我的小女儿经常说的一个口头禅是如上的标题。这个好像也是my better half （aka 也就是我太太)有时头疼的一个问题。我觉得吃或者饥饿也是人的本性之一吧。我自己总的来说应该是没有因为经济的原因，在小时候饿过肚子。我太太应该也没有（她也是浙江人）。有一次我闯了一个不大不小的祸：小朋友玩捉迷藏，我好像躲在那个油菜的杆子后面，后来那家人说他们那个还有菜籽（可以榨油的那种油菜籽，canola oil), 我爸爸妈妈可能陪了他们五毛钱(no pun intended, for real)。那个时候我爸爸的月工资大概是50块钱，也就是我的错误大概是我爸爸月收入的1%。比我十三岁女儿最近的iPhone事故稍好些。那天晚饭我不敢回家吃饭，后来我的哥哥把我叫回去了。一般来说，再大的事不影响吃饭。那时候还有一个大人经常用来吓唬小孩的故事：浪费粮食，打雷的时候雷公会打的。后来在美国，我的美国host mom(她四八年生人，我不是住在他们家，但是他们对我刚来美国有很大帮助，以后会单独写），她的妈妈在她们小时候经常说：finish what’s on your plate, because in China and India a lot of pepiple are staving. 让我又想到小时候的台湾人民生活在水深火热之中，后来在美国碰到台湾人，好像他们也这么说。
很多年以后，严格来说也就是在我年过半百的时候，我才慢慢意识到，在我现在这个年龄，吃饭最好最好吃个7️⃣分饱。亡羊补牢为时不晚。Better late than never.
小时候，好像总的来说，肉比较少，有时候好像要凭票。牛肉更少，好像生产队偶尔会分牛肉：我印像中一般可能是耕牛（干活的牛）可能老死了。顺便说一下，我骑过一次牛，我应该很小，还没上学，我的叔叔给生产队放牛（不是亲叔叔，但是比较近）把我放在牛背上，感觉牛背很高（多年以后我后来在美国骑过一会马，感觉有点类似）。公公（叔叔的爸爸）很能干，我现在还记得在他家吃的高粱饼的味道。我们那里一般大家不怎么种高粱，印像中高粱主要是北方种得多一些。偶尔我们也会到邻居阿嫂家蹭东西吃：比如寒假暑假里，我们爸爸妈妈要上班，阿嫂做得东西很好吃。当然，可能还有一个原因，就是跟”neighbor’s yard is greener” 类似的道理。有一次，还听说一个笑话。事情是这样的：有一家在做“汤锅”，就是没有馅的小圆子，另一家正好经过，就开玩笑说等一下做好了，就来吃晚饭吧。主人就说好的。我估计这个客人的智商可能跟我小时候的智商差不多，因为她们后来真的穿着漂亮衣服，去吃晚饭了。
为什么提到我的智商呢，其实严格来说应该是情商，就是察言观色的水平，英文叫read the room, or read/listen between the lines。就是有一次，我大概是我小女儿现在的年纪，春节期间去我爸的亲戚家做客，他的表哥家，我爸的姨娘（也就是我奶奶的姐姐）也在，他们拿出了所有的好菜。结果，我可能把我姨婆/大伯家的黄鱼给撬了。后来知道有的菜主人可能就一份，不能随便撬的 🙁 我的大哥小哥可能把我好好笑话了一下。我记得这是我去唯一一次去大伯家做客。我爸爸可能后来有去的：我倒不是觉得是因为我撬了不该撬的菜。我估计主要还是春节期间我们一般会去外婆（小舅家）住几天。也有去过外婆家旁边的姑婆家：应该是我妈妈/舅舅的姑妈，和我妈妈的表哥家。我记得有一次（我应该比我小女儿现在还小），我在公共汽车站，说口渴，我外婆就走到相对较近的姑婆家给我去倒了水喝。小时候去外婆家，坐车，走路都有。我小时候有时会觉得，如果我“聪明”一点（用现在流行的话来说情商高一点），我的肩膀上可能跟两个哥哥一样是三条杠（而不是两条了）。这个可能在现在看来很好笑，但当时是我真实的想法。我后来有一次还真的拿到了三条杠，可惜时间不长，因为我五年级很快转学了：也就“削官为民” 🙂
在我的外婆家（也就是大舅，小舅家）没有这个不能撬菜的讲究。八零后九零后出生的朋友们可能会没听说过”拿出来装样子的菜“：生活水平后来慢慢上去了。还有一个，后来也是听朋友提起，就是重男轻女，女生先不上桌。这个可能现在也好多了。外婆可能还是重男轻女的，比如说她会让我的表妹（跟我同岁）帮我洗衣服，等等，但是总的来说还好。春节在我外婆家的主要任务就是吃吃吃。我现在想起来她有时会问我们，早上，coffee time (宁波话想不起来了), 中午，点心时（下午三点左右），晚上各吃什么。
西方最新减肥药（处方药）以下是我的一些推（或着严格来说是X）。肥胖是西方尤其是美国很严重的一个问题，有个数据说美国成年人有42%的人偏肥胖(Source: National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases NIDDK, NIH)。
(Update 12-31-2023) I happened to see this book “How Not To Be Wrong (the power of mathematical thinking)” by Jordan Ellenberg, thanks to my wife. On page 24, it talked about nicomachean ethics. Let me quote: Aristotle observes that eating too much or too little is troubling to the constitution. The optimum is somewhere in between; because the relation between eating and health isn’t linear, but curved, with bad outcomes on both ends.
