This is the last night before leaving mainland CHN for this trip, I am listening to 浙江之声 (浙江之声 via 蜻蜓FM) this time (last year march 2023 it was Love Radio 103.7 FM in Shanghai). I could not fall into sleep 💤. I am going to listening to it more via 蜻蜓FM once I get back to my current home by the Mississippi River.
In last few years as my time spent in the US gradually approaching and exceeding my time lived in China, I almost treat STL as my home. But now I realized childhood home (hometown) has a special place in my heart. Probably for many other people too – especially for those left their hometown after college. For me it’s a bit more – I left the country I grew up.
One usually remember mom’s (or dad’s, or other guardian’s) favorite cooking. I remember my mom’s cooking as well as my uncle (my mom’s brother)’s cooking too.
Something came to my mind this morning when I was at a group exercise class at the J. Why mothers are always special. I think most people will say mom reminds them of the hometown. On the opposite, when people start to curse at each other, there is a very common one, son of the bit*h: in Chinese *子养的，why? Because I think by talking down the other person’s mom, deep in mind, the aggressor probably get a sense of the other person is not worthy. I think those are also likely the rationale behind:
(I borrowed this paragraph from a high school classmate in mailand CHN) 我来说几句吧，不妥之处请大家指正：1. 一定要有医保，有能力的可以适当配点商业保险 2. 同学们都巳年过半百了，各种慢性病会慢慢出来，应该学习一点医学常识。个人建议关注以下几个（微信）公众号： 丁香医生/ 菠萝因子/ 营养师顾中一
Below is my own cooking
Exercise 锻炼身体：running, jogging, and walking 跑步，慢跑，走路 are all good. Many other good cardiovascular exercise 心血管运动 include cycling, swimming, and tennis. Take your pick. 饭后百步走，活到九十九。Aerobic exercise 柔韧性锻炼也不错，如瑜伽，普拉提等。跑步前后注意拉伸。
至少要有大病保险；buy health insurance, as a minimum one should have the catastrophe health insurance: meaning the insurance that covers conditions such as cancer. This is needed for most people; I mean the people who doesn’t have 100 million dollars or more – who, btw, may be able to self-insure. Even in that case, one should find an administrator (basically a company that acts as middleman between you and the providers).
Colon cancer screen
聆听自己身体的声音，每年体检，看情况做一个肠镜；see your doctor and get the colonoscopy every 5 or 10 years. Below is example of people who got colon cancer and found out late.
We are no longer in our 20s or 30s, this includes everything from drink, driving to eating. Pay attention to what we drink or eat. I found out I can no longer drive the mountain roads as confident as before – which is okay. I just need to be careful and mindful. If I cannot do it, I don’t do it.
(05-26-2024) I went ahead and decided to get the vaccine at local Walgreens. Today 05-27-2024 I felt a bit drowsy, tired and a touch of fever (I googled the shingle vaccine side effect too). Note this is not as bad as the Moderna Covid-9 vaccine I took about 3 years ago. (05-27-2024 evening) I jumped to conclusion too quickly, it ooks like my fever is not trivial (about 101F). More on side effects on CDC website.
Also, note the vaccine is 2 shots, and I will likely get the 2nd shot 2 months from today.
More information on shingles (Mayo Clinic); 带状疱疹 (妙佑医疗)
(Update 10-21-2024) I did 2nd shot yesterday afternoon. Today I felt not well again. Some fever etc. Hope I can recover tomorrow. The nurse at Walgreens did mention the side effect after 2nd shot is usually worse than the 1st shot.
Will:
Make a will. If kids are old enough, involve them in the process (learned this from Warren Buffett).
不折腾或少折腾 包括工作不要太拼(don’t work long hours without break, and do it for a long duration)。
PS: many of the things mentioned above are important when one is young too. But better late than never.
