Yesterday at a WeChat group, I wrote 昨天在一个微信群里我写到: 我（My LinkedIn Profile 我的领英链接）在美国工作23年迄今呆过十个庙。。。 话说完后我想起来十个庙，与多数码工相比，也真是不少了，平均2.3年（2年4个月）换一个工作。还好只是换工作😂
又想起在罗拉时，有一回是参加大公司招新的大学毕业生的介绍会（一般会有免费的比萨🍕饼，对我这样的穷学生来说诱惑力还可以）。有一次好像是听Honeywell公司的老总(possiably Michael Bonsignore)：你们这些年轻人（当时我还不是大叔），从大学毕业到退休，大概平均会有七个工作。这个与他们那一代人一辈子，大概三十四十年的打工生涯，大多为一家公司打工的情况大为不同。
是在学校找的。我当时是博士生，但是我感觉我的基础太差，最主要我当时很想出去工作了（我觉得做很多事兴趣还是相当重要的）。2000年，正好也是美国纳斯达克的最高点 （“The dot-com bubble burst in March 2000, with the technology heavy NASDAQ Composite index peaking at 5,048.62 on March 10 (5,132.52 intraday), more than double its value just a year before. By 2001, the bubble’s deflation was running full speed.”），我记得我在3月20日面试一家软件公司，并拿到Offer。我记得大概是1999年夏天，学校有不少研究生同学在圣路易斯找到软件开发的工作。记得九九年时的起步年薪大概是五万美元（或稍多一些）。我2000年三月开了五万五，老板挺爽快，给了我五万六。一方面是中大型软件公司，另一方面当时市场也不错。十年以后，我发现在圣村，软件工程师起步的薪水大概是六万的样子。当然2000年到2010年美国的通胀不算严重。
读音乐专业后来成为高级码工的人我见过一个，在2000年秋天在罗拉的UMSL extension 一起上过面向对象的设计课程的一个美国人。面向对象是什么其实不是那么重要。你就把它当成2000年的dot com frenzy (internet bubbles), 或者相当于现在的AI, chatgpt 就可以了。那些新的东西是有用的。但是同时我们必须认识到good old human intelligence, good old 4th grade math are probably more useful and long lasting. 说到那个音乐系的哥们，他后来是村里还不错的咨询公司的Principal Software Engineer. 记得他当时开个宝马三系，还有点拉风的- 基本上相当于现在的特斯拉(3/Y系)吧。我当时开的是91年丰田卡罗拉的手动。我自己是罗拉机械工程硕士，在读研期间上了几门计算机课。我在国内自学过一些计算机，考过国内计算机程序员水平考试（复旦大学负责主办的）。但是我的编程水平真正提高应该是我的第一个东家。
我昨天在油管上看到一个华人小老弟的一个关于找码工工作的视频，觉得不错，先放在这里。还有这一个，好像是亚裔的小妹（HOW I BECAME A SOFTWARE ENGINEER | no CS Degree, career change + advice. I agree with her on the part that money is not everything, which is pretty relevant for me at this time of my career. I guess it’s harder to say for her at her stage of career as she just got started, nonetheless it’s even more impressive when I think about it.）。 这两个视频都是英文。正好可以练一下英文，至少在我所在的美国中西部，面试一般还是英文。Btw, I found Travis Media has this video on interview and job search that’s very good.
Career Ladder
Title for (application or software) programmer or 码工，software engineer, application or software developer. Or just a coder at informal settings. 我可能以后会讲一下升职和常见的career ladder. 比如说奈飞的L5 是相当于谷歌的L多少。我想我们华人除了比小孩爬藤以外，在硅谷的华人码工不少会在意这个级别，因为级别与工资奖金💰是挂钩的。当然我现在的观点，钱不是最重要的因素，但是多刚刚起步的码工来说，一般因为家庭和职业的原题，这个还是比较看重的。我印象中有些老板也同意或说过类似的说法。
People who have impact on my career (not a complete list yet)
Reading Time: 3minutes杏花楼广式月饼 and 稻香村苏式月饼 from 亚米网
And eat some moon cakes. I just realized I wrote something about mid autumn festival way back in year 2007. I believe I was in Shanghai when I wrote this, and it was after we had honeymoon in San’ya, Hainan, China.
Time flies. Now we have 2 kids, and I don’t see any special mid-autumn festival logos on Baidu or Google home pages. But I saw one at Google Vietnam page. I did see this (浓情迎中秋) at Baidu 热搜。
For me this year, I bought some 杏花楼广式月饼 and 稻香村苏式月饼 from 亚米网 (yamibuy.com). We bought moon cakes at Costco in the past: not a big fan of those。我们以前经常在百利买加州的生计月饼（Sheng Kee bakery，我记得去过一次她家的Milpitas 分店. As the name suggests, this is a Hong Kong/Cantonese style, and I visited their bakery at Milpitas CA once many years ago）。今年百利可能卖完了，好像没看到生计月饼。
Local Bakeries in the STL area
I think when I was new to the US and studied at Rolla. The fresh baked mooncakes at the WeiHong Bakery (味香饼家) was a treat. Now it seems there are other choices (not mooncake), such as The Foundry Bakery: and recently I added it to my Authentic Asian Food In The STL Area post. I just heard from an Indian friend that their Naisu Milk Bun 奶酥面包 is fantastic. Before pandemic I go to a Korean bakery near Olive and 141 once a while too. Last but not least, the La Boone Bouche at Olive and Tempo drive is so busy nowadays.