My wife who started working for a localization company since this past April, for the most part she was happy. But recently she started to talk about this exact issue of her leader (more a tech lead or project lead, not necessarily a manager). This reminds me of my own experience of dealing with micro managers and micro management. It seems to me, in her case it was mostly her lead is fairly new to the position, and he listened to the client especially a guy who was on the team and has since moved to the client company as an employee. I can understand to some extent. If I was in his position (being new and would like to please the client), I may do some of what he did. Basically he wanted my wife vetting the “slacks messages” with him before posting them directly, also he made some changes to the messages and it seems to my wife he made it worse (I didn’t see the messages, so this could be a bit subjective to say the least). But I do know my wife is somewhat technical and she used to be testing engineer (quality assurance) and she does find bugs and sometimes would discuss those with me. For example, recently she saw a text in the web page (website) was wrong, and she asked whether that text is pulled from the backend (database etc.)
I don’t have a lot experience like this. But I can certainly empathize. I recall at a small contracting company I had a project lead like she has now. In that case I was let go eventually and I found a new place. Another case, at a coal mining company, my boss was also new, and he would like to make sure that I do the job properly especially in terms of the pace. So he started to do some Xcode (I was doing objective C development work for iPad). But he quickly realized that I was not goof around, and gave me a longer leash.
I have seen two micromanagers in my last job. I didn’t work for them, and I did work with them. One manager, and I think he is probably 20 years senior than me (I am pretty old). And I think he is just old fashioned manager. He would stand there, and use hand gesture to the people who report to him: you, come here. And once he had a fallout with one developer (which looking back, we should not hire, I will write about the interview later). Basically he won’t accept the developer’s code. Essentially he was saying that code is junk (which again may have some truth). But the way he communicated was blunt to say the least, and I had to step in and play a peace maker.
Another case, the new manager in another city called a Zoom meeting, and in the meeting essentially he sided with one developer, and fought against another two. Such a rookie new manager mistake. We had to calm the manager down, and told the manager it’s not the right forum for this. But if the manager can think, that’s not the right attitude to handle any workplace dispute either.
This also reminded me one more thing. That is how we micro manage our kids. We are not helicopter parents, as shown in the new Netflix movie No Hard Feelings. But I think my wife now realized she probably micro managed too much on the girls sometimes 🙂
Reading Time: 3minutesPenFed Credit Union is asking me to lobby the congress on rewards Credit Cards
Or rewards credit cards. Today I received an email from PenFed Credit Union and they are asking me to lobby the congress on rewards Credit Cards. I no longer have their credit cards, I used to have their reward cards, and earned quite a bit gift cards from them. Basically I redeemed the points for various gift cards.
Some background
On the Credit Card rewards, and the legislations to eliminate rewards Credit Card:
Honestly at this stage of my life I have got “free” iPhone from the credit card rewards, and I got free stay at the Park Hyatt at Shanghai Pudong. But I am ready to give up those perks for the common good. 1% cash back from discover debit sounds good enough for me (see below screenshot). I understand I may be a bit superficial in the sense, that I received quite a bit benefits from the credit card rewards and now I don’t care. I think I am not taking sides on this: it’s a good position to be. I do understand the impact of credit card fees on the smaller retailers. Here in St. Louis, we have a Chinese grocery store that used to accept only cash, and debit cards, somewhat like Aldi did until a few years ago. Grocers have quite low profit margin and the 2 or 3% credit card swiping fee (processing fee) is meaningful or significant for them.
