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I mentioned my maternal grandma here in one of my earlier blog post (My own teenage years section; technically I think I go to my grandma and my uncle’s house more often when I was in the elementary school 小学 and a bit middle school 初中). Let me quote a bit below:
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because one of my favorite times of the summer is going to my uncle/grandma’s home, and they spoil me 🙂 I would write a piece on my maternal grandma sometime soon – Mothers’ Day is coming up, she probably has a lot influence on my uncles (my mom’s elder brothers) and my mom.
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My grandma, my uncle and their home
Background: my maternal grandma 外婆 lives with my uncle 小舅, at a village probably 6 or 7 miles from my childhood home. 6 or 7 miles is the walking distance, yes we walked quite a bit when we were little. There were buses, but it’s probably once or twice a day when I was in grade school. Now I recall once I did take the bus, at the bus stop I said I was thirsty – it’s too far for my grandma to go back her home and get water, and she rushed to a relative’s house (technically the homeowner is my mom’s aunt) and get the water. This left me impression as from time to time I take my kids to somewhere, and I usually bring some water in the car – in case whenever they say they are thirsty – I am ready.
My uncle is my mom’s big brother, and he is about 7 years older than my mom, he is the middle child. Both my mom and my uncle’s big brother, my big uncle 大舅 (you can see an old photo of him here, it was taken in June 1961). He is about 6 years older than my 小舅, and 13 years older than my mom.
Summer time fun time
When I was in grade school (elementary school), I like going to my 外婆’s home in the summer, and I would stay there for a few weeks. My uncle has 2 daughters, and they are my cousins: one has same age as me, and another one is about 7 years younger than me. I remember once, I was watching my younger cousin. She was sitting on the table, and something fell and I tried to pick up that thing, and then she fell down from the table to the floor, it was concrete floor and I had a scare 🙁 I think I was probably 9 and she was probably 2 years old.
My grandma worried that I would be bored when I was there, because my cousins are girls and at that age, boys and girls start playing different things. And she bought me the 军棋 Chinese military chess (luzhanqi)。That 军棋 is not high quality, and I noticed some pieces have distinct marks and when I played with other kids, I sort of cheated because I knew the important chess pieces. Once an older boy got made at me because of that, and he would not play with me on this board game again. I recall once we (the boy I just mentioned and I), caught dozens to 100s of cicadas in the field, we just want to play – not intend to eat them.
Another time, I broke a neighbor’s mirror, because I was frustrated when an older girl was playing sort of hide and seek. I could not find her, and smashed a small mirror on the table (my bad). My grandma immediately bought a new mirror to compensate them.
裸奔 Running naked
Another time, my grandma probably thinks I was still a little kid when I was probably 9 years old, she stripped me naked, asked me wash myself in the pond, and then tell me run home to get clean clothes. I did run fast 🙂
Somewhat off topic, playing with words here, live in the USA without health insurance is like 裸奔 Running naked. I suggest people who live in the US buy necessary insurances. Of course, for truly rich people, like Charlie Munger, they can insure themselves.
B-day treats etc.
In some years because my b-day in the middle of the summer, I would spend my b-day at my grandma’s home. She usually would cook me 2 eggs – this is standard treats for kids’ birthday at that time in my area. We didn’t have cake then. But she would also save some snacks or treats over the time, and share with me during my visit.
I was a slower eater and once my uncle wondered why I ate slow – he wanted to make sure he served the right food. At that time obviously we are all fairly poor. But once my uncle bought some seafood and meat, and to see if I would still eat slow as usually. I did still eat slow. That made him feel better – because he didn’t want to leave an impression that he didn’t feed me properly 🙂
Gaokao
As I get older, I was not too crazy to go to my uncle/grandma’s home. But I did go to my big uncle (my mom’s big brother)’s home for Gaokao aka college entrance exam. I stayed at my big uncle’s place during those 3 nights and a few nights before Gao’kao. I was so nervous the night before, and could not fall asleep. So I went ahead and opened my uncle’s wine bottle and drunk some. There was no minimum or legal drinking age in China then (not sure now), but I don’t think drinking wine helped much in terms of sleep 🙂 But my uncle would tell this incident/story for a very long time with family and friends, probably until 10 years ago (and I was in early 40s). I forgot to mention this is probably one of the last times I saw my grandma. I did go see her before going off to college. But she passed away unexpected (due to a fall, an accident), in January 1990, when I was finishing up my 1st semester in HUST. I think she could live at least a few more years if not for the freaking accident.
Two grandamas
The winter of 1988/1989, shortly after my paternal grandma passed away. My maternal grandma came to our home and stayed for a month (this duration was my guess). She never stops working when she is in our house, from cooking to sewing. When my paternal grandma was alive, I do recall a few times they have some tensions. I think it’s understandable from “一山不容二虎“ perspective.
(Update 06-08-2025) My mom who has dementia now said she wants us to hang the mosquitoes net 蚊帐，and my paternal grandmother was pleasantly surprised by my maternal grandmother’s skill washing the mosquito net 奶奶夸奖外婆洗蚊帐
Spring festival
Another common time I saw my grandma is during Chinese new year (lunar new year), or Spring Festival. We will stay a few days at my uncle/grandma’s house. And the main job for us is eat 🙂 She would be worried we would be hungry, probably something from her life experience.