A meme on mooncake
The Mooncakes Cometh!
(Who knew the alien invasion would start this way?)
Baidu Zhidao: 上海面包店有哪些牌子 Note many bakeries in Shanghai makes and sells mooncakes (a mostly seasonal item). Below are the list.
克莉丝汀 – I remember once I got 美式咖啡 from there, there are quite a lot Christen’s Bakeries in Shanghai. About 10 years ago, I found when I visit China, it’s hard to get black coffee (not instant coffee). I am a coffee drinker, and I found the places that I can always get good or decent American black coffee (pot coffee, basically we make them via grounded coffee at many American homes), is McDonald’s and Starbucks (not many small cities have McDonald’s and Starbucks). And add the Christen’s Bakery in Shanghai too.
静安面包房
85度C: this is a chain started in Taiwan. I recall visited their store in one of those places (Lan’xi or Quan’zhou). They are in California too.
苹果园
香特莉
季诺
可颂坊 (the link is their mobile website): I recall seen or being there before 1997. Baike 百度百科 link here.
元祖 (Wikipedia): another chain started in Taiwan. I went there once, and it surprised me that their products are quite expensive.
Last but not least, a bit explanation on the Mid Autumn Festival on Wikipedia. Since I left home for college, I rarely had opportunity to be back to my parents home on those holidays, though. Again 2007 was probably one of the years that I was in China for the holiday. For that matter, it’s the only year since 1998 that I spent significant amount of time in Shanghai (and China), and I wrote quite a bit on my observations on my blog. This is just one example.
Reading Time: 2minutesPhoto taken at the Simmons Bank at Olive and Warson Roads, 09-11-2023
Today I saw the flag was lowered at a local bank, and I knew it’s the 22nd anniversary of Sept-11, 2001, and I still remember that day. That morning, I was watching TV before going off to work, and it appears to me something hit the twin tower, and there was helicopter responding to the accident. Note it was before both the towers came down. I went to work, and quickly saw all the coworkers glued their eyes to the TV, and I knew something real serious happened…
At the time, I lived in an apartment that was very close to the STL airport. And in the next few days all the airplanes were grounded, and I couldn’t hear the airplane sounds I used to hear before 9-11. That evening (9-11) was also a bit panicking as people started to line up to get gasoline (I didn’t join). Also, my company had a large layoff a month after 9-11 (that was a co-incident, as there was a layoff plan before 9-11, the attack just made the layoff worse due to the economic outlook).
I recall a lot of things after 9-11, Here is something from the History Channel. I recall President George W Bush said “Go shopping (and support the economy)”. The two wars (Afghanistan, which started in late 2001; and Iraq, which started spring of 2003). Also, the airport security was totally revamped. Came across the below tweet from President Obama and he ordered the assassination of the head of al-Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden (On May 2[a], 2011).
Today we honor the memory of all the brave souls we lost 22 years ago. May we always remember their stories, the courage of our first responders, and the sacrifices our troops made to protect us in the years that followed. pic.twitter.com/z7BZSWBgRQ
We lost a lot good people that day, and there are lots of memorials for them, such as this one.
“Stop crying,” he told her. “I have to get these people out safely. If something should happen to me, I want you to know I’ve never been happier. You made my life.” https://t.co/IYWLraN7zO
There is an error in the Chinese translation above, Rick works for Morgan Stanley not JP Morgan (摩根斯坦利，不是摩根大通）。Also this Rick’s action just reminds me of the movie Titanic: during extreme time, there are usually heroes (put other people’s life 1st), and there are also people who just care for themselves.
PS: I talked about the 9-11 at the Monday class at Webster U. And many students were very young when it happened. But they were aware of it and similar attacks in their home country (India).
I put the double quotes around because looking back I don’t think I would die. Probably “scared to death” is more appropriate. But at the time I was really scared. It was probably in my 1st grade or 2nd grade, I cannot remember exactly. Maybe my parents or siblings or the aunt who helped me can verify.
It was on the way from the village school to home, and for some reason the strongest boy in my class decided to throw stone at me. I could not recall if I provoked him. But the stone hit my forehead, and blood started bleeding from there. That’s the time I thought I was going to die, because I never encountered something like this in my life. Obviously I started crying, and the other school kids that were walking home probably noticed too. And it just happened an aunt who is a good friend of my mom (she is the accountant for the village and sits in the same office as my mom, if I am correct) happened to be nearby, so she put me on her back. And walked to the doctor’s office, which is next to where my mom’s office is. Note at that time, it was the “barefoot doctors （赤脚医生）”, because China then doesn’t have formal medical schools for at least 10 years (due to culture revolution). I asked the aunt whether I would die, and she said No. I probably asked this question more than once. Btw, he was throwing from a distance of probably 75 to 100 yards (meters) so it was not too bad in terms of the hit. I don’t know if the teacher gave him a warning or not. I would not think too much about it personally. A few years later, I made a similar mistake myself, I played too rough with a boy in the class, and his mom talked to my parents. A few years later, I recall seeing him in the Zhenhai Middle School too.