Who wants the free cup from my new dental office, btw?
This is a free cup given to me by the new dental office – as a good well gesture I guess. But I really don’t need it. Recently I am in the mode of declutter, and hope to clean up the house a bit so that we have more real living space 🙂 In a way rewards credit card is the same thing, basically it encourages or nudges the cardholder to spend more, I heard one research is credit card users will in general spend 15% than the consumer who uses cash only. I noticed this cup is from a company I know (Ariel Premium Supply) and I know a few people working there. Compared to the credit card companies, Ariel makes not a lot of money, but I think Ariel is in the rewards business too.
Full disclosure: a few years ago I worked in the loyalty and rewards platform for a major Credit Card co. and once I spent 2 hours trying to give a Card Holder (CH) 13 cents worth of points.
Yesterday at a WeChat group, I wrote 昨天在一个微信群里我写到: 我（My LinkedIn Profile 我的领英链接）在美国工作23年迄今呆过十个庙。。。 话说完后我想起来十个庙，与多数码工相比，也真是不少了，平均2.3年（2年4个月）换一个工作。还好只是换工作😂
又想起在罗拉时，有一回是参加大公司招新的大学毕业生的介绍会（一般会有免费的比萨🍕饼，对我这样的穷学生来说诱惑力还可以）。有一次好像是听Honeywell公司的老总(possiably Michael Bonsignore)：你们这些年轻人（当时我还不是大叔），从大学毕业到退休，大概平均会有七个工作。这个与他们那一代人一辈子，大概三十四十年的打工生涯，大多为一家公司打工的情况大为不同。
是在学校找的。我当时是博士生，但是我感觉我的基础太差，最主要我当时很想出去工作了（我觉得做很多事兴趣还是相当重要的）。2000年，正好也是美国纳斯达克的最高点 （“The dot-com bubble burst in March 2000, with the technology heavy NASDAQ Composite index peaking at 5,048.62 on March 10 (5,132.52 intraday), more than double its value just a year before. By 2001, the bubble’s deflation was running full speed.”），我记得我在3月20日面试一家软件公司，并拿到Offer。我记得大概是1999年夏天，学校有不少研究生同学在圣路易斯找到软件开发的工作。记得九九年时的起步年薪大概是五万美元（或稍多一些）。我2000年三月开了五万五，老板挺爽快，给了我五万六。一方面是中大型软件公司，另一方面当时市场也不错。十年以后，我发现在圣村，软件工程师起步的薪水大概是六万的样子。当然2000年到2010年美国的通胀不算严重。
读音乐专业后来成为高级码工的人我见过一个，在2000年秋天在罗拉的UMSL extension 一起上过面向对象的设计课程的一个美国人。面向对象是什么其实不是那么重要。你就把它当成2000年的dot com frenzy (internet bubbles), 或者相当于现在的AI, chatgpt 就可以了。那些新的东西是有用的。但是同时我们必须认识到good old human intelligence, good old 4th grade math are probably more useful and long lasting. 说到那个音乐系的哥们，他后来是村里还不错的咨询公司的Principal Software Engineer. 记得他当时开个宝马三系，还有点拉风的- 基本上相当于现在的特斯拉(3/Y系)吧。我当时开的是91年丰田卡罗拉的手动。我自己是罗拉机械工程硕士，在读研期间上了几门计算机课。我在国内自学过一些计算机，考过国内计算机程序员水平考试（复旦大学负责主办的）。但是我的编程水平真正提高应该是我的第一个东家。
我昨天在油管上看到一个华人小老弟的一个关于找码工工作的视频，觉得不错，先放在这里。还有这一个，好像是亚裔的小妹（HOW I BECAME A SOFTWARE ENGINEER | no CS Degree, career change + advice. I agree with her on the part that money is not everything, which is pretty relevant for me at this time of my career. I guess it’s harder to say for her at her stage of career as she just got started, nonetheless it’s even more impressive when I think about it.）。 这两个视频都是英文。正好可以练一下英文，至少在我所在的美国中西部，面试一般还是英文。Btw, I found Travis Media has this video on interview and job search that’s very good.
