stlplace

Category: Life

  • It’s a pleasure to be your cool dad

    Reading Time: 3 minutes

    Note: I also published this to Medium, and the friend link is here.

    Our younger daughter turned to 10 the day before yesterday. And our older daughter is about 4 years older, so basically I have been a dad for a bit over 14 years.

    Being dad is not an easy job. Last few years are getting a bit more challenging, as my older one is becoming a teenager, and also with pandemic, we were worried about the lack of social activities etc. Below is some of my observations and thoughts on the topic of “raising kids”, which is my main task or job at this stage of my life. In theory I can do auto pilot too, but I am just not that kind of cool or laid back dad. I was trying to stay away from the other extreme as well: aka the micro-management, or sometimes people call the practice “helicopter parenting”. I am by no means perfect, and I had my setbacks and failures in many aspects, from big to small. I recall in my recent trip to China, we met a dad, and he said he never missed or be late for the morning drop-off for his son (that’s 7 years of no late or tardiness).

    I do believe he is a quite dedicated and meticulous dad, for me I tried but I think I failed here and there in terms pickup. Quite a few times: my 14 year old would text – dad, where are you? I would answer: 5 minutes away. And honestly sometimes I don’t know whether it’d going to be 5 or 10 minutes. But for the most part, my 14 year old still thinks I am a cool dad. And sometimes if I am not cool, she would say: chill 🙂

    Adolescent / adolescence:

    I have some reflections here on this topic, see below

    Ankle Injury And Recovery – 从哪里摔倒就从哪里爬起来

    Move Families And Kids To Better School Community

    My Zhenhai Middle School Days我在镇海中学的日子

    PS, corresponding to this Zhenhai Middle School; 镇海中学) piece above: I felt this summer our 14 year old seriously got into the math self-study. She wanted to do the math acceleration even since she got this idea from her 8th grade math teacher, and she was working hard on it since our summer 2024 China trip). From my perspective, I have zero complaints, and the main thing I need to remind her is “don’t sit in your room” for too long, go out and stretch, and “get some sleep” 🙂

    (Update 08-09-2024 am) In terms of self motivation, and learn math on her own, I felt our 14 year old is at “friction point of the clutch“. But this morning, the hell broke loose. I think at about 6:10 or 6:20 am, I got up and heard my 14 year old sobbing. I didn’t go and ask why (as I know that alone may make things worse). Turns out she was studying for the math acceleration, and she planned to go to bed at 12 am last night, and again to get up at 2 am and study – except she didn’t woke up to the alarm. She slept through. I know she really could get some more sleep in last month, because she is exhausted studying math most of this time. I went out and was going to walk/jog in the neighborhood – but I had my 2nd thoughts and quickly came back home and went to Bread Co. and get some breakfast. A while later, I asked our 10 year old – did big sis wake you up early morning? Our younger daughter replied: yes, at 6:52 am, because I looked at the clock 🙂

    So there is our 14 year old’s growing pain. Not to mention I dropped her off the high school (for test), and came back getting banana/water for her 🙁

    I am not complaining actually – I think in terms of I enjoy what I am doing, if I compare myself to an empty nester: a lot of my high school or college mates are empty nester now, because I had my 14 year old when I was 39. But one day if I get lucky enough to be an empty nester, I would try to be happy too – just need to find something meaningful or interesting to fill my day.

    (Update 08-09-2024 pm) So our 14 year old didn’t pass the day 2 session of the math acceleration (Advanced Geometry). But I am glad she is not giving up. She said: I am going to get the Algebra 2 book and study this year (aiming for a similar acceleration next summer). We just ordered the used book at eBay.

    Each kid is different

    What a novel concept or idea. Of course we know everyone is different, and child is no different. But at the same time, may I ask: don’t we used to do things like: for a guy (or a girl) with hammer, everything is a nail. No? Congrats that you already do much better than many other parents.

  • Some random thoughts during my recent China trip – 我2024年夏天中国行的一些观察

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    This article is also available on Medium, and blog.wenxuecity.com

    航空公司

    发现加航🇨🇦的loyalty member (Aeroplan)在飞机上用微信，手机短信等是免费的。不用花钱或点数买inflight WiFi：感觉又赚了一个亿[捂脸]。航空公司其实很难赚钱：成本在那里，固定成本和浮动成本等。但是另一方面愿意额外付钱的客户不多：比如说inflight WiFi, 比如说duty free product sale等等。股神巴菲特也说过类似的话：我估计他老人家在上回pandemic 那次卖了航空股以后就不会再玩航空公司的股票债券了：他老人家今年有93或94岁了。|| 我个人觉得纯从商业的角度出发，信用卡公司的商业模型business model 比航空公司好太多：她们基本上就是高速公路和谷歌的收买路钱的方法。不过在中国大陆感觉支付宝和微信支付基本上打遍天下无敌手，Visa 和万事达两大巨头基本上可以洗洗睡了。前两者的对商家来说成本比信用卡低太多。Alipay 和WeChat Pay 在香港也很拼，有不少商家也开始接受人民币的微信支付/支付宝。不过香港的payment 有点复杂：感觉基本上是八达通Octopus, 信用卡💳包括digital wallet Apple Pay, Samsung Pay, Alipay, WeChat pay等；还有出租车也就是的士🚕和地铁🚇需要的港币现钞。我用CS debit card 直接在银行的ATM机上取了些港币现钞。感觉在大陆用现钞的地方比香港少很多，基本上微信和支付宝都可以搞定。|| 离港上飞机之前有个小插曲，紧张程度有点类似于我上次工作中play as tech lead for production release：中间也出了点不大不小的问题，好在最后在超级队友的支持下，有惊无险。我感觉自己还是在这些大大小小的事情中，不断学习，提高自己[微笑]