在2019年之前，我大概有二十年没有割草了。从1998年一月到1999年七月，我住在罗拉的美国大学生的兄弟会(Wikipedia fraternity; interestingly I joined the Delta Tau Delta fraternity (Epsilon Nu chapter) which is shown in the image when you do google search). 我在兄弟会的时候割过几次草。兄弟会有duty, 翻译成中文大概是值日值班的意思，我的任务里有不少是洗碗，偶尔也有割草。兄弟会是汽油的传统割草机：会有汽油的味道。印象最深的一次是大概是98年的夏天，兄弟会后面有较大的草地，我们一开始没有割草，后来发现有（不太友好的）邻居把我们举报了。马路对面的美国邻居是较友好的，我印像中他叫Bob May, 他告诉我们这个事。后来我们兄弟会有能力的美国小兄弟，去租了一个可以坐上去的割草机，把后面的草给割了。
Google search fraternity screenshot (partial)：这个正好是我的兄弟会 Delta Tau Delta Epsilon Nu
我想对年轻人来说，这个基本上是适用的。比如说前几年流行的创业，我们年轻时（大学毕业时，九十年代初）去南方，广东，深圳等。With some exceptions, of course. The main thing is we all need to listen to our body – doesn’t matter whether one is young or old.
Andrew McAuley (Wikipedia, Twitter/X): quote wikipedia – Andrew McAuley (born 7 August 1968; presumed dead 9–12 February 2007) was an Australian mountaineer and sea kayaker. He is presumed to have died following his disappearance at sea while attempting to kayak 1600 km (994 mi) across the Tasman Sea from Australia to New Zealand in February 2007.
其实很重要。我记得，大概二十年之前，因为我的个人工作生活不是太顺，我想过要不要去读一个 Master of Financial Engineering, 然后跟我在罗拉时的师弟那样，去华尔街做几年。我好像当时申请了纽约的哥伦比亚大学。她家没要我。某种程度上，我觉得是庆幸的。
(05-19-2024) Now I think about it, both (late) Charlie Munger and Warren Buffett stayed in their respective houses for many decades. Once Charlie joked, if people offered money to move across the street, he would not do it (the context is a question came up re: some rich people in California moved to Texas to avoid high tax).
Last but not least, I like to share something I heard – “We don’t know if we will die from overworking but why take chance” – probably said by Ronald Reagan (per Charlie Munger or Warren Buffett). Btw, I ran at Olivette this beautiful Sunday morning.
Dealing with my 14 y old: the new retainer got lost in a week. See: I was smart that I bought the “retainer insurance” 🙂 If the opportunity arises, I would buy the “iPhone insurance” too (remember why I bought iPhone 15 : long story short, she accidentally broke her iPhone XR (which was passed on from me), and I decided to buy iPhone 15 so that I can give my iPhone 12 to her.
And before that, she lost her wallet at the J (due to theft).
So we have 2 accidents and one theft (in which she is victim, but still as my wife says, you don’t want to be careless so that the thief would notice you 🙂
Why, why, why is her so sloppy in terms of keep track of her things?
I can think of one reason, which is coming back right to us – we babied her too much, reminded her consistently (sometimes a bit excessive), which made her rely on our reminders to some extent. This is definitely not healthy. Here is one article on the topic – How to get your kid to do stuff without having to constantly remind them
Another reason is probably because there is no real consequences for her on those kinds of things. Imagine if I “broke something like iPhone”, there is no iPhone then, let’s just say that I lost a radio, or a cassette player (a Walkman). It won’t be trivial let me guarantee that. Even if my parents didn’t say anything: I would feel bad. In college now I recall I did have a few accidents: including once someone broke my drawer and stole my money there – remember the loss from theft story I talked above. Even today I still suspected someone in my dorm room or someone has the connection stole my money (they probably knew I received money shortly before that). Once in a bus in Wu’chang, I realized my wallet got stolen by a pocket picker.
I guess that’s one hard part of parenting. But I think I would still trade “being my daughters’ Uber driver” any day (see the paragraph below), over true retirement which means I probably need to find something productive to do if I am still healthy.
