soup for hump day

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    Every school should have this.

    The Boy and the Glass of Milk – A True Story of Kindness Coming Full Circle:

    Many years ago, a poor boy went from door to door selling small goods to pay his school fees. One day, he was so hungry and broke that he decided to ask for some food at the next house.
    But when a kind young woman opened the door, his courage failed. Instead of asking for food, he quietly said,
    “Could I please have a glass of water?”
    The woman looked at him and saw the tired, hungry boy. Instead of water, she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, savoring every sip.
    When he finished, he asked softly,
    “How much do I owe you, ma’am?”
    She smiled and said,
    “You don’t owe me anything. My mother taught me never to ask for payment for kindness.”
    The boy thanked her from the bottom of his heart and left that house feeling stronger—not just in body, but in spirit.
    Years passed. The woman became seriously ill. Local doctors couldn’t help, and she was sent to a big city hospital. A specialist was called in to examine her. When he heard the name of the town she was from, something flickered in his eyes.
    He went to her room, recognized her instantly, and from that day gave her the best care possible.
    After weeks of treatment, she was finally cured. When the bill arrived, she feared it would take the rest of her life to pay. But when she opened the envelope, she found this note written across the bill:
    🩵 “Paid in full—with one glass of milk.”
    — Dr. Howard Kelly
    That day she learned — goodness never goes unrewarded.
    Kindness travels in circles, and it always finds its way back—sometimes when we need it most.

  • Mid-Autumn Festival – 36 years ago

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    I left my childhood home and my parents many years ago for the boarding middle school. And I barely recall that I was home for the mid-autumn festival celebration in those middle school (high school) years. Then I left for college. And the college was a bit far away from my hometown.

    About 36 years ago, the mid-autumn festival party organized by the HUST 浙江同乡会 left me impression. Because in 1989, it was the first year I was in HUST (Wuhan) and far away from home Ning’bo, and not to mention I really missed home. I believe many HUST friends who are from Zhejiang province missed home too. I recall the hostess (the girl who is toast master) is a Shi’jie from Zhenhai middle school, and her last name is Su. Sorry I forgot her 1st name now. 她说了一句话让我现在还记得：我们来自于吴山青，越水秀 (google search) 的故乡浙江省。

    这个中秋节，来自于广东的唱作人何璟昕(我这里有关于她的介绍，博文1 和博文2；维基上的关于她的介绍在这里）的新歌 明月高高挂天上（网易云音乐，QQ音乐，油管视频，油管音乐，bilibili, 苹果音乐，Spotify) 也让我想到中秋节的意义。

  • An interesting story and dads’ feelings

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    When their daughter(s) finds someone she loves. I think the right word probably is “mixed emotions”. No, I am not implying anything and our older daughter who is 15 and hasn’t dating someone yet – good to me for now :-).

    I also have a friend who strictly forbids her daughters dating even in college. She told me about this rule; they are from India btw. My view is less strict: personally, I feel it’s okay to date in college because I did, and it didn’t turn out to be a disaster (I was lucky in many ways I think :-). But date in the high school is probably too early. This is also considering their schoolwork in the HS, which is a lot in my opinion.

    A bit over 10 years ago, before our younger daughter was born some of my colleagues did a baby shower, one of my American colleagues commented: you need to watch out all the guys now you are having a daughter 🙂

    In July 26 this summer, I happened to be a similar boat like this. I was going to drop off the girl who is from China (she is 16 years old), and attended the summer camp here at WUSTL, to the STL airport. The time was a bit tight for me, because after dropping her off, I need to come home and drive my older daughter to the Community Music School in Webster University at Webster Groves. So, I arrived at the girl’s place early so that I could have some breath room just in case. I told them about my plan. But the girl would not come out at 8 am, and I was a bit upset, because it could take 15 to 20 minutes to drive from WUSTL to the STL, and I also need to go inside the airport to make sure her can check in luggage and get boarding pass and so on. So, I said in the WeChat group chat to hurry up. And after probably 15 or 20 minutes, the girl came out, with a boy and it’s quite obvious the boy is her (likely new) boyfriend. Then I felt pretty bad.