    中国好还是美国好

    我被问到的一个常见的问题是：中国好还是美国好？我觉得各有千秋吧。比如说火车：美国的火车客运还停留在中国的绿皮车年代，中国的高铁确实挺牛。Amtrak 没有固定位置: no assigned seat 💺 on Amtrak – reminded me of southwest air the $luv stock ticker. 但同时，有一次当我看到拉莫多人在站台上抽烟🚬，甚至有人把烟头往轨道上仍的时候，我很无语。这次我在一些高铁火车站看到有标语提醒大家不要往轨道上扔烟头。还有比如酒驾开车违章等：感觉国内比美国抓得严一些。酒驾确实应该抓。违章，比如说摄像头直接寄罚单，扣分等，这样的事多年前我碰到过两回：olive / 270 上装了自动摄像头，有一年我不小心闯了两次，一个方向一次，一次罚款一百刀，不涨分（相当于国内扣分）。One year later: 我发现有一张20刀的支票，原来是因为这个自动照相并罚款的机器被人告了，我所在的城市承认错误，拆除了这些东东，并赔款。香港大概是中西文化交汇的一个地方了。我个人感觉不错：前面也遇到了。上海也还可以。美国也不是铁板一块：在从芝加哥机场到芝加哥火车站的顺风车上跟司机聊了聊，他是在约旦出生，英国留学，在那里碰到他的老婆美国人，后来就来到美国。他讲到上个礼拜他开Uber的轶事。跟我介绍了一下约旦。

    香港一日游 (下面的图我还没有贴）

    7/12 游香港岛的最高点太平山Victoria Peak (我们是坐tram 上去的，起点在香港公园/中环附近）。我们没有额外加钱上到图五/六的那个顶。我们感叹在香港这个寸土寸金的地方，还有个清净的山和山路供老百姓走走，真不错。山顶有咖啡店，饭店，和购买旅游纪念品的商场，邮局等等。|| 圣路易斯附近没有什么大山，如果想就近走走，我个人觉得 laumeier sculpture park, powder valley 和Creve coeur lake 旁边的bootleg trails 都还不错。图七，八是此次行程我们在港岛住的旅馆。两个旅馆都不错，北角north point 的凯悦中萃虽然离维多利亚港湾有两公里，但是她的位置还是非常方便，傍边有非常多吃饭的地方，有港铁和city bus. 最后一张screenshot 是此次旅程我用到的一些app。从机场到北角来回打了大名鼎鼎的香港🇭🇰红色的士(都是丰田的，大部分人较老，少部分较新），需要港币现金。我用我的CS debit card 在机场和中环的银行取款机上取了点：这个卡不额外收手续费，没有foreign transaction fee.

  • Hometown is always special

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    This is the last night before leaving mainland CHN for this trip, I am listening to 浙江之声 (浙江之声 via 蜻蜓FM) this time (last year march 2023 it was Love Radio 103.7 FM in Shanghai). I could not fall into sleep 💤. I am going to listening to it more via 蜻蜓FM once I get back to my current home by the Mississippi River.

    In last few years as my time spent in the US gradually approaching and exceeding my time lived in China, I almost treat STL as my home. But now I realized childhood home (hometown) has a special place in my heart. Probably for many other people too – especially for those left their hometown after college. For me it’s a bit more – I left the country I grew up.

    不少江浙人有较浓的家乡情节。我记得我去武汉上大学的时候，第一次离家这么远，有浙江同乡会办中秋晚会，主持人说到”吴山清越水秀的故乡”，我差点掉了眼泪。在学校的路上走，偶尔能碰到江浙沪的老师，从她/他们的口音和方言里可以听出来，会觉得很亲切。因为大多数时候听到的是普通话和武汉话。

    Somewhat related

    心安即是归处 (google search): 心安即是归处，意思是让人不必强求，不必攀比，一切顺其自然，做真实的自己。 我们不必为人生的不完美而感到遗憾。 法学教授罗翔在给学生讲解正义与良善时，曾用圆圈做过一个生动的比喻：客观上理想的圆是存在的，可人类无论借助任何精密的仪器，都无法画出自然界中完美的圆。 我们对完美虽不能至，却心向往之。

    For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

    One usually remember mom’s (or dad’s, or other guardian’s) favorite cooking. I remember my mom’s cooking as well as my uncle (my mom’s brother)’s cooking too.