Career Ladder
Title for (application or software) programmer or 码工，software engineer, application or software developer. Or just a coder at informal settings. 我可能以后会讲一下升职和常见的career ladder. 比如说奈飞的L5 是相当于谷歌的L多少。我想我们华人除了比小孩爬藤以外，在硅谷的华人码工不少会在意这个级别，因为级别与工资奖金💰是挂钩的。当然我现在的观点，钱不是最重要的因素，但是多刚刚起步的码工来说，一般因为家庭和职业的原题，这个还是比较看重的。我印象中有些老板也同意或说过类似的说法。
People who have impact on my career (not a complete list yet)
Reading Time: 3minutes杏花楼广式月饼 and 稻香村苏式月饼 from 亚米网
And eat some moon cakes. I just realized I wrote something about mid autumn festival way back in year 2007. I believe I was in Shanghai when I wrote this, and it was after we had honeymoon in San’ya, Hainan, China.
Time flies. Now we have 2 kids, and I don’t see any special mid-autumn festival logos on Baidu or Google home pages. But I saw one at Google Vietnam page. I did see this (浓情迎中秋) at Baidu 热搜。
For me this year, I bought some 杏花楼广式月饼 and 稻香村苏式月饼 from 亚米网 (yamibuy.com). We bought moon cakes at Costco in the past: not a big fan of those。我们以前经常在百利买加州的生计月饼（Sheng Kee bakery，我记得去过一次她家的Milpitas 分店. As the name suggests, this is a Hong Kong/Cantonese style, and I visited their bakery at Milpitas CA once many years ago）。今年百利可能卖完了，好像没看到生计月饼。
Local Bakeries in the STL area
I think when I was new to the US and studied at Rolla. The fresh baked mooncakes at the WeiHong Bakery (味香饼家) was a treat. Now it seems there are other choices (not mooncake), such as The Foundry Bakery: and recently I added it to my Authentic Asian Food In The STL Area post. I just heard from an Indian friend that their Naisu Milk Bun 奶酥面包 is fantastic. Before pandemic I go to a Korean bakery near Olive and 141 once a while too. Last but not least, the La Boone Bouche at Olive and Tempo drive is so busy nowadays.
A meme on mooncake
The Mooncakes Cometh!
(Who knew the alien invasion would start this way?)
Baidu Zhidao: 上海面包店有哪些牌子 Note many bakeries in Shanghai makes and sells mooncakes (a mostly seasonal item). Below are the list.
克莉丝汀 – I remember once I got 美式咖啡 from there, there are quite a lot Christen’s Bakeries in Shanghai. About 10 years ago, I found when I visit China, it’s hard to get black coffee (not instant coffee). I am a coffee drinker, and I found the places that I can always get good or decent American black coffee (pot coffee, basically we make them via grounded coffee at many American homes), is McDonald’s and Starbucks (not many small cities have McDonald’s and Starbucks). And add the Christen’s Bakery in Shanghai too.
静安面包房
85度C: this is a chain started in Taiwan. I recall visited their store in one of those places (Lan’xi or Quan’zhou). They are in California too.
苹果园
香特莉
季诺
可颂坊 (the link is their mobile website): I recall seen or being there before 1997. Baike 百度百科 link here.
元祖 (Wikipedia): another chain started in Taiwan. I went there once, and it surprised me that their products are quite expensive.
Last but not least, a bit explanation on the Mid Autumn Festival on Wikipedia. Since I left home for college, I rarely had opportunity to be back to my parents home on those holidays, though. Again 2007 was probably one of the years that I was in China for the holiday. For that matter, it’s the only year since 1998 that I spent significant amount of time in Shanghai (and China), and I wrote quite a bit on my observations on my blog. This is just one example.
Sorry for the long subject or title for this blog post. Next time I will try to be more concise 🙂
I just found a way to turn off the Lane Departure Alert feature on my 2020 Camry, thanks to famous mechanic and YouTuber Scott Kilmer: refer to his video “3 New Vehicles You Should Buy” at the 8’50” mark. The work around is turn on the left turn signal. This is handy when I had to dodge (or make room) for the bike that is on the right side of the road: in a two lane situation. But another thing to keep in mind, this is almost like passing a vehicle in a two lane road, and we need to make sure we don’t collide with the incoming traffic. I recall once near the Yellow Stone north exit, I got into this scary situation.