I think in year 2016, I walked to the renovated village office, and I saw one of the doctors picture still there. He probably worked all these years from 1980 until 2016. He is one of the doctors who gave us vaccines when I grew up in the village, as well as treating us very much like the urgent care does in the USA nowadays. Before elementary school the barefoot doctors would actually walk to every home and gave out vaccines to the little kids. And I would close the door, hide behind my grandma and tried to get away from the shots. That usually didn’t work. I probably said cursing words at the time too. When I started attending elementary schools, I could no longer act out, because I was the class president and had to lead by example. Nowadays I can see some of that from my younger daughter – she doesn’t like getting the shots at doctor’s office, usually the vaccine shots. And I saw little kiddos crying at the Covid shots place (Christian Hospital to be specific), I recall one of the Washing U doctor was trying to comfort the kids. And I talked about my “shot scare” in twitter a while ago. Such as this one:
I was that kid before I attended elementary school back in China (1970s). I would hide behind my grandma's back or ask my grandma lock all the doors to the "barefoot doctors" who came to give vaccines. My effort is in vain because the doctors know my parents (esp my mom) well. https://t.co/GVosjJmoEK
Just booked the vaccination 💉 appointment for my 11 year old. Still need to persuade my wife re: our 7 year old’s vaccine 💉 shot. I recall things were easier when I grew up: the “barefoot” doctor would come to my home or school to give shots. /1
Another time, I was almost drowning. Note I didn’t know how to swim when I grew up. I think one reason is our parents didn’t want us to swim (or learn to swim) at a big (water) reservoir (it was man-made). And we heard the stories of two guys (young healthy men) who died years ago when they swam there after work. Now I am guessing they were probably exhausted, and somehow their bodies or legs had some issue then. Because it’s a reservoir it’s static water and there should not be any danger from under current etc. Anyway, back to the topic, I recall when I was probably completing 3rd grade, and in the summer sometimes my parents would send me to my maternal grandma’s house, living with my uncle’s (my mom’s brother) family including my grandma. Once my grandma asked me to bathe in the pond, the pond was not big or anything, but it was quite deep, I could stand up at the edge but that’s probably it. So that day for some reason I slipped off the edge, and I probably screamed (again I couldn’t swim), and someone quickly picked me up. I recall running back naked to my grandma’s house, and the reason I was naked was my grandma didn’t bring any new clothes for me, and she took my old clothes and was washing it in the pond. Again washing clothes in the pond is quite normal as at that time the villages didn’t have faucet water. So the drinking water was usually from a well or from collecting rainwater. And for washing stuff etc. a pond, a brook or a river is common then.
Got Lost: another time, when I was with my maternal grandma at Chai’qiao 柴桥老街 street, I got lost because I didn’t follow her close enough, and probably she walked too fast without looking back (I may have gotten distracted by something). I think that day, a neighbor who probably knew my grandma, sent me back to my uncle’s home. In those days (before 1983), I don’t think there were human smugglers like today, so in theory, I was still pretty safe.
Probably a year later also in the summer, I was probably finishing the 4th or 5th grade. I was joining my elder brothers to 割稻 （cutting down the rice staunch before getting the rice kernel), and I barely cut probably a few yards, before my cut into my finger. So there goes my rice-cutting job for that summer. I still have scars from that episode. Talking about getting the rice kernels 打稻 (threshing rice), it’s actually quite dangerous, I heard people got hurt as the machine pulled in their hands or arms.
I recall the aunt’s son (the aunt who carried me when I was hurt), once got his legs either into another machine 水车 (water wheel) for some reason, and he had to amputated both his legs.
水车 (water wheel)
Mental Health
I don’t recall there was much consideration of that when I grew up. One of my cousin died from suicide when she heard her younger brother (not her) would take over the job from her dad, also she may have some other issues (I heard one of her eye may have some problem), she was probably a bit over 20. At my high school or college, I heard from my mom one of the girls in my village died from suicide, after her parents scolded her for dating a carpenter or something. She was one year senior than me. We went to the same village school (the elementary school).
(Update 11-03-2025) Come across this Chinese blog post 被裁员是祸是福 -没准是柳岸花明又一村 and I agree. In English it’s called blessings disguised as curse 🙂
(Original) A touchy topic. I have been in the tech industry for almost 23 years, and I have seen my share of the layoffs. I saw the layoff very early in my career, and the most recent ones in last year or so amid the big tech post pandemic layoffs.
Layoffs are usually not pleasant. But putting emotions aside, I recall an older wise gentleman once told me: it’s not necessarily a bad thing, as it gives an opportunity for someone to look beyond the daily grinding, to reflect, to pivot or reposition and hopefully find something better or more suitable for someone (not exactly words, here someone is actually yours truly back in the early 2019).
Also sometimes the old timers (the good old employers) will ask in the employment history section during a job app: have you ever being involuntarily terminated from an employer? While I am not a lawyer (my wife is), but my legal advice here is: this is somewhat like the situation when I was in the US Consulate in Shanghai back in 1997, when the visa officer asked: what’s your plan after the graduate school? One thing I was 100% sure is: I was not going to say that I planned to stay in the US for good 🙂 I think an honest answer then is probably “I don’t know” or “I am not sure”. Remember in 1997 although the Hong Kong was returning to China, at the time the US was still way ahead of China, with the exception of the Chinese food here. There were a lots more economy developments in China compared to the US since then.
Two traumatic layoffs that left me impression
It was Oct 11, 2001, a month after the Sept 11, 2001. We knew the layoff is coming, after our company bought a rival company. The day came and it was not the 1st time I saw layoff, I think I saw a smaller layoff shortly after I joined the company in fall 2000. But Oct 11, 2021 is probably by far the worst in my career, we had 3 coworkers being let go on that morning. I worked closely with one of them, and the coworker cried or sobbed when the news broke. Her husband also worked at our team. Later the department manager rallied or tried to console the people who being left (we had about 30+ people, mostly devs). And we also learned the overlapping dev team at the acquired company were all let go. I recall there were quite a few ethnic Chinese people, who probably had similar background with me, but they may have came to the US a few years earlier than me. A side note amid all this is a QA engineer (test engineer) was laid off, and a few weeks ago during a townhall he asked question to the CEO about layoff 🙁 That day the company laid off about 18% of the people, and that’s probably 1,300 people.