    醋溜带鱼羹 is one dish they made and I enjoyed.

    PS: (08-04-2024)

    Something came to my mind this morning when I was at a group exercise class at the J. Why mothers are always special. I think most people will say mom reminds them of the hometown. On the opposite, when people start to curse at each other, there is a very common one, son of the bit*h: in Chinese *子养的，why? Because I think by talking down the other person’s mom, deep in mind, the aggressor probably get a sense of the other person is not worthy. I think those are also likely the rationale behind:

    谁不说俺家乡好 (Wikipedia, YouTube)

    子不嫌母丑，狗不嫌家贫 (ximalaya)

  • 人到中年要注意的事

    Reading Time: 2 minutes

    Things to pay attention when we are over 50

    (I borrowed this paragraph from a high school classmate in mailand CHN) 我来说几句吧，不妥之处请大家指正：1. 一定要有医保，有能力的可以适当配点商业保险 2. 同学们都巳年过半百了，各种慢性病会慢慢出来，应该学习一点医学常识。个人建议关注以下几个（微信）公众号： 丁香医生/ 菠萝因子/ 营养师顾中一

    Below is my own cooking

    Exercise 锻炼身体：running, jogging, and walking 跑步，慢跑，走路 are all good. Many other good cardiovascular exercise 心血管运动 include cycling, swimming, and tennis. Take your pick. 饭后百步走，活到九十九。Aerobic exercise 柔韧性锻炼也不错，如瑜伽，普拉提等。跑步前后注意拉伸。

    至少要有大病保险；buy health insurance, as a minimum one should have the catastrophe health insurance: meaning the insurance that covers conditions such as cancer. This is needed for most people; I mean the people who doesn’t have 100 million dollars or more – who, btw, may be able to self-insure. Even in that case, one should find an administrator (basically a company that acts as middleman between you and the providers).

    Colon cancer screen

    聆听自己身体的声音，每年体检，看情况做一个肠镜；see your doctor and get the colonoscopy every 5 or 10 years. Below is example of people who got colon cancer and found out late.

    Indianapolis TV Anchor Tanya Spencer Dead at 53: Her Final Social Media Post Issued an Important Reminder

    I’m a 34-Year-Old With Colorectal Cancer. Here Are the Early Signs I Wish I Hadn’t Ignored (btw, an alarming trend is colon cancer patient get younger, as you can see from this google search)

    Guys:

    prostate and bladder (urologist);

    Ladies: mammogram, breast cancer ♋️

    好汉不提当年勇，包括开车

    2000年夏天我和朋友一起轮换开车从圣路易斯到黄石，总共大概24小时，没住旅馆，累了就在加油站打个盹。08年开同样的山路感觉就有点怕，19年类似的山路更是不大敢开。

    We are no longer in our 20s or 30s, this includes everything from drink, driving to eating. Pay attention to what we drink or eat. I found out I can no longer drive the mountain roads as confident as before – which is okay. I just need to be careful and mindful. If I cannot do it, I don’t do it.

    饮食

    我们这个年纪自己还是有可能调节的：饮食，少喝酒，少糖，多蔬菜🥬水果，包括有纤维的蔬菜水果🍉，我个人感觉酸奶也不错。还有睡眠，运动等。

    Also, refer to What’s For Dinner? 晚饭吃什么 – A Series On What We Eat And Its Impact On Our Bodies – I

    睡眠

    我一般心里有事，就会影响睡眠。我的办法一般是白天多锻炼；实在睡不着就听收音机，尽量避免手机，电脑等。

    Shingles vaccine 带状疱疹疫苗 (CDC, CDC PDF; Mayo Clinic).

    (05-26-2024) I went ahead and decided to get the vaccine at local Walgreens. Today 05-27-2024 I felt a bit drowsy, tired and a touch of fever (I googled the shingle vaccine side effect too). Note this is not as bad as the Moderna Covid-9 vaccine I took about 3 years ago. (05-27-2024 evening) I jumped to conclusion too quickly, it ooks like my fever is not trivial (about 101F). More on side effects on CDC website.

    Also, note the vaccine is 2 shots, and I will likely get the 2nd shot 2 months from today.

    More information on shingles (Mayo Clinic); 带状疱疹 (妙佑医疗)

    (Update 10-21-2024) I did 2nd shot yesterday afternoon. Today I felt not well again. Some fever etc. Hope I can recover tomorrow. The nurse at Walgreens did mention the side effect after 2nd shot is usually worse than the 1st shot.

    Will:

    Make a will. If kids are old enough, involve them in the process (learned this from Warren Buffett).

    不折腾或少折腾 包括工作不要太拼(don’t work long hours without break, and do it for a long duration)。

    PS: many of the things mentioned above are important when one is young too. But better late than never.