昨天基本上就是半退的状态-我告诉我老大我大概为她的事跑了两个半小时-为她的retainer开车到new and cool St. Peter’s orthodontist 🦷 office 两次（2 round trips, drop off mold 1st, then pick up when the new retainer is ready); 放学到学校接她(got “dad, can you pick me up” text when I was taking a walk to Warson park). Yes sure 🙂
PS: I talked about “soldier on” mentality to my 14 year old and she thinks it’s too much. She basically her generation doesn’t care. My sense is she felt that is “out of date” concept. After all, until fairly recently she never ate anything from White Castle (they have very cheap food). I guess many of her friends are privileged like her too. I heard some people spending tons of money on Bar and bat mitzvah: one of my Jewish friend told me some rich people spent wedding like money on the adulthood ceremony. She was invited to one last year and it seems pretty good too. This is quite different from my middle school days. Too bad she still has to work on similar math homework I do in my days 🙂
关于Soldier On, 我的理解很大程度上是“坚持”：我记得高中一年级，有一次运动会，跑四百米，我知道我有可能拿道第三名，最后一百米使出吃奶的力气，紧紧跟住第三名，后来我是第四。我的一个同学后来跟我说：其实他（第三名）也是害怕你一直跟着他。我觉得现在美国的很多问题其实也是因为缺少坚持，努力和毅力。
And if/when I tried to tell her or remind her to be more careful (maybe once to 3 times at the most), she would say: dad, basically you are telling me things I already know. So, here am I, the middle age guy who tends to repeat himself 啰嗦或是爱唠叨的老头。
I think she may be more talented or intelligent than me, but without that grit I am not 100% sure that she will be successful. A related phenomena is I saw very few Americans want/like to do physical labor nowadays: by that I mean things such as construction work, mining etc. For example, we saw all the contruction workers in the Baltimore Bridge accident are immigrants – An international tragedy: A father of 3 and a budding entrepreneur are among 6 victims of the Baltimore bridge collapse. The irony part is those workers were trying to fix the potholes in the highway (on the bridge) that many commuters and 18 wheelers use daily – assume mostly are the wear and tear.
Or maybe this is so called generation gap 代沟？After all, once she said: I don’t think there is any ethical billionaire. I guess her definition of “ethical” has higher standards than most. Then she added: Taylor Swift included too. That’s my girl: at least she is thinking and has her own opinion.
*美国的Double Tree Hotel 也不包早餐。Hotel chains that provide free breakfast (usually buffet style) include: Hampton Inn (by Hilton), Hilton Garden Inn, Hyatt Place/ Hyatt House and Residence Inn (Marriott). This is not a complete list. I know in addition to Double Tree, Marriott’s Courtyard doesn’t have free breakfast either.
Colyte Jug – mine is similar – prepping for the liquids and drinking it is quite some work (the day before)
Colonoscopy is a routine exam recommended by doctors for adults over 50 in the USA: as a precaution checkup for the signs of colon cancer. 在美国一般医生会建议50岁以上的人去做一次肠镜，以检查是否有肠癌的迹象。I heard colon caner is among the top two cancer in the US. I did mine at Mercy St. Louis – it’s the hospital both my girls were born and I also worked for Mercy in the IT department for about 18 months between Nov 2013 and May 2015.
It takes some efforts and courage to take the exam. First some Overview by Mayo Clinic. Also, it’s not the only way to detect colon cancer. There are 2 ways. Both have pros and cons. I did this Fecal occult blood test about 13 or 14 months ago, partially because it’s less invasive, and partially because my doctor then is also a bit soft spoken, and he agreed. This time I am not this lucky. I got a new doctor and when I mentioned testing for colon cancer, and he directly chose the colonoscopy.
Prep
The doctor performs colonoscopy will usually provide the prep instructions. Alternatively, because this is a quite common procedure, there are lots of resources online: I shared some below. One common question is the low fiber food before and after (see below), also the liquids to drink the day before, as well as the special medicine (liquids) to drink about 12 to 15 hours before the procedure.
I did drink some chicken broth (sold at Costco): I drunk a few cups. I added a bit salt to the broth and microwaved it. I also drunk coffee and sprite that day, because I need to start the Colyte liquid (prescribed medicine, power mixed with water, see below) at about 3 pm my time (due to my schedule). I took a break between 6 to 8 pm, and resumed it until about 11:30 pm to consume about 3 L (or 2.75 L to be precise). I finished the rest in the early morning before procedure.
Today I went. The results are out and they seemed good.
Btw, the GI lab at Mercy seems quite busy, and they are a few steps and a few things to keep in mind (or tips, if I may).