Another case, while at the Mercy Health, we also knew the layoff was coming. And this time around we lost our QA engineer again (see the pattern here?), as well as an old engineer who cried / sobbed quite loud. I vowed to myself: never put myself into this kind of position when I reach his age (which is getting closer and closer, btw 🙂
My own share of layoffs
I had experienced 2 layoffs myself so far. Both times I was a bit surprised. But I think the second time it worked out for me better as my severance package is better, also due to the timing, it helped us bought our single family house at the right time before pandemic in summer 2019 (so here is another side benefit in addition to the career pivot).
The 1st time it was a bit sour taste. But I was not totally caught off guard either. I know one or two project leaders (they are more like team lead, not managers) didn’t like me. And I couldn’t do much to change the situation (the dynamics). The layoff came, the admin assistant was really nice actually. Looking back I think she is one of the few people who probably knew a few days in advance. I calmed down and negotiated a calm exit before my China trip then (year 2011, I had to email recruiters when I was in China, which is not ideal). I got a contractor position quickly after I came back from China. In this particular case, I actually learned that individual who said bad things about me before my manager(s) once got into a fist fight with another coworker there. I think looking from another angle, avoid toxic people at work place is a good idea 🙂 I do recall the evening in which I just lost my job, and I went to the Bread Co, thinking I would probably spend say $15 off my $40k savings: I may have seen a friend there, but I forgot exact who etc. I did couple interviews before the China trip, and no offer before my flight 🙁
Technically there was another case that I was laid off, in Nov 2013, very briefly. My contract job ended and they gave me 2 weeks notice via my recruiter. And I recall I saw a “Lord’s Prayer” in the weekend I learned the news, while at a friend’ friend home attending the 1st friend’ baby shower. That “layoff” left me a sour taste as well. But luckily I was interviewing before this and was able to quickly secure a new job offer in a few days.
Strategies
I think the most important thing to remember is never assume your job is there tomorrow. Because we have very little control. CEOs came and go, and little guys (or girls) like us can be let go really at any time. Never assume your work is so important that your boss or your company will keep you forever.
Along those lines, make sure you have the urgent savings account, which should at least cover 6 month of living cost: thinking mortgage / rent, grocery, gas, car payment (if applicable), and health insurance (remember if you pay out of your own pocket, it will not be cheap, as companies usually subsidize some cost aa a part of the benefit). This part is important because it gives you a peace of mind when you got the layoff. Note not every company offers generous severance package. The money you have will also help you have some breeze room when looking for new jobs.
Also get prepared. Always get your resume or LinkedIn profile updated. Test the market once a while. For coders (programmers, developers, software engineers), make sure you do some coding every day / week etc., don’t just sit there and do nothing. Learn something new if there is not much coding work. Nowadays there are so many online free resources for one to learn. In face, in terms of job market, for developers (software development engineers), the job market is usually pretty good. So as long as the developer knows something and can contribute, he/she usually won’t be in the job market for too long. I cannot say that for other positions in the IT job market, e.g., recruiter jobs are very much business (econ) cycle, so there is this famine and feast kind of situation. Similar can be said for the Quality Assurance (test engineer) and manager positions. I saw a director at the credit card got laid off, initially that individual worked for a contractor position as project manager, until eventually going back to similar position as before: took couple years.
But again here we need to be mindful that we are the ones who are responsible for our own careers: e.g., there is a manager position opening up at a software company or an IT shop, and someone hinted that you jumping at the opportunity. Remember what I just said: in terms of the job opportunities disparity between devs and managers, or architects for that matter. At one time of my career, I did become an architect as well, but I decided that was not for me longer term. I like to be closer to the coding.
Tips
Remember try not to be emotional. Also you are entitled to ask “why the layoff on me”? Although the answer is usually “the position is eliminated” or something similar. Remember the employer usually has better resources in terms of legal expertise or lawyered-up. In reality just like in the situation of “being dumped by your significant other”, there is usually signs or legit reasons whey it happened. Ideally you should know and not be caught totally off guard. And hopefully you were waiting for the severance package. For that my advice is not to sign anything on the spot. Just like an offer letter, you may want to bring it home, cool down, talk to someone, before signing anything official.
Also sometimes looking back the writing is on the wall or the hints are usually there. Like the two traumatic (large) layoffs I mentioned above. Get prepared before the actual layoff happens (again refer to the strategies above). No need to overly worry about the look the admin assistant gave you though, just be prepared when you work for someone or a company, you know in the USA the employment is at-will: meaning people can let you know anytime. This is quite different from the families. And don’t got tricked into thinking company’s sometimes misleading “we are families” kind of talk. We are in a employee / employer relationship, for now. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.
Last but not least, don’t use your company device for anything that’s in your private life. An example, your kids pictures, your family pictures, if you have company iPhone, try not to use it for those sort of things. And if you do, as a minimum try to make copies and delete the pictures on the phone before turning it in. You know the iPhone has settings that allow you to do that, and do it as needed. You never know what other people are going to do to the company devices that you turn in.