  • Mowing the lawn and lawn mower 割草和割草机

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    在2019年之前，我大概有二十年没有割草了。从1998年一月到1999年七月，我住在罗拉的美国大学生的兄弟会(Wikipedia fraternity; interestingly I joined the Delta Tau Delta fraternity (Epsilon Nu chapter) which is shown in the image when you do google search). 我在兄弟会的时候割过几次草。兄弟会有duty, 翻译成中文大概是值日值班的意思，我的任务里有不少是洗碗，偶尔也有割草。兄弟会是汽油的传统割草机：会有汽油的味道。印象最深的一次是大概是98年的夏天，兄弟会后面有较大的草地，我们一开始没有割草，后来发现有（不太友好的）邻居把我们举报了。马路对面的美国邻居是较友好的，我印像中他叫Bob May, 他告诉我们这个事。后来我们兄弟会有能力的美国小兄弟，去租了一个可以坐上去的割草机，把后面的草给割了。

    Google search fraternity screenshot (partial)：这个正好是我的兄弟会 Delta Tau Delta Epsilon Nu

    我2000年十月份来圣路易斯以后，一直住公寓和康斗(Condo, 相当于买下来的公寓), 就不用担心割草的事。一直到19年夏天，搬到现在的独门独户的房子。

    我一开始在亚马逊上买了这个 Greenworks 40V 16″ Cordless (Push) Lawn Mower，用了几年，效果还可以。一直到去年（2023年）春夏天，第一次割草时感觉很卡，割两下就熄火Shutdown. 我想两百多块的钱，用了快四年，也值了本了。正好在Costco 看到这个马力大的 Greenworks 80V 21″ Gen 2 Self-Propelled Mower, 还打折，就跳了。事后想想，打折的东西要稍加小心，也许有坑。

    后来发现确实有坑：这个割草机的好处是马力大，也有自推的功能。她的缺点是一个电池基本上是坏的，还有她在草较长的时候也同样熄火。最近我联系了厂家，换了个电池。但是总的来说，她家说充满电一次可以割 0.75 acre 是达不到的。我家的院子大概是 0.28 acre, 冲满电也不能一次割完。这也让我联想到买第一个电动割草机的时候，亚马逊上有一个美国老太太的留言，她说一次割不完也挺好，人也正好可以休息一下。

    我现在两个割草机都用。电池都充好电，一个没电了，换另外一个。最近发现割草的一个好处，就是可以消耗我的体力，这样某种程度上有点像跑步，可以帮助我的睡眠。

    PS: 在圣村，有时候太阳很厉害，如果自己在外面割草的话，记得要涂防嗮霜。

    PS 2: 如果自己不想割草的话，其实有很多专业的 landscaping 或是割草的公司，大大小小的都有。我估计，一般用邻居用的割草公司，价格一般不会太贵（我住的区是一个平民的社区，如果是富豪区就另当别论）。

    我自己估计我家一次可能四五十块钱。好算一点，一次五十块，夏天两星期割一次，圣村夏天大概可以算四个月，17个礼拜，我们就算割8次，$50×8=$400, 夏天就要四百块。春秋也得割草，算一个月割一次，一共算五次：$50×5=$250, 一共是二百五，总共一年割草是$650, 或是七百块钱。

    我上面的两个割草机，一个是两百多（19年），一个是四五百（24年买的，请注意我上面提到的缺点，最好读一下用户的评价，我觉得有些评价说的很客观），两个估计都还可以用上一段时间。电费我没算，我自己的时间也没算。但是需要考虑自己锻炼身体的好处-这个是用金钱难以衡量的。

  • 人到中老年少折腾

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    好像有个说法，人生在于折腾。

    Zhihu: 人生的意义在于折腾

    晚读 | 人生在于折腾，而不是年纪轻轻趋于平静 (新黄河 via qq.com)

    我想对年轻人来说，这个基本上是适用的。比如说前几年流行的创业，我们年轻时（大学毕业时，九十年代初）去南方，广东，深圳等。With some exceptions, of course. The main thing is we all need to listen to our body – doesn’t matter whether one is young or old.

    We want to avoid things like below

    Another death at BoA (X)?

    A 25-year-old Bank of America credit trader died suddenly at an industry event on Thursday night

    不单是万恶的资本主义才有这种现象。I heard about similar cases such as

    拼多多员工猝死 (Baidu)

    拼多多年轻员工“996”加班后猝死 官方账号“冷血”回复引发众怒: BBC

    我妻之死 || 华裔丈夫悼念长文《我妻之死》引争议！把妻子当工具人，又一个林生斌？！

    从国内搬运来妻子后，《我妻之死》的翻版

    6月2日，浙江台州，在黄岩布袋山石人峡景区发生-起悲剧事件。一支来自宁波的户外探险小队，因涉水过横切面，结果发生悲剧，有两人不幸被冲走，至今下落不明。有后续成员拍下了事故发生的全过程，我来分析他们到底犯了哪些错，才导致付出了生命代价，以此供大家警醒。

    Andrew McAuley (Wikipedia, Twitter/X): quote wikipedia – Andrew McAuley (born 7 August 1968; presumed dead 9–12 February 2007) was an Australian mountaineer and sea kayaker. He is presumed to have died following his disappearance at sea while attempting to kayak 1600 km (994 mi) across the Tasman Sea from Australia to New Zealand in February 2007.