I do remember the last Spring Festival she spent with us, it was the Spring Festival of year 1989, my paternal grandma passed away couple months ago. I recall my big brother’s then girlfriend came to our home. And I think probably there was small quarrel between my bro and his girlfriend. My grandma tried very hard to comfort the girl, used her Ningbo dialect. While I wasn’t sure how much words she got across, I thought the girl probably realized my grandma is a very caring person and a wonderful grandma.
Her own life experience
My grandma lost her husband, when she was probably 30 years old, and when my mom was still an infant. Back in those days, I would think it’s probably vary hard for her to raise 3 kids alone. But she managed to overcome this. My big uncle quit the school and started teaching right away. I think she loves her kids very much, at the same time, she is fairly strict on certain things.
When we (my 2 brothers and I) got into some trouble when we blindly follow other people and didn’t think. My mom would say: other people would eat the shxx, are you going to eat shxx too? Nowadays I think that’ probably originated from my grandma.
On personal level, she cannot read or write. But again she has so much wisdom. I have seen her foot which doesn’t look formal because of the foot binding practice. On the other hand, I recall my paternal grandma’s foot is more normal. I am guessing the difference probably lies with how strict their moms’ did re: foot binding.
Coming Sunday will be this year’s Mother’s Day. I know I cannot write about my grandma in one blog post, but I just want to try and dedicate this to her.
I will probably write my paternal grandma 奶奶 next.
Below is Chinese translation done by google translate: 下面的中文名翻译是主要是用谷歌翻译的。请注意：有时候我改了上面的英文版，但没有改下面的中文翻译。
我在这里(我的另外一篇博客）提到了我的外婆。下面我摘录一段：
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因为夏天我最喜欢的时光之一就是去我叔叔/奶奶家，他们宠我 🙂 我很快就会写一篇关于我外婆的文章——母亲节快到了，她可能对我的舅舅们（我妈妈的哥哥们）和我妈妈影响很大。
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我的外婆、我的舅舅和他们的家
背景：我的外婆和我的小舅住在离我童年住处大概六七英里的一个村子里。六七英里是步行距离，是的，我们小时候经常走路。虽然有公交车，但我上小学的时候大概一天只有一两次。现在回想起有一次坐公交车，在站台上我说我渴了——我奶奶回家打水太远了，她就赶紧跑到一个亲戚家（严格来说是我妈妈的姑姑）打水。这给我留下了深刻的印象，因为我偶尔带孩子们出去玩，车里总会带些水——万一他们说渴了，我就随时准备着。
我小舅是我妈妈的哥哥，他比我妈妈大7岁左右，排行老二。我妈妈和我小舅的哥哥，我的大舅（你可以在这里看到他的一张老照片，拍于1961年6月）。他比我小舅大6岁左右，比我妈妈大13岁。
暑假欢乐时光
我上小学的时候，暑假喜欢去外婆家，一住就是几个星期。我叔叔有两个女儿，她们是我的表妹：一个和我同龄，另一个比我小7岁左右。我记得有一次，我正看着我的表妹玩耍。她坐在桌子上，突然有东西掉了下来，我试图捡起那个东西，结果她从桌子上摔到了地上，摔在了水泥地上，我吓了一跳🙁 当时我大概9岁，她大概2岁。
我外婆担心我在那里会觉得无聊，因为我的表妹都是女孩，到了那个年纪，男孩和女孩开始玩不同的东西了。她还给我买了军棋。那军棋质量不高，我注意到有些棋子棋纹很清晰，所以和其他孩子玩的时候，我有点作弊，因为我知道哪些棋子很重要。有一次，一个大一点的男孩因为这个跟我生气，从此以后他就再也不跟我玩这个棋盘游戏了。我记得有一次，我们（我和刚才提到的那个男孩）在田野里抓了几十到几百只蝉，我们只是想玩，而不是想吃掉它们。
还有一次，我打碎了邻居家的镜子，因为一个大女孩在玩捉迷藏，我很生气。我找不到她，就把桌子上的一面小镜子砸碎了（我的错）。我外婆立刻买了一面新镜子来补偿他们。
还有一次，我外婆大概以为我还是个小孩子，大概九岁的时候，她脱光了我的衣服，让我跑回家——在池塘里洗完澡之后。我跑得确实很快 🙂
高考
随着年龄的增长，我并没有疯狂到不去叔叔/外婆家。但我确实去了我大舅（我妈妈的哥哥）家参加高考。高考前三天晚上和前几天晚上，我都住在我大舅家。前一天晚上我非常紧张，睡不着觉。所以我打开了我叔叔的酒瓶，喝了一些。当时中国没有最低或法定饮酒年龄（现在不确定），但我认为喝酒对睡眠没什么帮助 🙂 但我大舅会和家人朋友长时间地讲述这件事/故事，大概直到10年前（那时我40出头）。我忘了说，这可能是我最后一次见到外婆了。上大学前我确实去看过她。但她意外去世了（摔了一跤，一场意外），1990年1月，当时我正准备结束在华中科技大学的第一个学期。如果不是那场该死的意外，我想她至少还能活几年。
奶奶和外婆
1988/1989年的冬天，我奶奶去世后不久。我外婆来我们家住了一个月（我估计是这个时间）。她在家的时候，从做饭到缝纫，从不间断。我记得奶奶在世的时候，他们之间确实有过几次关系紧张。从“一山不容二虎”的角度来看，我觉得这是可以理解的。
春节
我经常见到外婆的另一个时间是农历新年，也就是春节。我们会在我小舅/外婆家住几天。我们的主要工作就是吃饭🙂 她会担心我们饿，这可能是她人生经历的原因。