Psychological Impact
I don’t think this is trivial. I believe just like being dumped by your first significant other (boy friend/girl friend, husband/wife), this “being rejected by someone” feeling is usually hard, but at the same time it’s also quite common and normal. If you always got what you wanted, and were never rejected by someone, congrats 🙂 I think some of the websites will use the first name or name of your 1st boy friend or girl friend as an option (btw, this does not work very well in the Muslim countries, from what I heard). The reason for that is simple: people would almost never forget that name 🙂
Over the time though, we can overcome this “being rejected” feeling. It never goes away. But it can be controlled, and hopefully we can direct to something or some endeavor that we can use our passion there.
Another potential side effect, is the stigma associated with layoff, which is totally unnecessary – and I touched those good old companies’s specific question “have you ever involuntarily terminated from your job”? Again not legal advice just ignore those. Things don’t always work out as we liked. As long as we learn something and try not to make same mistake (again and again), we are making progress 🙂
Job Search
Last but not least, some job search observations / tips. Related to that, some may point out that although in the US, the employers cannot discriminate against applicants’ age, in reality though, this is still a factor and most employers in fact have preferences on employees’ age. I recall in the company I worked for 8 years, and I know a coworker worked there for 40+ years, and I heard he was laid off after I left (I resigned from that company in Nov 2008, yes it was during the financial crisis :-(. His layoff has nothing to do with my leaving, and I believe there is age factor there.
(Update 09-10-2023) Came across this video “One peril facing job-hunters? Being ghosted” at CBS Sunday Morning. This is actually quite common during a job search, from my experience. Don’t take it personally and move on.
(Update 09-20-2023)How Virtual Layoffs Became The New Normal For Workplaces. Btw, I just learned another contractor got laid off at my work place (my impression is current work place is pretty bad towards contractors, as I was at the other end of the table about 10 years ago, they did give me 2 weeks notice, so it softens the blow a bit). Talking about contractors or contingency workers in the IT and software industry, this is a very common way for an employers to add more people when needed, and get rid of them when not needed. Quite brutal in the sense of “job security” or “provide for family”. Something to keep in mind when jumping ships. || Also from SubStack: Layoff lessons: Four things I wish I knew.
(Update 12-18-2023) Came across this blog post from a former colleague, looks good. From my personal experience, healthcare is a tough industry to work.
Agent brown is the name my girls gave to the AirTag I used to attached to the car key (it has a brown holder) and later my older daughter attached it to her brown wallet. We lost agent brown. Saturday, to be more precise, 8/19 evening, at about 6:42 pm I got a text message when I was driving my girls to the premium outlet. The text message is from Amex, and it said “fraud alert” and someone tries to use S8’s Gold Card at a place called “City Gear” for about $280 worth of merchandise. The store declined it and thus the text alert from Amex.
Basically an hour ago my 13 year old lost her purse at the JCreve Coeur girls locker room. She said there is no lock but I cannot verify. We didn’t know then, until the thief started to use the Amex card in her purse and thus triggered the alert from the credit card company.
We were already very close to the Premium Outlet. And I started to call Amex shortly after I get there. To make the card is marked as lost, and also found out two pending transactions at QT. Those 2 transactions will be disputed. After we talked more, it appears someone took S8’s wallet from the girls (kiddos) locker room. S8 said the locker is not lockable. And because she put one of my airtags in her wallet, and I can see at one point the wallet location was at the City Gear (Gravois plaza, or City Gear, 3519 Bamberger Ave, St. Louis, MO 63116). I can even see the location of this person’s home (which I won’t post, I enabled the lost mode and the last location seems to be at someone’s home, at 7:08 pm), as well as QT location (which can be seen from the Amex website from the pending transaction).
A while later after we got home, we found there is even a text message with a time of 7:25 PM saying “I found your wallet” on S8’s phone (she left a number on the wallet).
After some discussions, we decided not to reply back to that text.
This whole episode seems added some excitement to an otherwise uneventful Saturday evening.
I recall when I was in college, my wallet was picked by a thief when I was at a crowded bus (I realized quickly after I got off the bus), another time my drawer in the dorm got broken into and money was lost. In the US, I recall when I was a graduate student, once I lost a digital camera which I left in my office.
I guess this can turn into a good lesson in safety and security (privacy) for our older daughter as the material loss is fairly small.
Peace of Mind
A side note of all this is the Amex and Apple AirTags seem both gave us peace of mind, they provided more transparency than a traditional wallet loss (such as my loss when I was in college in Wuhan). At the same time, I don’t too much curiosity is a good thing. || (update 08-21-2023) it appears the two fraudulent transactions at QT got posted, I opened dispute in the Amex website.
PS– be vigilant: I recall when I was working for the credit card company, on the loyalty and rewards platform, I was tasked to investigate the “fraudulent redemptions for airline tickets and hotel reservations”. It appears the thief (or thieves) got hold of the victim’s personal email and password: the same email and password are used in the rewards redemption website which was operated by the credit card co. Let’s just say the email provider is Yahoo. So from the victim’s point of view, it’s really not a good security practice. At the time though, it was also the 1st time I encountered a sophisticated thief like that and I started to doubt the “evilness” of some criminals. My daughter is 13 and was more thinking about the “goodness” of the people, e.g., she would try to find an excuse why someone would steal her wallet (maybe someone needs the money for food). I don’t know, I would not say she was “woke”. But at the same time, I think we should all be vigilant.
PS 2: handle of loss. 旧的不去，新的不来 (Out with the old, in with the new)。I understand many people want things back, and my daughter is no exception. Recently I started to realized and reconfirm sometimes we just have too much junk (which I discussed below). As a parent I am certainly quite protective of my kids’ feeling got hurt etc. But again we live in a real world. And this sort of thing does happen.