    身边的例子

    我想到我的一个老乡，比我大几岁，大学毕业后，当时闯深圳可能比较流行，他也去了。后来没多久，他得了不轻的病，回到老家休养了。现在应该有三十多年了。也不知道现在他的情况-他是我大哥的同学，也是镇海中学高中毕业的。

    其实更早些，我有表哥表姐上山下乡，有去黑龙江，新疆，云南，贵州。她们大我十几岁，二十岁。后来她/他们都回老家上海了。

    我自己97年香港回归那一年夏天来的美国中西部，一晃就有快27年。前两天看油管，有一对华人夫妻，也是大陆过来的，油管上的网红北美天马行：频道名是英文 BestYears2BestPlaces. 大意是在走不动之前到处走走-这个想法本身没问题。下面是她们频道的介绍。

    “北美求学, 毕业, 工作, 安家，养娃养房养花种草, 生活像陀螺 … 突然因为疫情蹲家工作，带你一起分享我们在北美的生活，旅行，旅居，和考察退休地。
    *** 原创不易，谢谢您的关注和鼓励! ***
    联系：一个 gmail 的邮箱    “

    折腾

    我看了一下她们的频道，主要还是关于旅行，养老，房子等等。看她们经济上基本上是自由的。她们也讲到断舍离，和搬家等带来的emotional drain.

    油管是个无底洞。后来我看到，有关于哥斯达黎加，和马拉西亚移民的视频。后者（马来西亚留学移民）的视频非常多，因为天气方面两个地方都不错（不冷，年纪大的人一般怕冷），马来西亚在地理位置，饮食，文化等方面更有优势。

    说到折腾，让我想到我的一个表姐，就是我上面说的情况里的一个。她当年回城其实是跟当时在乡下的情人被迫分手的，因为男朋友不是上海人。这种情况当时应该不少。但是我的感觉也是留下一个后遗症。多年以后，她的老公已去世，小孩结婚后关系也不好。最近我听我爸爸说，她开始了网恋，其实就是应该是单恋抖音上一个类似秀才，闻神这样的人。我爸爸很不以为然。

    最近我高中同学独自驾车去西藏旅游，结果高原反应，现在还没出院。后来大家才知道，他的身体其实不太好。我可以理解他想去驾车独行，但是不管怎样身体是革命的本钱。

    我后来想，有可能我的同学看抖音或微信短视频多看了一些219国道怎么好玩。这类的视频一般容易一边倒，主要是抓眼球和流量，不会讲究质量，科学，严谨等等。

    不折腾

    其实很重要。我记得，大概二十年之前，因为我的个人工作生活不是太顺，我想过要不要去读一个 Master of Financial Engineering, 然后跟我在罗拉时的师弟那样，去华尔街做几年。我好像当时申请了纽约的哥伦比亚大学。她家没要我。某种程度上，我觉得是庆幸的。

    (05-19-2024) Now I think about it, both (late) Charlie Munger and Warren Buffett stayed in their respective houses for many decades. Once Charlie joked, if people offered money to move across the street, he would not do it (the context is a question came up re: some rich people in California moved to Texas to avoid high tax).

    Last but not least, I like to share something I heard – “We don’t know if we will die from overworking but why take chance” – probably said by Ronald Reagan (per Charlie Munger or Warren Buffett). Btw, I ran at Olivette this beautiful Sunday morning.

  • I am exhausted, but I will soldier on

    Reading Time: 3 minutes

    Dealing with my 14 y old: the new retainer got lost in a week. See: I was smart that I bought the “retainer insurance” 🙂 If the opportunity arises, I would buy the “iPhone insurance” too (remember why I bought iPhone 15 : long story short, she accidentally broke her iPhone XR (which was passed on from me), and I decided to buy iPhone 15 so that I can give my iPhone 12 to her.

    And before that, she lost her wallet at the J (due to theft).

    So we have 2 accidents and one theft (in which she is victim, but still as my wife says, you don’t want to be careless so that the thief would notice you 🙂

    Again maybe I could always use more patience: in life, in investing and at work.

    Why, why, why is her so sloppy in terms of keep track of her things?

    I can think of one reason, which is coming back right to us – we babied her too much, reminded her consistently (sometimes a bit excessive), which made her rely on our reminders to some extent. This is definitely not healthy. Here is one article on the topic – How to get your kid to do stuff without having to constantly remind them

    Another reason is probably because there is no real consequences for her on those kinds of things. Imagine if I “broke something like iPhone”, there is no iPhone then, let’s just say that I lost a radio, or a cassette player (a Walkman). It won’t be trivial let me guarantee that. Even if my parents didn’t say anything: I would feel bad. In college now I recall I did have a few accidents: including once someone broke my drawer and stole my money there – remember the loss from theft story I talked above. Even today I still suspected someone in my dorm room or someone has the connection stole my money (they probably knew I received money shortly before that). Once in a bus in Wu’chang, I realized my wallet got stolen by a pocket picker.