They have a sign says don’t bring any valuables. I understand where they come from, but if you think you like to read on phone, I say bring it (I didn’t bring, and was somewhat bored during my about 45 minutes wait in the waiting room/bed). Don’t take any picture or videos due to privacy concerns.
I noticed I may not be the youngest in the patients group. Obviously they are people who are a bit older. And they seems to be people who are younger than me as well. I did see a lady brought her phone.
The anesthesia: I believe this is the 1st time I was knocked out completely. The drug is actually is from the needle, rather it’s from the IV infusion (挂盐水/葡萄糖), which I did recently (see this American Healthcare System II – 美国医疗系统之二). Btw, it’s a smaller punch or less pain for me this time, as the nurse put the needle at a spot that’s better, I guess.
Serious matter/Q: do you have a will or living trust?
I got this question asked many times. I actually started this “will” process but my wife didn’t sign. Later I learned Warren Buffett let his wife and kids view the will before official. Probably something I will do too as my 13 (soon to be 14) year old can understand some of that.
Most time seems to have been spent on waiting. Fairly routine procedure. Felt a bit drowsy after being woken up. But I feel I can drive after probably 4 hours of this. Again a smart phone may help, if you have the energy. Or just rest instead of doom scrolling 🙂
The people and humor
“You got another 10,000 miles” (this is actually from nurse at primary care office, after the annual physical)
“Just take a nap” (today’s nurse, referring to the anesthesia).
“What you want to eat after this? (a big meal :-)”
Because usually people were on the “liquids only” food the day before. And no food on that morning. || My answer: I am going back to the low fiber diet as I read it from What to Eat After a Colonoscopy
I think it’s always the people and the humor made the difference.
PS
Why Mercy: in St. Louis area there are a few large hospital chains, in the order of size, they are BJC, Mercy, SSM and St. Luke’s (not to be confused with the Kansas City St. Luke that’s going to merge with BJC), respectively. BJC (and Washington U Physicians) is nationally recognized, and it appears their service sometimes could be a bit expensive than others (not quite scientific, just a recent observation). Mercy is the closest for me, and it also has some unique strength. For example, they were the 1st to using Epic EMR in the region. A while ago I worked at MyMercy patient portal, and now I got to use it as a consumer (customer). Btw, the patient portal is based on MyChart. BJC is also using Epic software now. And both BJC and Shriner Children’s hospital used MyChart. One thing though: each MyChart is standalone, you cannot share credentials between the different hospitals.
Back to the topic, I think the prep part: both physically and mentally is the hardest part. The low-fiber diet, the liquids only diet, and the colyte (too much water to drink in a short duration of time). Then there is this unknown part of “short nap” 🙁
I don’t know about you, but I was fairly enthusiastic about sports when I was in the middle school and part of the high school. At one time I thought I should join the Chinese youth soccer team (under 16), which looking back I don’t think that’s possible.
A few months ago I also talked about Tennis 网球. Recently (to be precise on Jan 7 Sunday evening) my old daughter injured her ankle during a tennis clinics session. I only saw her injured after the fact, as I didn’t see her fall on the spot, which is a few minutes towards the end of clinics. So we got the ankle wraps and tapes etc. from the Walgreens. But she still jumps on one leg – because she could not use any force on her injured ankle. The second day was Monday (school day), obviously we cannot go to school under this condition. And because “wait and see”, as well as “my wife’s reluctance go to urgent care” that day, I went ahead and bought Crutches from Walgreens (I posted it on CL recently).
Urgent care and specialists
The following Tuesday we still went to the Total Access Urgent care (TAUC) next to Walgreens at Creve Coeur (cost: $175.00 not too bad). Then it’s following up. I chose and went to the Shriner’s Hospital for that: 2 trips, the cost to us is only $102.13, plus they have magicians on site sometimes. This seems very reasonable. This is much cheaper than the X-ray service fee (more than $400) from BJC for scoliosis (false positive, but nonetheless the checkup/x-ray and followup with specialist (not too bad there).
(Update 03-18-2024) It seems the Shriner’s Hospital changed their billing in the month of February. Since last time I paid them inside MyChart, I received 2 more bills and I paid them online (a new bill pay website, not from MyChart). The total is about $250. Btw, BJC sent one more bill from the doctor who reads the X-ray, it’s not a lot – but overall cost seems high to me.