(Picture above Hilary Hahn, who plays the violin for Suzuki book 1; the piano was played by Natalie Chen)
(Update 12-14-2023) I realized my daughter’s violin teacher also knows how best to keep the kids engaged and interested. Couple things: 1) The practice sheet, he has a worksheet which looks like a printed out Excel spreadsheet and kids feel accomplishment after completing each task. He also plans to do a pizza party for the “most continuously practice” for celebrations. 2) Along similar lines, I saw during group class, yesterday it was probably holiday themed, he gave out candies for small quiz or games, or challenges.
(Original) My younger one started the Suzuki violin lesson recently. I heard about the Suzuki violin lesson a long time ago (more than 10 years ago), when my older one was little. But we didn’t pick violin lessons for her. Like many Chinese parents, we picked piano lessons. We started piano lessons for our younger one a few years ago as well, and kept it through the pandemic (for the most part, the main exception is the shutdown period between March 2020 and May 2020).
Choose the Right Teacher
I picked the violin teacher after doing some research. Mainly following friends and my own gut feeling. Now looking back I feel I am a bit lucky: I think this Suzuki method is probably the way to go here. Note this is the 1st Suzuki violin book – Suzuki Violin School, Vol 1: Violin Part. The book no longer has an attached CD, I believe. So I went to the Apple iTunes store to get the music and searching “Suzuki violin book 1” seems to bring me the wrong music for the book. It brings up Takako Nishizaki’s Suzuki Evergreens and you bet I bought it. It took me to a while to find out the one album matching the book (again it should look something like the photo at the top).
Our younger daughter recently passed the twinkle test. It’s the first level of the test, I would not discount it though. The teacher said the average time to pass it is a bit over one year (I should add the average kid’s age to start violin lesson is probably much younger than our 9 year old too). The start age for kids to learn something is interesting. I think in general, it gets easier for a kid to learn something when he/she gets older, another good example is swimming. But at the same time, if we start something on a kid too late, most likely he/she will do okay but not able to complete in today’s competitive world – that’s the dilemma. I know some kids who have potential to play soccer in college or in the national team down the road, and they worked real hard from a very young age, and the parents are shuttling them to practice/games like a full time job. Similar for mind sports such as Chess. So in other words, we should not just looked at how well a kid did on something, we also should look at how many miles the parent put on her car, or his frequent flyer miles 🙂
Back to the topic: the violin lesson. As I was the parent who drove her to class, as well as help her practice in the early days. I do the bow for her as she was not ready to use the bow yet (the teacher doesn’t want her to build bad habit). She is on her 2nd and 3rd song now. The music (violin) thing seems hard to me for two reasons:
The master of the music, reading notes etc.
The coordination and movement of two hands, in the case of violin, one hand (fingers) need to move and push down the strings, while the other one does the bow. The “bow” part is actually hard, as it was not natural, as I saw from one YouTube video a while ago. Took a while for Sophia to get familiar to it.
To overcome this, I think her violin teacher did a few things right.
He has a spreadsheet-like worksheet for the kid, this way the kid could mark every day’s practice. Talking about the organization.
Rigors with a sense of humor. I think most American-born kids or parents in America can sympathize, maybe I can extrapolate it to the world too, basically, nobody would like to be criticized. In the piano teachers/kids community, I heard horrendous stories such as the teacher would scold the parents if the kids didn’t do the work or practice.
Group lessons and encouragement to the kids to participate in an ensemble (namely, the SE and higher at CMS at Webster U). We just started the group lesson. I think this will be quite helpful as kids like to learn in a social environment too.
Use of computer and modern tech. I think the teacher is probably about 70 years old. He was previously a music teacher at Kirkwood and a violin teacher at CMS (Webster U). He does email communication, word doc, Zoom etc. very well – which is probably standout among his peers. He also encourages me to take video on iPhone for Sophia to learn at home, for music and posture, and hand (finger) gesture.
Violin Kids
In our school district the kids have the options to learn violin at 4th grade. I understand some other school districts offer that too. Our main motivation for Sophia is to have some confidence when the violin lesson starts this school year, and she may have a bit “1st mover advantage”. I know at least one other kid at her grade does violin too (already). Again this is mostly help our younger daughter to find her niche (or calling), something she can feel good about (after doing some work). We have absolutely no expectation for her to play professionally down the road. We respect all the professional musicians. But we know that’s not easy and it’s not for everyone. In fact, the step daughter of Sophia’s teacher is a pro, and she plays for SLSO. The teacher said she played 4 hours a day when she was young, and we saw her video when she was 8 and she looked already like a pro (being 8 years old).
Learning music in general (kids version)
We started piano lesson for our older daughter when she was in kindergarten (she was 5 and a half). She had a pretty rigorous teacher to start. After a while, things became harder for her and she kinda slacked off. And we also stepped back too as we don’t want to be berated by the teacher when our daughter didn’t do her work. Later we switch her to an easier piano teacher. She did other things such as SLCCSing (St. Louis Children’s Choirs), from 1st grade until 7th. This coming year we planned to have her take a break on choir. She started percussion 2 years ago when she was in the 6th grade (middle school), and we will continue her on that. She seems like music in general, as a hobby and a relaxation tool. She sings and occasionally plays ukuleles at home, and sometimes plays piano too now that she doesn’t have piano lessons (more or more willingly compared to the days she has the piano lessons). She doesn’t have plan to major in music so far, but may consider it as a minor in college. She is not talented in piano as some other Chinese kids. She only won one medal from piano (the sonatina thing when she was 6 or 7, at the Lindenwood U).