    I guess that’s one hard part of parenting. But I think I would still trade “being my daughters’ Uber driver” any day (see the paragraph below), over true retirement which means I probably need to find something productive to do if I am still healthy.

    昨天基本上就是半退的状态-我告诉我老大我大概为她的事跑了两个半小时-为她的retainer开车到new and cool St. Peter’s orthodontist 🦷 office 两次（2 round trips, drop off mold 1st, then pick up when the new retainer is ready); 放学到学校接她(got “dad, can you pick me up” text when I was taking a walk to Warson park). Yes sure 🙂

    PS: I talked about “soldier on” mentality to my 14 year old and she thinks it’s too much. She basically her generation doesn’t care. My sense is she felt that is “out of date” concept. After all, until fairly recently she never ate anything from White Castle (they have very cheap food). I guess many of her friends are privileged like her too. I heard some people spending tons of money on Bar and bat mitzvah: one of my Jewish friend told me some rich people spent wedding like money on the adulthood ceremony. She was invited to one last year and it seems pretty good too. This is quite different from my middle school days. Too bad she still has to work on similar math homework I do in my days 🙂

    关于Soldier On, 我的理解很大程度上是“坚持”：我记得高中一年级，有一次运动会，跑四百米，我知道我有可能拿道第三名，最后一百米使出吃奶的力气，紧紧跟住第三名，后来我是第四。我的一个同学后来跟我说：其实他（第三名）也是害怕你一直跟着他。我觉得现在美国的很多问题其实也是因为缺少坚持，努力和毅力。

    And if/when I tried to tell her or remind her to be more careful (maybe once to 3 times at the most), she would say: dad, basically you are telling me things I already know. So, here am I, the middle age guy who tends to repeat himself 啰嗦或是爱唠叨的老头。

    I think she may be more talented or intelligent than me, but without that grit I am not 100% sure that she will be successful. A related phenomena is I saw very few Americans want/like to do physical labor nowadays: by that I mean things such as construction work, mining etc. For example, we saw all the contruction workers in the Baltimore Bridge accident are immigrants – An international tragedy: A father of 3 and a budding entrepreneur are among 6 victims of the Baltimore bridge collapse. The irony part is those workers were trying to fix the potholes in the highway (on the bridge) that many commuters and 18 wheelers use daily – assume mostly are the wear and tear.

    Or maybe this is so called generation gap 代沟？After all, once she said: I don’t think there is any ethical billionaire. I guess her definition of “ethical” has higher standards than most. Then she added: Taylor Swift included too. That’s my girl: at least she is thinking and has her own opinion.

  • Stay at Hotels in China 回国住旅馆

    Reading Time: < 1 minute

    I am used to stay at hotels when I visited Shanghai, from the Home Inn or the like back in the days, to more fancier or western brand hotels, now that I have a family and kids.

    I never thought that I would stay in hotels when I go home and see my parents. But that happened in year 2016.

    我们大概是傍晚🌆 到的我父母的家：两卧室的老公寓。我当时根本没有想到要去住旅馆🏨。但是吃了晚饭后，我很快就意识到住在我父母家不现实。因为我看到另外一个房间的床上都放满了东西。

    我们就出去找旅馆。先找了一个类似招待所一样的地方，交了押金等，后来很快就意识到房间的味道（发霉的味道？）太大，就损失了一百块的押金，住到了对面的稍好一点的旅馆。过了几天，找到了南苑旅馆(这家是连锁的，还可以），就又搬到那里，一直住到去其它城市我的岳父家。在我岳父家我们也住的是旅馆（招待所）。

    最近三次回国（2017，2019，和2023年），我就住这一个（17年开的）。中文名字叫宁波北仑世茂希尔顿逸林酒店。今年夏天回国基本上定下来还是住这一家。这一家(DoubleTree)不包早餐*：她家有自助餐，还可以，大概一百多块钱。附近有肯德基，兰州拉/牛肉面，还有一个宁波还是台州的连锁的豆浆，肉包子等传统中式早餐。还有星巴克等。所以不用天天吃旅馆里的自助餐。旅馆傍边就是富邦世纪广场，地铁长江路站，银泰城也不远。我个人比较喜欢银泰城里的西贝莜面村。拿了也有外婆桥等本帮/宁波本地菜。

    *美国的Double Tree Hotel 也不包早餐。Hotel chains that provide free breakfast (usually buffet style) include: Hampton Inn (by Hilton), Hilton Garden Inn, Hyatt Place/ Hyatt House and Residence Inn (Marriott). This is not a complete list. I know in addition to Double Tree, Marriott’s Courtyard doesn’t have free breakfast either.