(Update 03-26-2023) Okay, I think now I understand most bills now. There were 5 bills or 5 payments from my side. Two bills for the X ray which although it says the doctor’s name in the insurance company website’s benefit explanation section. Two bills for the nurse practitioner who looked at S. And one therapist who came for the 2nd visit. The total out of pocket for Shriner’s hospital is about $450 for us.
4 Bills from the Shriner’s hospital, I think I turned off the paper bill in MyChart and one of the paper bill didn’t come
Btw, I am selling a few gentenly used items on eBay to recover some of the costs.
Our old daughter back to court after 3 weeks break, at CCRC.
几个礼拜前她的脚踝扭了：现在已恢复。我几个礼拜之前说了买网球鞋的事：大家如打网球，可以参考一下。A side note is our 13 year old got to hang out with her friend in the mall on Saturday. I recall when I was her age: I like to hang out at the bookstore by myself, and also I saved some changes and bought snacks such as 金团 一种糯米做的甜点。美国中西部没有金团，类似的甜点有mochi 应该是从日本来的。Anyway I am quite happy she is back to her normal routine, and also enjoys some “chill time” with her friend.
Adolescence
Our 13 year old is soon going to be 14 year old. And recently she started to pick up her own clothes, and I think some of it (the style) is likely influenced by the TikTok and YT shorts, her friends (again TT and YTS), and some stores such as Aerie (American Eagle).
In contrast, I recall I started to pick my own clothes around similar age.
Performative Society
Other related topics: how hard should parents push adolescent kids on sports, for that matter anything.
I felt we increasingly live in a performative society, thinking applicable to me (or my work) as well. This is a bigger topic and I will come back to it sometime soon, hopefully.
PS: personally I haven’t had hurt my ankle that bad, when I was a teen. I did get my ankle hurt once during a soccer game, in which my teammate accidentally kicked my left ankle (using his dominant foot, right foot), he and I was trying to kick the same soccer ball.
Look around you will see a friend, a family, we are brothers and sisters too.
======
(I forgot the exact grace before dinner at Fraternity. I recall there may be something about brotherhood. If I look carefully enough, it may be in some of the materials I still have)
Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven: Give us this day our daily bread; And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil; For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen.
I came across this prayer on a Sunday at a friend’s friend’s house: baby shower (Nov 2013). I was just told by my recruiter that my contractor position would end in 2 weeks on the Friday evening prior. And I suspect someone at the company I worked at, may have said bad things about me then. I don’t have proof, just suspicion. Now I think it’s more a business decision, change of direction basically. The prayer made a difference on how I feel about the situation, or at least how I wanted to approach the things.
I got a job offer a few days later 🙂
Prayer before bed
Probably not as common as the prayer before the meals. But when our older daughter was younger, I usually say a few prayers before she goes to bed. A few years ago, she would say “love” to everyone before going to sleep. Now our younger one does the same.
我记得当我接到华工的入学通知书时，还是悲喜交加。主要是担心上学的行程较不方便：我在长江轮船的博客上也有提到。四年以后，我试图通过考研再试试上海某大学，还是因数学考试没有准备好而再次失败。没有第三次，第三次我来到了密苏里大学罗拉分校（现在已改名密苏里理工大学）。看来我跟理工大学有缘。有一个原因可能是因为我们那时候有一个说法：学好数理化，走遍天下也不怕。Another reason is I was under the impression having a profession is good to make a living, something along these lines (In the blog post, How To Survive As An IT Contractor? I mentioned my maternal grandma and (actually my maternal uncle, my mom’s brother) think it’s good to be an engineer.
同时我一个人可能把理工大学给用完了，我的十三岁的大女儿现在是没有上理工大学获学工程的打算。当然女大十八变，我希望她将来至少在数学和计算机方面是相对较强的。(Update 09-20-2025) This is no longer accurate, I think she is now planning to study in Engineering, as she believe that she can make a difference in climate change by majoring/focusing on engineering. Remember the old Chinese saying “女大十八变“？I think it’s all good, btw.