For our younger daughter we were more laid back, also due to the pandemic, we started her on piano with the “nicer” teacher. And she did the chorus at her school in last school year. And in this April we started her on violin. We hope she can continue this path (a bit like her big sister does percussion for now).
Again like many parents here, we like our kids to learn music (reading notes etc.) as well as mastering one instrument. I understand for percussion, this is a bit hard to identify a particular instrument, marimba is a common one, but drums are also common.
Also, last but not least, a while ago I heard playing piano (maybe easier to start than violin for older people), could have potential benefit of prevent dementia, so that’s something I need to get more serious about.
PS: again please note I am not doing any victory lap here. I am just sharing what I know (and don’t know). And I welcome any feedback, comments or questions.
Island Way Sorbet (actually my younger one probably found this online, not sure if it’s YT shorts or somewhere else). Now I have to wait patiently for this in Spring /Summer season.
KOOSHY CROUTONS (I only bought it once, and my older daughter asked can we get it again)
(Original) I found this one Costco potato corn dog (Eat With Emily post; The Daily Meal post) at my my local Costco (U city), after seeing it from a friend. I made a small mistake when cooking it at 1st try, I put it along side with the Hamburger on the outdoor gas stove (for BBQ), which kinda burned it. Later I tried microwave, which works better. I think we probably only need 1.5 mins to 3 mins via microwave oven. Note the inside is cheese, or to be more specific, the mozzarella Cheese.
Another one is the cheese crips. I think at the local store it’s about $9 a pack. Not as expensive as shown in the online store. I found it at other grocery store too, but it’s more expensive than Costco.
Last but not least, Costco Shoyu Ramen with chicken – Frozen Ramen Bowls. It looks like 5 out of 6 bowls are gone since I bought them yesterday 🙂 One thing is we used regular microwave friendly bowls for warming / heating it up. I joked with my wife it probably would cost $7 or $8 in a restaurant.
PS: I noticed in last 6 months or so, Costco likes to move its merchandize around, mostly to create a “treasure hunt” feeling for the shoppers 🙂 This is applicable to some of the hot or seasonal items too.
Below was written over a few days. Personal story. Hopefully could be useful for people in the USA. As one of my previous colleagues said: the best is to avoid the hospital, but if we do go, it’s important to have the healthcare insurance 🙂
Today (7/01) I spent almost full day at the total access urgent care center (TAUC). I am not complaining but rather quite appreciative of how things came about. Yesterday (06/30/2023) we had a storm here and I did a dumb thing looking back: remember hindsight is always 20/20. I climbed up the ladder shortly after the storm with the intension of removing a few big tree branches on the roof. But things didn’t work as I hoped: I fell from the ladder, back down 1st and totally unexpected. Btw, here are some safety tips re: using ladders, and this one too. And I talked to my colleague about it later, who has medic and safety experience. Reflecting back the loose foundation (with mulches etc.) is also a contributing factor of the fall of ladder.
I didn’t feel too bad in the immediate aftermath, but things turned worse over the night as I found I had blood in my urine. It was about 9 or 10 pm and I didn’t think it’s a good idea to hang out at a hospital emergency room. So I tried to tough it out until 8 am this morning when the urgent care places opens. Note the main reason not going to the hospital emergency room (ER) is the ER usually tries to help the most in needed, those were seriously hurt etc., and I don’t think I am in that category.
But why I still spend almost a full day? I think the short answer is they have many patients that are in similar situation as me. Also my case is a bit more complicated because the doctor wants to do a CT scan on my neck as well as my abdomen with contrast. There is X-ray in the 1st TAUC place I went (Creve Coeur), but for CT scan I need to go to another TAUC place which is about 20 minutes drive (Chesterfield). Note this is my 2nd CT scan in the US. My first one was documented here. This time I got more scans than last time, I think I got both the regular scan as well as contrast scan. And I got the GE CT machine instead of the Siemens machine last time (year 2015).
I think TAUC started to pop up in last 10 years or so in the St. Louis area, with the booming of the urgent care in the US in general. They are not the 1st urgent care place in the area (Creve Coeur to be specific). That honor goes to St. Lukes. But St. Lukes has one disadvantages, they usually have two bills (one from the urgent care, another one from the provider). TAUC only has one consolidated bill. I think TAUC bill is also usually cheaper. For example, yesterday (7/01) I went to the Creve Coeur location 1st. I know from past experience, that I need to queue up online 1st. So I did. I waited at the Bread Co. at Old Olive road. At about 9 am, I saw I am at spot 3, and the restaurant is getting busy, so I went to the clinic.
Tests, lots of them
Typical treatment flow of urgent care goes like this: check in at front desk (may or may not fill out paperwork, or may need to make some payment from last visit, become more rare as more payments are done online nowadays). Go to the treatment room, and wait for the nurse. Nurse come in the take vitals. The provider (a doctor, nurse practitioner, or a physician assistant PD) will come in and ask questions. In my case I talked about what happened, and the aftermath. The doctor will order some tests. Actually I think my urine sample was taken before doctor even come in. And the doctor checked my back etc. and ordered both X-ray for back and legs, as well as CT Scan for the neck and the abdomen. While the X-ray technician started to work on my X-ray, I realized I have some minor pain on head too, so they (the doc and technician) did the head X-ray as well. After that they did some blood draw as well as the prep for IV for the contrast CT scan (basically leave a cap in my elbow area). I was ready to move on at about 12:15 pm at the Creve Coeur location. Thought about ordering McDonald’s but the text message came quickly asking me to go the the new TAUC location, and I realized I have something in my elbow too. So I started going there.