    Aging Parents 上了年纪的父母

    这个方面的问题我以前没怎么想到。就是父母上了年纪以后可能会更“粘人”。下面是两篇英文的相关文章。

    Strategies for Dealing With a “Clingy” Senior

    How to Handle Emotionally Needy Parents

    现代医学有很多进步，手机微信等现代科技也带来很多方便，同时也带来不少问题。我想对老年人也适用。微信是中国最流行的手机应用之一。我爸爸会用智能手机，但是他把家庭群当成了网上的某些论坛，骂人。还不如我妈妈不会用手机。说到我妈妈不会用手机，还有个故事。疫情前，她在老年大学，拿出来老年手机（就是只能打点话，发短信的手机），有人就说，都这个年代了，你怎么还用老年手机。原来她们班也是有微信群。后来，大概是16年回国那一次，我有个就是帮她在手机上弄好微信。

  • Colonoscopy 肠镜

    Reading Time: 5 minutes
    Colyte Jug – mine is similar – prepping for the liquids and drinking it is quite some work (the day before)

    Colonoscopy is a routine exam recommended by doctors for adults over 50 in the USA: as a precaution checkup for the signs of colon cancer. 在美国一般医生会建议50岁以上的人去做一次肠镜，以检查是否有肠癌的迹象。I heard colon caner is among the top two cancer in the US. I did mine at Mercy St. Louis – it’s the hospital both my girls were born and I also worked for Mercy in the IT department for about 18 months between Nov 2013 and May 2015.

    It takes some efforts and courage to take the exam. First some Overview by Mayo Clinic. Also, it’s not the only way to detect colon cancer. There are 2 ways. Both have pros and cons. I did this Fecal occult blood test about 13 or 14 months ago, partially because it’s less invasive, and partially because my doctor then is also a bit soft spoken, and he agreed. This time I am not this lucky. I got a new doctor and when I mentioned testing for colon cancer, and he directly chose the colonoscopy.

    Prep

    The doctor performs colonoscopy will usually provide the prep instructions. Alternatively, because this is a quite common procedure, there are lots of resources online: I shared some below. One common question is the low fiber food before and after (see below), also the liquids to drink the day before, as well as the special medicine (liquids) to drink about 12 to 15 hours before the procedure.

    Day -3 and Day -2

    Low-fiber diet do’s and don’ts – Mayo Clinic || Also note Mayo Clinic and Kaiser Permanente are both highly reputed hospital chains in the USA.

    Day -1

    Clear-Liquid Diet for Colonoscopy Preparation | Kaiser Permanente 

    I did drink some chicken broth (sold at Costco): I drunk a few cups. I added a bit salt to the broth and microwaved it. I also drunk coffee and sprite that day, because I need to start the Colyte liquid (prescribed medicine, power mixed with water, see below) at about 3 pm my time (due to my schedule). I took a break between 6 to 8 pm, and resumed it until about 11:30 pm to consume about 3 L (or 2.75 L to be precise). I finished the rest in the early morning before procedure.

    – Very important: You may not eat any solid food or drink alcohol for 2 days! In the morning on day 1 of your prep (2 days before your colonoscopy), fill 1 jug of Colyte as written on the jug and place in the refrigerator.

    The Day

    Today I went. The results are out and they seemed good.

    Btw, the GI lab at Mercy seems quite busy, and they are a few steps and a few things to keep in mind (or tips, if I may).

    They have a sign says don’t bring any valuables. I understand where they come from, but if you think you like to read on phone, I say bring it (I didn’t bring, and was somewhat bored during my about 45 minutes wait in the waiting room/bed). Don’t take any picture or videos due to privacy concerns.

    I noticed I may not be the youngest in the patients group. Obviously they are people who are a bit older. And they seems to be people who are younger than me as well. I did see a lady brought her phone.

    The anesthesia: I believe this is the 1st time I was knocked out completely. The drug is actually is from the needle, rather it’s from the IV infusion (挂盐水/葡萄糖), which I did recently (see this American Healthcare System II – 美国医疗系统之二). Btw, it’s a smaller punch or less pain for me this time, as the nurse put the needle at a spot that’s better, I guess.

    Serious matter/Q: do you have a will or living trust?

    I got this question asked many times. I actually started this “will” process but my wife didn’t sign. Later I learned Warren Buffett let his wife and kids view the will before official. Probably something I will do too as my 13 (soon to be 14) year old can understand some of that.

    This reminds me of a related question – We each have an average of 100 online accounts. Here’s how to make sure they aren’t a nightmare for your family if you die. Btw, my wife and kids know my iPhone passcode, but that’s probably not enough. I told my wife investing in S&P 500 index funds when I die. Hopefully she take notes or registered in her brain. Otherwise she can come to this blog (wait, I probably need to renew the domain as well as pay the hosting fees in advance 🙂

    Waiting

    Most time seems to have been spent on waiting. Fairly routine procedure. Felt a bit drowsy after being woken up. But I feel I can drive after probably 4 hours of this. Again a smart phone may help, if you have the energy. Or just rest instead of doom scrolling 🙂

    The people and humor

    “You got another 10,000 miles” (this is actually from nurse at primary care office, after the annual physical)

    “Just take a nap” (today’s nurse, referring to the anesthesia).

    “What you want to eat after this? (a big meal :-)”

    Because usually people were on the “liquids only” food the day before. And no food on that morning. || My answer: I am going back to the low fiber diet as I read it from What to Eat After a Colonoscopy

    I think it’s always the people and the humor made the difference.