    And also, I was thinking what would I feel if I saw my older daughter in this kind of situation? Keep in mind I never saw that girl before, and I had to guess whenever someone comes out from that building. But her dress reminds me of my daughter. Btw, I talked about the teen girls dress trend here, from my observations, scroll to “What to wear for girl nowdays???“.

    Anyway, I did have a small opportunity to make up my dumb (and being rude) mistake. The girl’s luggage is over the weight limit by 6 pounds, and I paid the $100 luggage fees right away. I was not late for my older daughter’s thing either: here is some of the percussion that the students at CMS did in the past school year (YT) including the summer. Can you guess which one is my older daughter? Hint: she was in the way back and she didn’t have a lot of time on the screen.

    PS: you may like my other post here Dad daughter moments. As you may be able to predict or perceive, not all moments are happy or light moments though – something I didn’t anticipate or intentionally ignoring before we have our kids. Some moments are quite hard or difficult, honestly speaking.

    PS2 (10-24-2025): I wrote more re: “Father’s love, or elder generations love towards the kids” here.

  • Exercises, music, work and sleep

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    I talked about my recent exercise trend here. But I think I need to focus on my sleep a bit more, as in recent years, due to various reasons, I didn’t get the necessary sleep and that is taking a toll on my health.

    As I reflect back, in addition to aging, work at MC is one culprit of my deteriorating sleeping quality. I talked about my on call experience of that employer (in Chinese) here.

    Fortunately both my last job and my current job are less demanding, and less stressful. But I am getting older too 🙁

    Recently I started to listen to music during sleep. That alone may not be the best solution for “not being able to fall into asleep”. But I am fine tune it, as well as adjusting so that I don’t listen to my iPod Nano (I talked about it here and here), or a new MP3 player I bought the whole time.

    Also, back to exercise, I think in addition to swim or walking, I am going to focus a bit more on meditation, such as breath on Apple Watch or Yoga via YT (see my YT Yoga playlist).

    PS:

    I got to see my uncle (my mom’s little big brother, who is 89 years old) this summer. He commented on the sleep problem we have. He said, not exact words, but why we are worrying about things in the night? His point was we probably had too much stress from our day job (which is probably true). Back to the time when he was young, he probably doesn’t have the material things we have now, but he is much happier. Probably one reason he lives to 89 🙂

    (Update 10-17-2025) I just came across this at FB “What is Success? Success is being able to go to bed each night with your Mind at Peace.”

    PS 2:

    To my fellow HS students’ parents especially parents of student athletes: now we have this AI thing – let AI do the work and let our kids and all of us have some more sleep 😴 (not my words, coach and my uncle’s words – they are wiser than me. Okay I added this AI thing for dramatic effect [捂脸]). Btw, tonight is the blue and white night at #LHWHS and if you have time (no impacting on your or your kids sleep schedule): the girls powder puff flag football game is fun to watch. #homecoming #powderPuff

    PS 3:

    年近退休睡觉不爽， 有招了

    I did one thing similar: something I mostly figured out my own, with some inputs from friend(s). I listened to Cantonese music (slow music, more like lullabies). Do you want to guess which musicians (singers) I listened to most often? Btw, I mostly use my 13-year-old iPod Nano (as shown here). Because it doesn’t have the fancy stuff on my iPhone and won’t pull me into the blackhole of “doom scrolling”.

    I think in theory at least, a podcast or a book would do the similar trick. I mostly just listened to one song non-stop (loop) – a side benefit is it saves the battery of iPod Nano.

    (Update 12-9-2025) Your Body Ages Rapidly In Your 40s And 60s. Doctors Say These Habits Will Help Slow It Down (Women’s Health via Yahoo.com)