Over last week or two I realized that the driver side sliding door no longer open, even in the manual mode. I vaguely recall in the past, if I cannot open automatically, the manual mode usually still works. And this time it seems there is a block there. I looked around the YouTube, and found axllebeer has a video Toyota Sienna 2014 driver side sliding door malfunctioning. Incidentally a while ago I was thinking about how to fix the gap cap hinge. And there was a YouTube video on how to fix it too.
All 3 above are fairly simple one cause – one issue type of problem.
Last but not least, I did the larger maintenance item for Sienna at the 125 k mark recently: oil change, coolant and transmission fluid change, engine spark plugs, tire 🛞 rotation and a minor cable repair (rodent or squirrel 🐿️ caused). Regarding the oil change (change at every 5 k or 10 k miles), and transmission fluid, I slowly converted into the “TheCarCareNut” and Mr. Kilmer’s camp: that is change oil at every 5 k, also change the transmission fluid when applicable. There is no life time transmission fluid (there was a joking comment under Mr. Kilmer’s video).
This was actually the second dental office I visited in the US, it’s at Bridgeton near the #STL airport. The 1st one was near the apartment I was living at the time (River Des Peres and Chippewa Street, year 2004 or early year 2005). But the hygienist was quite judgmental to my dental hygiene or overall dental health. See, I came from China and we didn’t have proper dental care when I grew up. Also, I probably had too much candy (and sugar) when I grew up, and didn’t brush teeth properly. I did go to hospital (or dental office) at Chuan’shan (Ningbo, my hometown) a few times, to pull out the baby teeth or to fix some issues.
I am changing my dentist and the dental office I went to probably since year 2005. I have seen a few dentists in that office, but since this year, it seems they cannot get hygienist (this seems related to the labor shortage post pandemic, as explained here, and here. Btw, both articles are interesting to me.), also the dentist I was seeing in last few years is retiring. And last but not least, it seems the ownership (and the office name) changed as well. I still tried to call them twice in last few weeks, but they never returned my phone. And I think it’s time for a change.
I did my 1st root canal in the dental office I visited for long time here in the US. I did twice (the second time was at the recommendation of my dentist). I also saw a periodontist in last 2 years (again at recommendation of my dentist): I talked about this last year. It was basically a deep scaling.
Today I found a new dentist and dental office. It’s more close to where I live. And I saw them when I visited the St. Louis Kolache next door. And my 1st experience was good too. It just happened the hygienist and I both know a couple (my former colleagues).
(Update 11-03-2025) Come across this Chinese blog post 被裁员是祸是福 -没准是柳岸花明又一村 and I agree. In English it’s called blessings disguised as curse 🙂
(Original) A touchy topic. I have been in the tech industry for almost 23 years, and I have seen my share of the layoffs. I saw the layoff very early in my career, and the most recent ones in last year or so amid the big tech post pandemic layoffs.
Layoffs are usually not pleasant. But putting emotions aside, I recall an older wise gentleman once told me: it’s not necessarily a bad thing, as it gives an opportunity for someone to look beyond the daily grinding, to reflect, to pivot or reposition and hopefully find something better or more suitable for someone (not exactly words, here someone is actually yours truly back in the early 2019).
Also sometimes the old timers (the good old employers) will ask in the employment history section during a job app: have you ever being involuntarily terminated from an employer? While I am not a lawyer (my wife is), but my legal advice here is: this is somewhat like the situation when I was in the US Consulate in Shanghai back in 1997, when the visa officer asked: what’s your plan after the graduate school? One thing I was 100% sure is: I was not going to say that I planned to stay in the US for good 🙂 I think an honest answer then is probably “I don’t know” or “I am not sure”. Remember in 1997 although the Hong Kong was returning to China, at the time the US was still way ahead of China, with the exception of the Chinese food here. There were a lots more economy developments in China compared to the US since then.