At the new location, I got the vitals again (before leave, the CC location did the vital for me again to make sure, and I realized the med tech/assistant is a Wash U student), and the IV which is just saline. I did the CT there, which is more complicated than last time, mainly because of the contrast scan. I closed my eyes during testing. I recall in my recent China (refer to my recent visit, this one and that one ) trip I realized they do way more CT than they are doing here, and some elders don’t like hold breath etc. and my mom didn’t like some of the tests either.
Waiting
After done the CT, as well as finishing up the IV (again saline). I was mostly in the waiting mode. I noticed in the new location, the TV is not on. I managed to plug in the power adapter for the receiver and was able to watch some TV. At one point I was restless, so I went to the car and get water as well as the portable battery to charge my iPhone, as the iPhone battery was low after I used it for a while. At about 3:30 pm or so, I got the call from the provider and he explained the things to me, and ready to let me go home. I got the call when I was in the restroom taking the call from my Apple Watch (I left the phone in the treatment room). I think I started to order McDonald’s via the app as well. The main thing at the time was to remove the cap on my elbow, and receive the discharge instructions. They did the vitals once again as well.
At about 4:15 pm, I was finally ready to go. And I went to the McDonald’s right away.
PS: on Saturday night when I 1st saw blood in my urine (which is probably the 1st time in my almost 52-year-old life), I was unsettled. Today (07-04-2023) I think about the life insurance I bought in the year 2012, which is a 15-year term life for $500,000 coverage. And today I realized 500k in the year 2012 is probably 250k in today’s dollars. Inflation is another tailwind for the insurance companies, in addition to the benefits of float (they didn’t have to pay out all the claims because people didn’t all die, or claimable accidents didn’t all happen at once). So basically they can invest the float (the income from premiums) money for a long time. Today I went to skating too, and I think I may not need to see a urologist that urgently for now.
PS 2: I found out my elbow has some residue pain from the IV, refer to this. It seems “Once the tube has been placed, the IV site shouldn’t hurt, sting, or burn. When the IV procedure is completed, some swelling and bruising at the site are common and not cause for concern. Most IV sites heal quickly in a few days.” I think I am starting to fear if I got this IV thing when I get older. And it seems to me the pain is there when I visited my mom recently in hospital in China. This seems like something comes with the modern medicine (note IV is used much more in China than there). Before my recent visit to urgent care, I recall I did this only once when I had fever (and maybe cough) a few years before pandemic. I recall the nurse put in some steroids to help me (make me more comfortable).
I was not aware or conscious of the famous Chinese singer Liang Jingru’s age until a few days ago. Note 梁静茹 Sometimes the fans call her Fish Leong. I think Leong is the last name 梁 in her native Malaysia: her ancestor is from China’s Guangdong province and I assume they all speak Cantonese.
The reason for my interest to learn her age was this short video clip tweet; here is a longer and mostly complete version on YouTube and some controversy around it (Sina in Chinese 新浪中文). Btw, the song here is 分手快樂 (YouTube link here). I think you should be able to find out on other platforms easily as this is one of her most famous songs, and Leong is probably one of the best Chinese female singers in her generation.
The controversy is about her gaining some weight in the last few years. Note she is 45 years old. Last few years due to the pandemic, many people stayed at home more and didn’t pay attention to snacking habits, or exercise, and they gained weight that way. Perhaps, age is a big factor too. I recall about 12 years ago when I was 40, one day I hiked with my friend at the Powder Valley trail, and I saw myself in a t-shirt, and suddenly I realized I gained quite a bit of weight in the last few years. Aging and gain weight is quite common due to the change of metabolism and not adapting the food/drink intake at the same time.
I recall in the summer of 2016, when I encountered one of my college classmates after about 23 years, he couldn’t recognize me due to my weight gain and aging over the years.
At the same time though, there is absolutely no need to comment on other people’s weight, especially in a not-so-friendly way. Because we will all age, some age faster, some a bit slower. Weight is a much more personal thing. Some people will gain weight more easily, and vice versa. It’s important to be vigilant because weight gain in a short period of time could mean something health-wise, and we know health is one of the most important things.
There is another subtle meaning that comes with this controversy: that is the perception of aged women are less worthy. Interestingly, Michelle Yeoh, who is also a Malaysia-born Chinese, recently talked about it. I would talk about “aging gracefully” in another post, as this is another big topic.
PS: not to 蹭热度 (cloud chasing) I felt this youtube video explained a similar situation regarding “what can be said in a joke” or whether something is “pushing the envelop” too far. Yes I had to admit that I agree with the “hot lady” there (did I push the envelop too far here? I will remove the hot if most ladies think so 🙂
PS 2: not about sexism (guys, never comment on ladies / girls appearance, vice versa for girls). It’s about ageism. I understand in Chinese there is this saying 徐娘半老 – not a complements I believe. Until recently to be precise it was during my recent China trip, in the Shanghai subway I realized I am probably the older part of the passengers in the train. So God forbid, if somethings happens in the train, I should lead, or give the opportunity of life to other younger folks 🙂 Last but not least, I created a YT playlist for her live performances in last few years. Please note to singing a few hours non-step or with little stops are not easy. Not everything is Taylor Swift.