    PS

    Why Mercy: in St. Louis area there are a few large hospital chains, in the order of size, they are BJC, Mercy, SSM and St. Luke’s (not to be confused with the Kansas City St. Luke that’s going to merge with BJC), respectively. BJC (and Washington U Physicians) is nationally recognized, and it appears their service sometimes could be a bit expensive than others (not quite scientific, just a recent observation). Mercy is the closest for me, and it also has some unique strength. For example, they were the 1st to using Epic EMR in the region. A while ago I worked at MyMercy patient portal, and now I got to use it as a consumer (customer). Btw, the patient portal is based on MyChart. BJC is also using Epic software now. And both BJC and Shriner Children’s hospital used MyChart. One thing though: each MyChart is standalone, you cannot share credentials between the different hospitals.

    Back to the topic, I think the prep part: both physically and mentally is the hardest part. The low-fiber diet, the liquids only diet, and the colyte (too much water to drink in a short duration of time). Then there is this unknown part of “short nap” 🙁

  • Ankle injury and recovery – 从哪里摔倒就从哪里爬起来

    Reading Time: 3 minutes

    I don’t know about you, but I was fairly enthusiastic about sports when I was in the middle school and part of the high school. At one time I thought I should join the Chinese youth soccer team (under 16), which looking back I don’t think that’s possible.

    A few months ago I also talked about Tennis 网球. Recently (to be precise on Jan 7 Sunday evening) my old daughter injured her ankle during a tennis clinics session. I only saw her injured after the fact, as I didn’t see her fall on the spot, which is a few minutes towards the end of clinics. So we got the ankle wraps and tapes etc. from the Walgreens. But she still jumps on one leg – because she could not use any force on her injured ankle. The second day was Monday (school day), obviously we cannot go to school under this condition. And because “wait and see”, as well as “my wife’s reluctance go to urgent care” that day, I went ahead and bought Crutches from Walgreens (I posted it on CL recently).

    Urgent care and specialists

    The following Tuesday we still went to the Total Access Urgent care (TAUC) next to Walgreens at Creve Coeur (cost: $175.00 not too bad). Then it’s following up. I chose and went to the Shriner’s Hospital for that: 2 trips, the cost to us is only $102.13, plus they have magicians on site sometimes. This seems very reasonable. This is much cheaper than the X-ray service fee (more than $400) from BJC for scoliosis (false positive, but nonetheless the checkup/x-ray and followup with specialist (not too bad there).

    (Update 03-18-2024) It seems the Shriner’s Hospital changed their billing in the month of February. Since last time I paid them inside MyChart, I received 2 more bills and I paid them online (a new bill pay website, not from MyChart). The total is about $250. Btw, BJC sent one more bill from the doctor who reads the X-ray, it’s not a lot – but overall cost seems high to me.

    (Update 03-26-2023) Okay, I think now I understand most bills now. There were 5 bills or 5 payments from my side. Two bills for the X ray which although it says the doctor’s name in the insurance company website’s benefit explanation section. Two bills for the nurse practitioner who looked at S. And one therapist who came for the 2nd visit. The total out of pocket for Shriner’s hospital is about $450 for us.

    4 Bills from the Shriner’s hospital, I think I turned off the paper bill in MyChart and one of the paper bill didn’t come

    Btw, I am selling a few gentenly used items on eBay to recover some of the costs.

    Set of 2 Theraband Resistance Bands – Green and Blue

    Ovation Medical Walking Boot Adjustable Support, Black, Size Medium, Adjustable

    Walgreens Ankle Support, Antimicrobial, Adjustable One Size Fits All

    Below was written on 02-04-2024 从哪里摔倒就从哪里爬起来

    Our old daughter back to court after 3 weeks break, at CCRC.

    几个礼拜前她的脚踝扭了：现在已恢复。我几个礼拜之前说了买网球鞋的事：大家如打网球，可以参考一下。A side note is our 13 year old got to hang out with her friend in the mall on Saturday. I recall when I was her age: I like to hang out at the bookstore by myself, and also I saved some changes and bought snacks such as 金团 一种糯米做的甜点。美国中西部没有金团，类似的甜点有mochi 应该是从日本来的。Anyway I am quite happy she is back to her normal routine, and also enjoys some “chill time” with her friend.

    Adolescence

    Our 13 year old is soon going to be 14 year old. And recently she started to pick up her own clothes, and I think some of it (the style) is likely influenced by the TikTok and YT shorts, her friends (again TT and YTS), and some stores such as Aerie (American Eagle).

    In contrast, I recall I started to pick my own clothes around similar age.

    Performative Society

    Other related topics: how hard should parents push adolescent kids on sports, for that matter anything.

    I felt we increasingly live in a performative society, thinking applicable to me (or my work) as well. This is a bigger topic and I will come back to it sometime soon, hopefully.

    PS: personally I haven’t had hurt my ankle that bad, when I was a teen. I did get my ankle hurt once during a soccer game, in which my teammate accidentally kicked my left ankle (using his dominant foot, right foot), he and I was trying to kick the same soccer ball.