Two traumatic layoffs that left me impression
It was Oct 11, 2001, a month after the Sept 11, 2001. We knew the layoff is coming, after our company bought a rival company. The day came and it was not the 1st time I saw layoff, I think I saw a smaller layoff shortly after I joined the company in fall 2000. But Oct 11, 2021 is probably by far the worst in my career, we had 3 coworkers being let go on that morning. I worked closely with one of them, and the coworker cried or sobbed when the news broke. Her husband also worked at our team. Later the department manager rallied or tried to console the people who being left (we had about 30+ people, mostly devs). And we also learned the overlapping dev team at the acquired company were all let go. I recall there were quite a few ethnic Chinese people, who probably had similar background with me, but they may have came to the US a few years earlier than me. A side note amid all this is a QA engineer (test engineer) was laid off, and a few weeks ago during a townhall he asked question to the CEO about layoff 🙁 That day the company laid off about 18% of the people, and that’s probably 1,300 people.
Another case, while at the Mercy Health, we also knew the layoff was coming. And this time around we lost our QA engineer again (see the pattern here?), as well as an old engineer who cried / sobbed quite loud. I vowed to myself: never put myself into this kind of position when I reach his age (which is getting closer and closer, btw 🙂
My own share of layoffs
I had experienced 2 layoffs myself so far. Both times I was a bit surprised. But I think the second time it worked out for me better as my severance package is better, also due to the timing, it helped us bought our single family house at the right time before pandemic in summer 2019 (so here is another side benefit in addition to the career pivot).
The 1st time it was a bit sour taste. But I was not totally caught off guard either. I know one or two project leaders (they are more like team lead, not managers) didn’t like me. And I couldn’t do much to change the situation (the dynamics). The layoff came, the admin assistant was really nice actually. Looking back I think she is one of the few people who probably knew a few days in advance. I calmed down and negotiated a calm exit before my China trip then (year 2011, I had to email recruiters when I was in China, which is not ideal). I got a contractor position quickly after I came back from China. In this particular case, I actually learned that individual who said bad things about me before my manager(s) once got into a fist fight with another coworker there. I think looking from another angle, avoid toxic people at work place is a good idea 🙂 I do recall the evening in which I just lost my job, and I went to the Bread Co, thinking I would probably spend say $15 off my $40k savings: I may have seen a friend there, but I forgot exact who etc. I did couple interviews before the China trip, and no offer before my flight 🙁
Technically there was another case that I was laid off, in Nov 2013, very briefly. My contract job ended and they gave me 2 weeks notice via my recruiter. And I recall I saw a “Lord’s Prayer” in the weekend I learned the news, while at a friend’ friend home attending the 1st friend’ baby shower. That “layoff” left me a sour taste as well. But luckily I was interviewing before this and was able to quickly secure a new job offer in a few days.
Strategies
I think the most important thing to remember is never assume your job is there tomorrow. Because we have very little control. CEOs came and go, and little guys (or girls) like us can be let go really at any time. Never assume your work is so important that your boss or your company will keep you forever.
Along those lines, make sure you have the urgent savings account, which should at least cover 6 month of living cost: thinking mortgage / rent, grocery, gas, car payment (if applicable), and health insurance (remember if you pay out of your own pocket, it will not be cheap, as companies usually subsidize some cost aa a part of the benefit). This part is important because it gives you a peace of mind when you got the layoff. Note not every company offers generous severance package. The money you have will also help you have some breeze room when looking for new jobs.
Also get prepared. Always get your resume or LinkedIn profile updated. Test the market once a while. For coders (programmers, developers, software engineers), make sure you do some coding every day / week etc., don’t just sit there and do nothing. Learn something new if there is not much coding work. Nowadays there are so many online free resources for one to learn. In face, in terms of job market, for developers (software development engineers), the job market is usually pretty good. So as long as the developer knows something and can contribute, he/she usually won’t be in the job market for too long. I cannot say that for other positions in the IT job market, e.g., recruiter jobs are very much business (econ) cycle, so there is this famine and feast kind of situation. Similar can be said for the Quality Assurance (test engineer) and manager positions. I saw a director at the credit card got laid off, initially that individual worked for a contractor position as project manager, until eventually going back to similar position as before: took couple years.
But again here we need to be mindful that we are the ones who are responsible for our own careers: e.g., there is a manager position opening up at a software company or an IT shop, and someone hinted that you jumping at the opportunity. Remember what I just said: in terms of the job opportunities disparity between devs and managers, or architects for that matter. At one time of my career, I did become an architect as well, but I decided that was not for me longer term. I like to be closer to the coding.
Tips
Remember try not to be emotional. Also you are entitled to ask “why the layoff on me”? Although the answer is usually “the position is eliminated” or something similar. Remember the employer usually has better resources in terms of legal expertise or lawyered-up. In reality just like in the situation of “being dumped by your significant other”, there is usually signs or legit reasons whey it happened. Ideally you should know and not be caught totally off guard. And hopefully you were waiting for the severance package. For that my advice is not to sign anything on the spot. Just like an offer letter, you may want to bring it home, cool down, talk to someone, before signing anything official.
Also sometimes looking back the writing is on the wall or the hints are usually there. Like the two traumatic (large) layoffs I mentioned above. Get prepared before the actual layoff happens (again refer to the strategies above). No need to overly worry about the look the admin assistant gave you though, just be prepared when you work for someone or a company, you know in the USA the employment is at-will: meaning people can let you know anytime. This is quite different from the families. And don’t got tricked into thinking company’s sometimes misleading “we are families” kind of talk. We are in a employee / employer relationship, for now. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.
Last but not least, don’t use your company device for anything that’s in your private life. An example, your kids pictures, your family pictures, if you have company iPhone, try not to use it for those sort of things. And if you do, as a minimum try to make copies and delete the pictures on the phone before turning it in. You know the iPhone has settings that allow you to do that, and do it as needed. You never know what other people are going to do to the company devices that you turn in.
Psychological Impact
I don’t think this is trivial. I believe just like being dumped by your first significant other (boy friend/girl friend, husband/wife), this “being rejected by someone” feeling is usually hard, but at the same time it’s also quite common and normal. If you always got what you wanted, and were never rejected by someone, congrats 🙂 I think some of the websites will use the first name or name of your 1st boy friend or girl friend as an option (btw, this does not work very well in the Muslim countries, from what I heard). The reason for that is simple: people would almost never forget that name 🙂
Over the time though, we can overcome this “being rejected” feeling. It never goes away. But it can be controlled, and hopefully we can direct to something or some endeavor that we can use our passion there.
Another potential side effect, is the stigma associated with layoff, which is totally unnecessary – and I touched those good old companies’s specific question “have you ever involuntarily terminated from your job”? Again not legal advice just ignore those. Things don’t always work out as we liked. As long as we learn something and try not to make same mistake (again and again), we are making progress 🙂
Job Search
Last but not least, some job search observations / tips. Related to that, some may point out that although in the US, the employers cannot discriminate against applicants’ age, in reality though, this is still a factor and most employers in fact have preferences on employees’ age. I recall in the company I worked for 8 years, and I know a coworker worked there for 40+ years, and I heard he was laid off after I left (I resigned from that company in Nov 2008, yes it was during the financial crisis :-(. His layoff has nothing to do with my leaving, and I believe there is age factor there.
(Update 09-10-2023) Came across this video “One peril facing job-hunters? Being ghosted” at CBS Sunday Morning. This is actually quite common during a job search, from my experience. Don’t take it personally and move on.
(Update 09-20-2023)How Virtual Layoffs Became The New Normal For Workplaces. Btw, I just learned another contractor got laid off at my work place (my impression is current work place is pretty bad towards contractors, as I was at the other end of the table about 10 years ago, they did give me 2 weeks notice, so it softens the blow a bit). Talking about contractors or contingency workers in the IT and software industry, this is a very common way for an employers to add more people when needed, and get rid of them when not needed. Quite brutal in the sense of “job security” or “provide for family”. Something to keep in mind when jumping ships. || Also from SubStack: Layoff lessons: Four things I wish I knew.
(Update 12-18-2023) Came across this blog post from a former colleague, looks good. From my personal experience, healthcare is a tough industry to work.
Agent brown is the name my girls gave to the AirTag I used to attached to the car key (it has a brown holder) and later my older daughter attached it to her brown wallet. We lost agent brown. Saturday, to be more precise, 8/19 evening, at about 6:42 pm I got a text message when I was driving my girls to the premium outlet. The text message is from Amex, and it said “fraud alert” and someone tries to use S8’s Gold Card at a place called “City Gear” for about $280 worth of merchandise. The store declined it and thus the text alert from Amex.
Basically an hour ago my 13 year old lost her purse at the JCreve Coeur girls locker room. She said there is no lock but I cannot verify. We didn’t know then, until the thief started to use the Amex card in her purse and thus triggered the alert from the credit card company.
We were already very close to the Premium Outlet. And I started to call Amex shortly after I get there. To make the card is marked as lost, and also found out two pending transactions at QT. Those 2 transactions will be disputed. After we talked more, it appears someone took S8’s wallet from the girls (kiddos) locker room. S8 said the locker is not lockable. And because she put one of my airtags in her wallet, and I can see at one point the wallet location was at the City Gear (Gravois plaza, or City Gear, 3519 Bamberger Ave, St. Louis, MO 63116). I can even see the location of this person’s home (which I won’t post, I enabled the lost mode and the last location seems to be at someone’s home, at 7:08 pm), as well as QT location (which can be seen from the Amex website from the pending transaction).
A while later after we got home, we found there is even a text message with a time of 7:25 PM saying “I found your wallet” on S8’s phone (she left a number on the wallet).
After some discussions, we decided not to reply back to that text.
This whole episode seems added some excitement to an otherwise uneventful Saturday evening.
I recall when I was in college, my wallet was picked by a thief when I was at a crowded bus (I realized quickly after I got off the bus), another time my drawer in the dorm got broken into and money was lost. In the US, I recall when I was a graduate student, once I lost a digital camera which I left in my office.
I guess this can turn into a good lesson in safety and security (privacy) for our older daughter as the material loss is fairly small.
Peace of Mind
A side note of all this is the Amex and Apple AirTags seem both gave us peace of mind, they provided more transparency than a traditional wallet loss (such as my loss when I was in college in Wuhan). At the same time, I don’t too much curiosity is a good thing. || (update 08-21-2023) it appears the two fraudulent transactions at QT got posted, I opened dispute in the Amex website.
PS– be vigilant: I recall when I was working for the credit card company, on the loyalty and rewards platform, I was tasked to investigate the “fraudulent redemptions for airline tickets and hotel reservations”. It appears the thief (or thieves) got hold of the victim’s personal email and password: the same email and password are used in the rewards redemption website which was operated by the credit card co. Let’s just say the email provider is Yahoo. So from the victim’s point of view, it’s really not a good security practice. At the time though, it was also the 1st time I encountered a sophisticated thief like that and I started to doubt the “evilness” of some criminals. My daughter is 13 and was more thinking about the “goodness” of the people, e.g., she would try to find an excuse why someone would steal her wallet (maybe someone needs the money for food). I don’t know, I would not say she was “woke”. But at the same time, I think we should all be vigilant.
PS 2: handle of loss. 旧的不去，新的不来 (Out with the old, in with the new)。I understand many people want things back, and my daughter is no exception. Recently I started to realized and reconfirm sometimes we just have too much junk (which I discussed below). As a parent I am certainly quite protective of my kids’ feeling got hurt etc. But again we live in a real world. And this sort of thing does happen.
Island Way Sorbet (actually my younger one probably found this online, not sure if it’s YT shorts or somewhere else). Now I have to wait patiently for this in Spring /Summer season.
KOOSHY CROUTONS (I only bought it once, and my older daughter asked can we get it again)
(Original) I found this one Costco potato corn dog (Eat With Emily post; The Daily Meal post) at my my local Costco (U city), after seeing it from a friend. I made a small mistake when cooking it at 1st try, I put it along side with the Hamburger on the outdoor gas stove (for BBQ), which kinda burned it. Later I tried microwave, which works better. I think we probably only need 1.5 mins to 3 mins via microwave oven. Note the inside is cheese, or to be more specific, the mozzarella Cheese.
Another one is the cheese crips. I think at the local store it’s about $9 a pack. Not as expensive as shown in the online store. I found it at other grocery store too, but it’s more expensive than Costco.
Last but not least, Costco Shoyu Ramen with chicken – Frozen Ramen Bowls. It looks like 5 out of 6 bowls are gone since I bought them yesterday 🙂 One thing is we used regular microwave friendly bowls for warming / heating it up. I joked with my wife it probably would cost $7 or $8 in a restaurant.
PS: I noticed in last 6 months or so, Costco likes to move its merchandize around, mostly to create a “treasure hunt” feeling for the shoppers 🙂 This is applicable to some of the hot or seasonal items too.
